Sisterlocked In SC - Another Sisterlocks Success Story!

Nine and a Half Months

2011-05-23T10:50:00.002-03:00

I am nine and a half months into my new marriage and thus my new life and it has seen so many changes, I don't know where to begin writing about it.

To settle a question I know must have come to mind for some of you: No I am not a Mommy.

Lord! If that was one of the changes, I think I would not be able to handle any of the rest.

But... less than 3 months after we got married, my husband got a job in the Research Triangle Park located just outside Raleigh, NC. And we had 2.5 weeks to move and find an apartment.

....Talk about upheaval.

He had already sold everything and moved across the country to be with me. (Aww..., right?) How could I complain about moving 4 hours up the Interstate in support of his career? I couldn't even think of it.

But.... on very short notice I had to leave my 4 BR 2400 sq ft house with office and move into a 2 BR apartment. That was difficult to say the least.

I own a house in SC. He owns a condo on the other coast. Neither of us can sell for what they're worth in this market, thus neither can we buy anything comparable here at the moment.

Having been a homeowner for the last ten years, it has been interesting renting again. Just finding an apartment is challenging, but we did reasonably well. We weren't familiar with the area but still managed to find something nice in a good location convenient to work and shopping.
The neighborhood is a great mix of everyone. Singles and couples of all races, families of all descriptions. And I feel safe. We have wooded streets with sidewalks and streetlights, trails for hiking, biking, running and walking, several parks and lakes nearby. I am very happy.

And after years of homeownership it is the coolest thing to call maintenance when something breaks. We just had to have the dishwasher and the a/c replaced and all I had to do was call the leasing office and both were fixed within 24 hours. It was so nice not to have to schedule it all or go into my own pocket for repairs.

Ahh! Part of me wants to never go back.

I've been learning my way around the new city, but I am admittedly homesick for my old one and moreso for my old friends.

Of course there is more. (There is always more.) But I haven't any more time today.

My 4th lock anniversary came and went in March without incident. My SLs are still strong and healthy and beautiful.

Awww....

2010-11-09T11:52:00.004-04:00

Well, UnderCovers got the ax.

There is lots of speculation about why. Of course it has and will come up time and again that a minority couple can't carry a Primetime series that isn't a comedy.

But I liked this article and the breakdown that was given.

Unfortunately, this may have set us back. Who knows how long it will be before a network or producer takes a chance on headlining with an AA couple again?

Ah well...

From the archives....

2010-09-27T09:47:00.001-03:00

Like I said, I was reading through my draft box and found some posts that are interesting to me now in light of the changes my life has seen in the last 3 years.

Take this one for example:

7.27.07

So it seems that some of us who are single post almost as much and as often about our single status and our feelings about it as we do about our hair. I have been following the 'Where is my king?' series by locsuluv* and it has inspired me to leave several comments on her blog which turned in to posts of my own, inculding this one.

*(It appears that locsuluv has taken down her blog. I couldn't find her blog or profile to link back to the posts I'm referring to. I don't know what happened to her. If anyone knows, I would appreciate an update. A private note by e-mail would be fine.)

I could identify with several issues she addressed. When I was younger, I didn't stress much about being married or not being married because I assumed it would happen one day, and I assumed that one day would preferably/probably come before my 25th birthday.

It wasn't a goal or a deadline or even a full-fledged expectation, but rather something I just simply thought would come together for me without much effort. I really thought it would just happen.

How hard is it to find someone you love who loves you back with the same devotion and to the same degree?

(Ah the naïveté of youth, right?)

I would be living my life, pursuing my goals and I would meet him, and I would know it was him.

Well, that's not how it happened for me, and I did begin to second guess myself and wonder what I had done wrong.

It is definitely a challenge to be self-sufficient in the way we need to be to take care of ourselves in this world and yet remain open to the possibility of marriage; to be seen as vulnerable enough that a man wants to take care of you without seeming desperate enough that he runs away.

But you also have to be confident enough that you like who you are and competent enough that you are seen as an asset and not a liability in and to his life.

It is a very difficult balance to strike. I am still trying to figure it out. *

*Here I have to say that my husband made this really easy for me simply by being the type of person that he is. He's never made me feel like I have to be more or less than the person that I naturally am. I don't have to pretend to be more or less intelligent, more or less domestic, more or less vulnerable or strong.

He really does love and accept and appreciate me exactly as I am.

I can just be myself and it is enough for him. I can't express how comfortable and safe that makes me feel at the end of every day. Heck! At the beginning. Shoot! All day long....

Can you say: all the happiness I can stand....?

I'm not happy for all of the hurt and disappointment and hard-knock lessons I learned on the way to where I am now. It would have been nice to have found the kind of love I have now 5 years ago or 10. But I do most definitely have greater appreciation for it now than I would have had then.

I know I will work hard to protect this love and nurture it and see that it grows and matures. And I know that I will never take my husband and the love he has for me for granted.

Anyway, back to the original post....

Long ago, before I hit my 25th b-day, I decided I would just live my life the way I always wanted. I would pursue my goals and I would travel and I would focus on being a whole and complete person - by myself, alone, and if I met someone fine and if I didn't fine.

But then I did meet someone. Two someones, in fact. The first one tried to make me change for him and I rebelled against it; but then the second one made me want to change, and so I did.

Long story short (well, it's kind of too late for that...but anyway). I had two back-to-back relationships that took up all of my time and emotional energy between the ages of 24 and 29 and neither of them resulted in marriage.

So, here I am on the eve of my 30th birthday and I am more determined than ever to do what I need to do for me, and to refocus on my goals which include my service and worship.

In fact, I do believe it is necessary and essential for me to put my relationship with God back at the center of my life if I expect to find happiness single or married.

9.27.07

Wow... I remember writing that like it was last week. I was about two months out of a third relationship that I don't even make reference to and barely speak about to this day because it was just crazy. Not crazy-bad like there was non-stop drama.

Crazy like it seemed really, really good up until the day it wasn't and then it just unraveled in about 3 days. It was really strange. Never experienced anything like it before or since and it definitely left me gunshy in subsequent relationships.

After it ended, I was more concerned about my own perception and judgment than of the mindset that men are inherently deceptive and untrustworthy. It was like: wow! How did I misjudge to that degree?

Because the man seemed to be all about me for months and then he was just someone else one day.

He really did say things like: I love you. You're beautiful. I want to marry you.

Constantly. I didn't make that up.

But I don't know. It was still incredibly superficial in hindsight. I keep a journal. And it's funny. Now, with the distance and objectivity of 3 years' time I read and saw all kinds of signs that he was a flake from the get-go.

Especially in comparison to the man who is now my husband, but at the time I was just like: how did this happen? What should I have done differently? Why did he change overnight?

He didn't. He was always one foot out the door. But the foot that was in was all-in. That's what was so mind-bending at the time. He said all the right things, but many of his actions (and lack of actions) were in direct conflict with his words.

And we all know that adage about actions and words...

It was really scary for me while I was dating my now-husband because he said many of the same types of things on roughly the same timeline as Bachelor #3 and I spent the first three months just entirely scared that he was going to flake out on me too or that I was misreading the situation and missing signs that his devotion was shallow.

I was so scared all the time and I told him so on a regular basis.

The difference? Constant verbal reassurances and actions to back them up. .

And I didn't have to ask him for reassurances or ask him to follow-through. He simply did and never seemed annoyed about how often I needed encouragement.

...I'm saying it again. He's awesome!

I feel like some of y'all are just going to stop reading my blog.

I feel like there must be eye-rolling and declarations of: if she says one more thing about how wonderful her man is, I'm quitting this blog.

I know. I know! Y'all didn't come here for this. I need to post something abot my hair, right?

And I really need to take some pictures...

Too Busy to Style

2010-09-21T19:51:00.003-03:00

I was reading this post by Sunshine Sisterlocks and saw a comment I can readily identify with: too busy to style, but thankfully I don't have to!

That has been the story of my life since I started my SLs. I think about the hours I spent straightening my hair or twisting it or getting some form of extensions. And I'm just like: where would I find the time anymore?

I literally never style my hair. I don't curl it or twist it or braid it out. I wash and go all the time.

My style options consist of down, down with a headband or scarf, and up in a bun or ponytail.

I have enough length that I could actually do some pretty fabulous stuff. And occasionally I feel like I should, but somehow I never get around to it.

For months I've been saying I should curl it because it is at sort of a weird layered just-past-my-shoulders length where it should be longer or shorter and now it just sort of hangs.

But I haven't done it yet and I have an itching feeling that by the time I get truly motivated it will probably have grown past this stage.

One of the most wonderful things about Sisterlocks is the freedom to freestyle. I never have to think about what to do with my hair. I don't have to plan around the weather or exercise or money. I retighten myself, so my roots are always neat.

I don't have to worry about humidity or rain or sweat or water. I can go swimming. I can get caught in a downpour. I can let my hair get soaking wet in the shower or bath. I can wash it in the morning before work or worship and let it air dry on the way.

And it looks the same. So liberating...

I wish all black women could experience this freedom at least once in their lives.

As much as I look at loose hair sometimes and wish I could alternate between locks and a fabulous fro or silky smooth straight hair, every time I think of the time freedom I've gained by wearing my hair locked, I just know I'm not going back any time soon.

I will never say never, but most definitely not in the foreseeable future.

How I Fell Off

2010-09-18T20:57:00.001-03:00

If it's been a while since you've stopped by, no doubt you've noticed the design changes as well as all of my recent news. As I was editing and making these changes I reviewed some of my older posts.

I couldn't help but notice how I fell off by half every year since I started. 88 posts in 2007. Granted: I was unemployed and working part-time for a good part of that year, but I also had way more enthusiasm for the novelty of blogging.

Many of my contemporaries who started blogs around the same time don't post at all anymore and I miss them. I suspect that with the current economy lots more people are working longer hours to make ends meet or just generally caught up in the day-to-day.

Also, several have gotten married and started families or added to the families they already had. Blogging becomes as less essential activity and takes an understandable back seat.

36 posts for me in 2008. I actually wrote many more that year; in fact, they are all still sitting in draft limbo. But I purchased my franchise in late 2007 and launched in early 2008. I spent the better part of that year getting my business off the ground. And then, well, the economy tanked in the final quarter. How time-consuming was all of that?

18 posts in 2009. Exactly half. I spent the better part of 2009 trying to keep my head above water as a result of the events of 2008. It was one of the most challenging years of my life for so many reasons.

9 posts in 2010 so far. Half again, although the year is not over and if I keep up the current pace, I will probably match last year's number.

But about my circumstances: In terms of earnings relative to workload - worst year ever in life! I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Shamelessly. Because I know I am not alone. In terms of peace, love and happiness.... best year ever! Because I fell in love with and married my husband who adores me.

2010 will always be a banner year. Pivotal.

I had to give up the franchise and figure out a different career path.... Still working out the details of all that, but I know I will always look back on this year as one where my life began to change for the better and in ways I could not have foreseen at the beginning. And I will continue to be grateful for and happy about all of the good things that have happened to me this year.

About Me

2010-09-15T17:00:00.004-03:00

Someone brought it to my attention over a month ago that I needed to change my About Me info since I am no longer single.

I agreed. It had occurred to me, I just wasn't sure what to say instead. I wanted to pay homage to my original sentiments while accurately reflecting the changes that have occurred in my life since I started the blog 3.5 years ago.

As is the case with many of us locked bloggers, my blog has evolved to be less about my hair and more about my random thoughts and observations, but I hope those who stop by continue to enjoy my musings.

Here's what I came up with ~

The new:

I started this blog as a single girl just trying to make her way in the world. I am now a newlywed trying to navigate my way through this new business of being married. I love my husband dearly; he is very many of the things I always knew I wanted but feared I might never find...

I am still living life, finding fulfillment, and making memories every day...

It is my honest intention to continue detailing my journeys in the hopes that my stories will help others as those who came before have helped and encouraged me. Enjoy!

The old:

I am a single girl just trying to make her way in the world. I am looking for love, but I am not waiting for 'the one' to make my dreams come true.

I am living life, finding fulfillment, and making memories every day...

When I have a question, it has probably already been answered elsewhere. And when I offer opinion, it has probably been said before - but not in my words, or with my voice...

So, I intend to detail my journeys in the hopes that my stories will help others as those who came before have helped and encouraged me. Enjoy!

Crazy Stuff

2010-09-14T07:37:00.003-03:00

So... the hubby and I have decided to lease his condo and live elsewhere.

We're doing the usual things. We printed flyers. We posted online.

But we also decided to be a little more proactive and browse the Craigslist 'housing wanted' section for potential tenants. Well... I found this title and had to read!

Sex offenders not all the same

I kid you not!

He goes on to elaborate about why he should be given a chance:

Just because I am a sex offender does not mean I am not normal, can not pay my bills, or am a danger to others. I grew up in incest and continued the cycle. I have since grown up and learned the error of my ways.

Just because I was conditioned to resort to sex to handle my stress and abuse as a child does not mean that I will repeat those same mistakes. For one, I have learned the punishment for engaging in sex crimes and never wish to go back there.

I will pay my rent on time, cause no problems, keep to myself, and will be thankful for being given a chance.

I just want a place to live. I can afford up to $600 a month. I want running water but will consider a cabin if that is my only choice. I would like to stay in the valley, but will consider going to A-. Serious replies only please. Hatemongers and sadists please do not reply.

I guess in a way, he does have a point. Sex offenders need a place to live too, but I couldn't rent to one in my neighborhood in good conscience. It's just one of those things...

UnderCovers

2010-09-07T14:19:00.001-03:00

I really, really want this show to make it.

The early buzz is good. From the trailers it looks very Mr. and Mrs. Smith - which is one of my all-time favorite movies. Whatever you want to say about them in real life, I loved the on-screen chemistry between Brad and Angie.

I love this concept even more - for several reasons. First of all, J.J. Abrams is attached to the project. Need I say more?

Number 2: Boris Kodjoe. Again, no explanation necessary.

But the third thing I love is that J.J. and NBC decided that maybe it's time an African-American married couple can carry a prime-time series that isn't a sitcom. I hope that the show doesn't get lost in the sea of September premieres. And if it is a little slow building and finding an audience, I hope the network gives it time.

I'm going to watch.

I want to see a good-looking, well-dressed, smart and fashionable (not wise-cracking and struggling) AA married couple on TV. Every week.

For clips, interviews and trailers, click here.

Go Girls!

2010-09-06T13:23:00.002-03:00

Even though I am no longer single and getting deeper into my thirties with each passing day, I still enjoyed reading this about my slightly younger counterparts.

Single, childless women in their twenties are outearning males in the biggest urban areas.

According to Census stats from 2008, women aged 22 - 30 who are without husband or children earn 8% more than men in the same age group in the top 366 metro areas. Women outearn men in 39 of the 50 biggest cities and match their wages in another 8. Women earn 21% more in Atlanta.

Apparently this is due to the fact that more and more women are going to college after high school. Three-quarters of us, as compared to two-thirds of men. We are also earning more advanced degrees allowing us to command higher salaries.

Check this out: "The trend is especially apparent in cities where minority groups make up more than half the population. Among blacks and Hispanics, women are more than twice as likely as men to earn college degrees."

Now, that can definitely be taken two ways. What social ills are holding our men back? That's another entry I'm not inclined to write, but it's positive to note that minority women are getting it done.

For the complete USA Today article click here.

Natural Hair Fad

2010-08-24T12:15:00.004-03:00

The LWC strikes again:

I found this post and comments on Naturally Sophia's Blog very interesting.

I've been natural for almost 20 years now, since the age of 15. I relapsed into relaxing twice.

Once around the age of 19, I experimented with texturizers in an attempt to bring uniformity to my curl pattern, not realizing then that my hair was just going to do what it was going to do.

It grows how it grows and chemicals won't change that. Not in a way that I like.

And again about 2 years later, I had a job that was very important to me at the time (actually, a volunteer assignment, a cause) where my immediate superiors decided that my look did not properly represent the cause.

With tears and trauma, I relaxed my hair to straight. I hated it SO much. It wasn't worth the price. I quit the cause. I cut my hair. I started over fresh and never looked back.

It was terrible at the time, but I am glad I had the experience, because there were times when I was struggling with this Deep South humidity and I thought that a relaxer might be the way to go, but only Fleetingly.

Because then I would remember how awful that final relaxer experience was. How it sucked the life and vibrance from my hair. How I felt so oppressed.

Most men and people of other races - and truly a lot of black women - don't understand what a connection to naturalness you develop.

It becomes a part of your identity. Like your skin color or eye color. When you look in the mirror and see something else, you feel like someone else. I felt like I was bleaching my skin or getting a nose job or some other drastic cosmetic alteration to minimize my ethnicity.

I don’t judge others harshly for choosing to do so, but it really went against my personal grain in a way that I did not realize it would.

Being locked or not is different from being curly or straight for sure.

It is more permanent, but in a way that is good and comforting to me, not in a way that feels limiting or restrictive.

I get angry now when people suggest that I'll get tired of my locks one day and take them out.

And the funny thing is: I know maybe I will cut them and start over with something else SOME day, but not because I am tired of them. Not because I no longer love them. Not because I prefer straight hair or curly hair.

I really don't know what would make me give them up.

I get lots more compliments on my locks now that they are past my shoulders. Enough people seem to realize that if your locks are that long, your straight hair would be 6 - 10 inches longer. And they are fascinated with that.

So I get more comments that say: You should take those out and straighten it. Then it would be REALLY pretty. Or, Don't you want to see how long it REALLY is? Or, Sisterlocks. I've thought about getting those. You can take them out when you want, right?

I am SUPREMELY annoyed.

Each and every time.

I'm not saying that locks or SLs have to be a lifetime commitment for everyone. When I got mine, I didn't know if I would really keep them. I was kind of afraid that I wouldn't like them from the start and might be ready to give them up in the first 6 months. And after the money I invested (while unemployed at the time) I figured at the very least I should keep them for a year to get my money's worth.

But I was in love with them from DAY ONE. So taking them out never seemed like a viable option.

Natural hair was never a fad for me. I do agree that going natural, staying natural, and being natural requires much more of a commitment than 'looking' natural.

But seeing so many more people with a natural look is a very good thing. Natural weaves and wigs are high-maintenance and expensive.

I wore kinky twist extensions for years before I got tired of the fakeness - they were always bulky and the texture was much coarser than my own hair, far inferior to the soft thickness of the natural locks I rock today - and decided to see what my own hair would do. They were a good bridge to where I am now.

If wearing and seeing fake natural hair leads more of us to a place where we are comfortable experimenting with the hair that grows from our heads, then I cannot see that the current fad will be a bad thing. Many fads become trends. I think natural hair is here to stay.

Simply because so many people are getting fed up with the expense and maintenance other styles require. Not that natural hair is cheap or easy to maintain, but I'd rather spend time and money to be proud of my heritage and make the most of who I am than to try to cover that up and look like someone else.

And I believe more and more of us are coming to that realization with each passing day.

So...

2010-08-23T20:42:00.002-03:00

I did it. I took the plunge!

Two weeks ago I got married. On a Monday. In blue jeans. Just the two of us.

I have not posted at all in the last three months because there has been a fair amount of chaos in my personal life.

Stuff. Just stuff.

Work. Family. Finances.

I've really just been trying to sort it all out and keep my head above water.

My aforementioned relationship continued to progress well. We had a few of the usual-type snags along the way. (I would have been highly suspicious if we had not. A sign that one or both of us was lying, delusional, or apathetic.)

As early as April we started to talk about getting married in late August. I picked a dress and researched venues for the reception, caterers, photographers, invitations and all manner of other wedding-related incidentals.

Studied up on and compared prices and deposit policies; juggled dates even had one place pencil me in for a preferred date of 8/21 and put me down for first right of refusal until I could secure it with a deposit.

But like I said, life continued to happen with no sympathy or regard for the fact that I was trying to plan my wedding. I hit obstacle after obstacle and by the last week in June when all of the decisions had to be made and most of the verbal commitments had to be finalized with cold, hard cash, I found I was not ready.

Still ready and willing and eager to say, "I do," to the man who would become my husband, but not ready at all to commit to all the rest - the menu and the colors and the date.

Every time we talked about any of it there was anxiety and hesitation in my voice.

I know my SO began to read it as lack of commitment and doubt about us. As much as I protested and tried to reassure him and convince him that things were otherwise, I could tell he had his doubts.

It was never a serious strain, but I could tell that over time it would become so.

By the first week in July we had a discussion where we decided that an August wedding was definitely out, and I began to lobby for October, but even at that I was having problems nailing it down and committing to a date, and, truthfully in terms of planning and follow-through I was much more comfortable with dates as far out as Spring 2011.

But there were problems with that. Lots.

Our religious beliefs dictate that we would not live together unmarried. And there was so much we talked about doing in the next 6 - 9 months when we first decided we would marry in August. Not being married and in the same household would definitely complicate most and outright cancel some of those plans.

Because we are both in our early 30's we each have very separate and distinct individual lives. I think this is a good thing, but, like I said before, though we felt ready for a blending, it was/is still going to be somewhat problematic. However, we were/are eager to start that process.

We reached a point in the development of our relationship where living together under the same roof and making joint decisions is the next logical step. It felt like putting that on hold until Spring would do more harm than good.

We had discussion after discussion about what to do next.

I really didn't want to do a cheap, slapped-together, last-minute wedding. I only intend to marry once and I was quite set on having an elegant affair or an elopement. I apologized repeatedly to my fiance for being so all or nothing and with no real in-between.

I felt bad.

He was very, very understanding.

I wanted to wait until everything was perfect. Until I was a size 4 again. Until my work schedule stabilizes. Until I get a bunch of bills paid and we still had money left to throw a fabulous reception for not less than 100 people. Until my best friends were not traveling internationally... The list was long...

For all of our discussions on what to do, how to do it, and when, it always came back to one thing for him.

He always said: I just want to marry you and start our lives together.

Aww...., right?

So a couple of Saturdays ago after another intense discussion (honestly, it wasn't an argument), he said: Marry me.

To which I said: You asked me that already. I said, 'Yes', I'm wearing the ring you gave me.

To which he said: No, I mean Monday, the day after tomorrow.

Oh? Really? Do you mean that?

I do.

So we didn't talk about it for all of Sunday even though I know it was on his mind and we spent the day together. We both slept on it and on Monday morning it was kind of like: Do you want to?/I don't know - do you want to?

Both of us had slept on it and prayed on it and we really, really talked about it Monday morning. We asked all the important questions and offered all of the relevant reassurances to each other all over again.

And later that afternoon we made it official.

It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I am so relieved. I can focus on us again and not worry about all of the wedding-related details.

I still want to throw a fabulous party for friends and family, but the clock is no longer ticking on it. We don't have to wait for all of the details to come together just so. We have already begun joining our lives.

It is still challenging and parts will not be easy. We are still having our individual struggles, but we can also rely on each other just a little bit more than we could before. We can each be more certain that the other is really in it for the long haul.

And that feels really good.

Plus: We have a super-cool anniversary date: 08.09.10.

I love that!

But not as much as I love my new husband.

Still in Love...

2010-05-29T04:49:00.006-03:00

With my man, and my Sisterlocks...

I know! I need to post pics. Y'all forgot what I look like, right?

I misplaced my camera about 4 months ago and have yet to find it and I refuse to buy a new one. I'm really upset about it because I wanted to post about my weight loss and my locking progress with pictures!

But the important thing is the changes, not so much the pictorial record of how it all came to pass - to me anyway. Y'all know pictures are not important to me, so I've been slack on that part of this whole blogging project from the get-go, so none of you are really surprised.

I am actually a little frustrated with myself this time though, because I have experienced such positive changes, I want everyone to know!

Ah well, I'll get around to it. I have been a little disctracted...

As I mentioned, I am in love. Really, truly in love with a very wonderful man. I absolutely adore him. He is everything I ever wanted.

Really. And I have been hesitant to say so because I have not wanted to come on here and gush about him...

Not just yet.

He knows I journal and have done so since I was a teenager and I told him I have a blog.

I asked him not to read it, but this is the Internet. There is nothing secret about it. I knew he could find it if he looked. I asked him not to and so he didn't. And I appreciated that very much.

There's actually nothing on here that I haven't told him about (that he'd be interested in). I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about what shampoo I decided to start using a year and a half ago, so, yeah, I've left out some of the irrelevant details.

But he knows all of my opinions, everything about my career and past relationships, goals, the terrible stuggles with my weight and how and why it came to pass as well as what I decided to do about it and how recent all of that was.

I was not at my top weight when our relationship started and we both know he would not have been physically attracted to me if I had been. I do not fault him for that. I was ready to crawl into a hole when I was 15 lbs overweight. So when I was almost 200 lbs, I was ready to die! I had genuine feelings of self-loathing at the time.

I know, intellectually in the grand scheme of life and death it was not that serious that I should have fixated on it to that degree and I'm sure that kind of negative thinking made it harder for me to make positive changes. It was not the best time in my life - physically or emotionally.*

But like I said in my previous post: I started making changes for self-improvement in every area of my life before I met him. And I got back on track to becoming the person I know I am supposed to be and living the life I am supposed to live.

And he saw that. He responded to that.

I love that he sees the best in me. I need that. I am very hard on myself. I have high expectations, all the time, sometimes to a discouraging degree. He helps me remember that I am very special just the way I am and I love him for it.

*We've talked about it. We've talked about it all...

He knows that's not who I am now, nor is it who I was for most of my life, nor do I ever intend to find myself there again. And he is enough into fitness and overall good health that I have no fears that it will not be easy to continue with the good habits I always had before and have recently re-established.

I do not foresee that the weight issues will ever be a problem again...

But back to the point about him reading my blog: he respected my request not to read it. He apparently did not even look for it as a result of my request.

I have nothing to hide, but it is one of those things....Some of what I've talked about (like my weight loss struggles) has been much easier to share with strangers than people I know intimately. And the rest would just not be that interesting to him.

He loves me, but I doubt he cares that my hair grew an inch last month and I started 8 new locks. I don't care as much about the details as when I started! I know I have comical stories and experiences intertwined, but I just never figured he'd feel like wading through it all.

And, well, even though I've told him how I feel, I just wasn't ready for him to read the posts where I talk about him. You've read them. They are not unflattering in the least. He even knows the details about how I was feeling about life and love just before we became an item.

We've really talked about it all, but something about seeing things in writing.... I don't know... I just wasn't ready for him to see it all yet, but I had in mind to share it with him soon. Very soon. Within the next month or so.

So he could choose for himself to read or not read. Any or all of it that is out there for the world to see. Why not him as well?

I don't have a readership of millions... never will, my little life is not that interesting. But amazingly enough, over the last 3 years, I have attracted a readership of thousands.

Is there anyone who reads it religiously? No. I don't post often enough to have a true following, but I track who reads and how often and I am available to people who want to contact me.

Readers often e-mail me with questions and comments. Some even call, and I've met quite a few up close and in-person.

It's been a fun experience.

But back to my guy: I have told him everything about myself that might be remotely relevant to our present and future. I have told him things that no one else knows. Not my best friends, not other exes, not family.

Why? Because I knew early, early on that I wanted to marry this man and I wanted there to be no secrets between us.

He did the same.

Did he tell his family and friends the details?* Did I?

*None of which were especially sordid, I might add. I have managed to live a fairly decent life - no skeletons.

He did not tell my secrets. I did not tell his. They are my secrets. And his secrets.

There is nothing I believe he will ever tell me about himself or his past that can ever make me love him less than I do right now. And I know he feels the same. Some things aren't as I would have wished them to be. For both of us.

But we are in our thirties.... Who has made it to this age and not made mistakes of some type?

People who haven't lived....

Am I intensely proud of every single thing I've done from birth until now? Um... that would be a, 'No.'

It's like my girl Jill Scott sang famously:

Your background it ain't squeaky clean
Sometimes we all got to swim upstream
You ain't no saint, we all are sinners
But you put your good foot down and make your soul a winner

I respect that, man you're so phat
And you're all that
Plus supreme
Then you're humble
Man I'm numb Yo
With feeling
I can feel everything that you bring

Let's take a long walk
Around the park after dark
Find a spot for us to spark
Conversation, verbal elation, stimulation
Share our situations, temptations, education, relaxations....

Y'all know I love me some Jill...

But not as much as I love my man. He really is all that and then some.

Anyway...

If there's one thing I do have low tolerance for, it's people who are judgmental and unforgiving. People who pretend that they've never mispoken or stretched or bent the truth or plotted revenge (I said plotted, not carried out...:-), or done something/anything untoward at some point in their lives are low on my list of favorites.

You just know it isn't true. I'm all for righteousness. I try to do the right thing at all times. I really do. Self-righteousness, however, sucks!

Everybody does or says or thinks something they shouldn't at some point. It's just a matter of frequency, motive and degree. Everyone has lied at some point in life. Everyone has taken advantage of someone else at some point. Everyone has hurt someone that they cared about.

And try as any of us might, most of us are going to do it all again at some other point between tomorrow and the day we die. That's life. That's being human.

...So I'm not looking for perfection. Never was. Neither is he.

And yet. And still. I feel like he is so very perfect for me.

I know... if that doesn't sound ultra-sappy, what does? But I refuse to apologize for it now. Or ever. I want it always to be true. And I honestly think it will be.

I am not so unrealistic in my expectations as to believe we will never disagree or disappoint each other, but you know all the stuff I've said in the past about seeing one's flaws and faults and loving and forgiving them anyway? All the things I've said about how I love...?

He loves the same way.

Really. Actually. Demonstratively. Consistently.

Who hasn't had bad things happen to them? Who hasn't been hurt or lied to or betrayed? No one.

And without putting his business in the streets... he has had to deal with a lot of crap over the years from people who should have cared for him and looked out for him. People who were supposed to love him and have his best interests at heart.

I have too. It's something we have in common.

And yet, he is amazingly resilient and open and loving. Like I cannot believe sometimes.

He amazes me. Every day. Really and truly.

He knows. I've told him. I love him so much!

I save most of my declarations of adoration for my journal entries so that my friends and family won't tire of listening to me singing his praises. Just yesterday I was musing on how different he is. From everyone who came before.

And how I want to spend my life with him because he is just that uniquely amazing.

I do know that if and when he asks me to, I will most certainly say, 'Yes', without any doubts or reservations.

Sigh....

Ok, OK!

Really, I've got to find my camera so I can take pictures and post about my hair again!

Because the same way I know he doesn't care about Sergei and Svetlana... I know that most of you did not come here for this...so I will try my best to make my next post about my hair! It's been a very long while since I've updated everyone.

Toodles!

Law of Attraction

2010-03-20T16:15:00.003-03:00

I did decide to do better and be better all on my very own before I met him. I began taking steps to correct the things that weren't working in my life.

I am steadily losing weight through healthier eating habits and exercise. I am getting organized again. I restructured my business for better work-life balance.

And now, knowing him, loving him is just added motivation to continue cultivating seeds I'd already planted.

I feel so far removed even now from the person I was in December. I experienced a monumental spiritual and emotional growth spurt. A true paradigm shift. I look back now and I still can't believe it. How far I have come in such a short while. But I am happy for it.

Happy that I was ready for him to come into my life.

I do very much feel that we will continue to grow together. He wants all the same things that I do, with the same intensity, to the same degree.

I've never experienced this and neither has he. And both of us have so much appreciation.

Guess Who!

2010-03-20T15:08:00.006-03:00

Guess who is in love!

That's right. I am. I am.

I guess sometimes things do fall out of the sky. Feels like that anyway.

I was commiserating with a married friend about my particular set of needs, wants and desires and how I know that I am a singular individual. I am not what every man wants and it's not a self-esteem issue, believe me.

In spite of some of the things I said in the previous post and my ongoing struggles with my weight, I like the person that I am. I stand by the choices that I've made, but there are things that I want and don't want in a life partner and it's a unique combination. For example: I want someone with strong family values, but I don't want to have children of my own. I want someone with strong religious convictions who is also liberal and tolerant of the beliefs of others.

I want someone who celebrates and supports my independent nature who will also understand my vulnerability and therefore not belittle me for needing him desperately even though most of the time I will pretend that I don't. I want him to never call me out on this. (That one alone is a tall order and I know it!)

I know that I am a study in contradictions and I live with daily ambivalence about most things. I am extremely quirky and hard-to-read. On and on my list goes like so.

So...

I am a flavor that is not for everyone, and indeed not for most.

And so...

As you all read, I was pretty well resigned to being alone for the next long while.

It was to be a time for sorting things out within myself.

Little did I know what was in store for me. And whether it came from God or The Universe, I still can't say. I only know that he is here with me now.

I was telling my friend what I wanted and how I know it is unlikely that I will find him.

It has been a recurring theme, but this time a solution presented itself.

He's a professional, self-employed, like me. Not divorced, no baby mama drama. And not a jerk or a playboy. Not emotionally stunted or socially inept. Just a really sweet guy with all of the very same values looking for love. And marriage.

None of that let's-keep-this-open-and-see-where-it-goes crap I bought into in my 20's. I was all for it then. It wasn't forced on me and merely tolerated. I was admittedly something of a commitment-phobe myself. I'll be the first to say it.

However this is different. Because we both knew from the start that we each wanted a real, grown-up relationship, we didn't play any games at all. We had the hard conversations first - about children and exes and debt and emotional baggage. If we'd run into a dealbreaker, it would have been easier to break it off then, but we didn't and, simultaneously, we also had the fun conversations about where our lives are headed and what's important to us - favorite movies and books!

Yes! Books! He reads! That's huge in my world! He is well-read and honestly he is the smartest man I have ever dated. I think he may just be a genius.

If I do say so myself, I have a very large vocabulary and he uses words that I don't know.* (Well, not really... there was just the one word, the one time, but still - that never happens!)

*And not in that condescending I'm-just-going-to-use-random-big-words-to-make-myself-seem-smart way that annoys me. It really is just the way that he thinks.

He teaches me things, so I find it easy to look up to him and follow him and yet he always makes me feel as if he needs me too and just as much as I need him, if not more.

It's wonderful. He's wonderful! And he thinks I'm wonderful too! And beautiful and gorgeous and smart and amazing!

And he tells me so.

All the time.

He fell in love with me rather instantly and never felt the need to pretend like he didn't. That in and of itself put him in a class by himself.

It has not been very long in the grand scheme and we are not engaged, but he has repeatedly told me that I am The One for him. We have not yet met each other's families (only because of scheduling and logistics), but he knows that I will fit in perfectly with his family and he assured me that they will love me as much as he does and I believe him.

I feel the same way about him.

It has been a true whirlwind romance - thrilling, exciting, and scary all at once, but I wouldn't trade it.

In the interest of good judgment, we are letting things progress a little more slowly from here because we do both believe that marriage should not be entered into lightly because it should also be for life. Neither one of us wants to do this more than once. And much as we do want a common future, we have our very separate lives that will not easily be blended into one.

But I am so happy we've gotten to know each other.

Even though I felt like I was not ready for love and I still feel like there is much room for self-improvement, I know that I can be a better person with him, for him and because of him.

Sigh....

There are still many more things we must learn - questions to be asked and answered - and some things that can only be observed and proven with the passage of time, but I just had to share!

More to come...

Why Am I Still Single?

2009-12-14T09:54:00.000-04:00

Thankfully, I harbor no delusions about why I am not currently in a relationship.

I do not believe that my one and only soulmate is out there and I can't find him or he can't find me. I do not believe that God has not yet allowed him to cross my path.

I am not frontin' and tellin' myself and others how wonderful I am and how disappointed I am that no one is able to recognize the fabulousness that is me.

I know that nothing falls out of the sky....

I am not telling myself it is because all of the good ones are taken or gay. They are not in jail, too poor, uneducated or intimidated by my success and/or intelligence.

It is not because I am too busy, nor is it because I am fat.

Fat people fall in love every day.

Fat people get married every day.

Crazy people do. Busy people do. Ugly people do. Broke people do. I could go on.

People in every class of unattractiveness and dysfunction (physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial) find love and commitment and some level of happiness (however fleeting) in relationships - all the time.

People with low expectations do. People with high expectations do. People with no expectations do...

I know that nothing falls out of the sky....

So whether or not I am worthy or feel worthy or feel pretty and attractive isn't really at the heart of it. It is not about my work-life balance or lack thereof. Or my financial stability or lack thereof. Or the current state of my spirituality, etc...

All are factors in how I feel about starting and maintaining a relationship, but none of these things is what is really holding me back.

Am I ready for love? Am I ready for marriage?

I look inside myself and I know that I am not. In so many ways. And because I know that I am not ready, I am not even trying. In any sense of the word.

I know that nothing falls out of the sky....

I refuse to make excuses. I readily admit that I am not trying to look beautiful. I am not trying to prove that I am nurturing or supportive. I am not trying to project the right amounts of confidence and vulnerability. I am not even trying to go places where I will meet good men. I am not trying to make myself available to the good men I already know.

I do believe in the principle of the law of attraction.

Anybody remember the india.arie song "Butterfly"?

If you want a butterfly/You've got to be a butterfly

Truer words were never spoken.

If you put turnips in the ground/You won't get harvest grapes

You are what you attract/And this is nature's way

It's not that I don't like who I am now. I do really truly love myself and where my life is headed. But I am not there yet. And even though I am not sure what 'there' is; I do know that I will recognize when I am more assuredly on the path to the success that I am meant to have and the life that I am meant to live...

I am not a complete mess. I am not overly needy, an emotional wreck, carrying all kinds of baggage and/or to' up from da flo' up, but I am just not there yet.

I know that I am not who I want to be. I understand and wholeheartedly believe that I will always be a work in progress, so I am not waiting for perfection or some unreasonably lofty goals and aspirations to be met.

I just know and believe that who I would attract now (although that man might be fine for the moment) is not going to be the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

And why bother getting myself so entangled? Better...easier...all around more productive to focus on being the person I want to become.

I've got to let myself grow...

And I am okay with being alone in the interim.

I thought a lot about this when I reread my letter to an old boyfriend before posting it.

I have alluded to things that I learned as a result of our relationship and things that went wrong within it before. But rereading the post reminded me how often I reflect on him and us and our relationship and how often I am glad that our marriage did not come to pass.

Our relationship and my happiness was very 'of the moment.' The entire time I was with him, I knew - knew - that the things I liked about us and being with him were not in line with the goals I had for the rest of my life.

For some reason I had it in my mind and on my heart that I had to be married before I was thirty or else I never would be. And even though I wasn't really ready and didn't particularly want to marry him, I knew that I did not want to be single for the rest of my life or throughout my thirties and somehow I managed to convince myself that he was my last, best chance.

How silly was that?

Angry as I was with him at the time, I realize now what a favor he did me.

He also did me a great disservice by asking me to marry him when he really didn't mean it, but ultimately he made up for it when he was honest enough to say that he did not love me enough to make it forever.

I would still have more respect for him today if he had said it sooner and without prompting from me.

But the bottom line is this: we are both free to find real love because we did not marry each other. And I am so grateful for that fact I cannot hold a grudge.

Letter to an Old Boyfriend

2009-12-11T06:53:00.001-04:00

You know who you are:

First, let me say before everything that I am never sorry that we are not together. Going our separate ways was the very best thing.

I am only ever upset that I did not leave you sooner. (That's not actually the only thing that upsets me when I think about it, but it's always the main thing.)

You were so not good for me.

I am not better for having been with you. I am not better for having loved you.

Only wiser and more experienced in what not to do. What signs to look for the next time around. What pitfalls to avoid.

Deciding to leave you was hard. I don't know how you tell it, if you tell it; whether you say I broke up with you, you broke up with me or it was mutual.

It's hard to say, really.

Our relationship started to unravel and disintegrate because you stopped participating, showing up, being involved. You checked out. You went emotionally AWOL.

But it ended because I called you on it, and you were unwilling and unable to change. (Yes, I am convinced it was both.)

I want you to know that when I think of it now, I am never ever sorry it ended. (Not sorry it started either, because we did have some really good times.) Just sorry I didn't walk away sooner and with more of my self-confidence intact.

I never loved you in a way that was blind to your faults. I saw them all and I loved you anyway. I loved you anyway because I believed that you could be a better man and I loved you anyway because to me you were good enough, perfectly fine, and just simply wonderful exactly as you were.

I look back now and I see that you weren't so special - that's just the way I love.

I think it's the only way you can love a person for life: to see their faults and love them any way. It's the only way you can keep trying, keep forgiving, keep perservering through all disappointments.

You have to forgive a person their shortcomings, overlook their faults as you know they overlook yours...know there are things they are not good at, but have respect for them any way.

There was a time when I believed that's what we had, but the moment I realized that we didn't, it was easy to walk away. Not that it didn't still hurt. Not that I didn't feel rejected, but I can honestly say that I have no regrets.

From the Archives 6.14.08

I Love a Good Bra, But....

2009-12-10T10:17:00.006-04:00

When you call your creation 'the most innovative bra ever' you are just asking for criticism - especially when the innovation seems to be a series of differect strap configurations all of which we've seen before and which may or may not provide adequate support for those of us with real breasts.

I found this article entertaining all the same. Much like the one on bras for bros a while back....

Sisterlocks Boredom

2009-12-04T00:39:00.000-04:00

Another post from the archives. Written 4.19.08.

From time to time all of us comment on the fact that we are bored with our Sisterlocks and we need a change.

A friend of a friend recently cut her sisterlocks down to a TWA after 3 years...which I can't imagine...Maybe it is just a hairstyle for some folks, and not the life-altering path to freedom and self-love it is to others.

No judgments either way.

I was also reading the Hair Affairs e-zine that was delivered to my inbox today. There is an article inside that talks about how there are good days and bad days and times along the way when you will get bored with them and tired of them.

I wonder why people are so surprised about that fact. Is that unique to locking? I don't think so.

Women of all races and hair textures get bored with their hair. That's why the beauty industry makes so much money off of styling products and hair color. That's what keeps salons in business.

We all crave change at some point,. It just happens to some of us more often than others. Not having the option to wear our hair straightened seems confining and limiting to some.

People shy away from the perceived permanence of locks, but what baffles me is the fact that these same people fail to realize that it is the same with relaxed hair.

That is permanent. If you want hair that isn't chemicallly straightened you have to cut it and let it grow out again. Hair color is permanent. The only way to 'undo' that chemical process it to go over it again with more color...or cut it and grow it out again.

And how many of us can really wear every look we see in the magazines?

Most of us settle into the same 2 or 3 hairstyles that are quick and convenient. We only make exceptions on special occasions.

Add that to the fact that everybody's hair won't do like the hair models and actresses and video vixens.

This is true for several reasons. 1) No access to wind machines. 2) No on-call access to celeb stylists. 3) All hair IS NOT created equal. 4) Certain styles will NEVER be acheived by those who choose not to use OPH in the form of weaves or wigs.

SO.... what are we REALLY missing out on? Let's be honest...

The perception that relaxed hair gives you greater freedom and hairstyling choices is actually a HUGE misconception!

Locks aren't for everyone. They weren't for me at a different stage in my life, but I want people to realize that while locking is a commitment and a decision not to be made/taken lightly, one should not shy away from getting them because they are too permanent or will give them less options.

Locks offer more options, not less.

There will be times when they will frustrate you - be prepared for that. But don't give up because of bunching or shrinking. Know that it will happen and give them a chance to grow and mature and get over the rough patches.

My hair is more carefree than it has ever been in my life! I have less daily maintenance now than I did with a TWA!

Now, I can use absolutely NO product and my hair still looks good. I can go 5 or 6 weeks between tightenings (although I don't.)

With a TWA, I had to use conditioners and activators, sometimes gel, just to get it to 'do right'. I had to get it shaped up every THREE weeks....And I still only had the one look...

I too look in the mirror every day and think how much I love my locks...how much I am loving them more and more as the weeks and months go by.

4.19.08

Self-tite Advice

2009-11-29T07:18:00.001-04:00

I wrote this post exactly one year ago. It was sitting in my draft box. Today I decided to dust it off and publish it.

Before I started SLs, I was in the salon every other week getting my hair done. I only did it myself if money was TIGHT! So the thought of maintaining my hair myself was overwhelming.

I used to look at ladies I knew who did their own micros and kinky twists with extensions (both of which are time-intensive and require different skills from a blow-dry and curl or wet set for example) and think: I could NEVER do that.

So I really thought I couldn't retighten my own Sisterlocks. The first time I saw my consultant do hers and another client's - it looked like magic to me!

She was so fast it just looked like she touched the tool to the scalp 2 or 3 times and she was done!
It seemed like something I could never learn.

But after 6 months I was ready to try.

I didn't have the money for the class so I bought the nappylocs tool. I read online how to do my pattern - the reverse 4 is super-easy - and just practiced on a few.

The hardest part for me is the same thing that challenges me about twists - if doing your whole head, your arms get tired. The 2nd hardest part - IMO - is not marrying locs and doing the parts you can't see, but you learn what it should feel like with practice.

Clips help keep stray locks out of the way too.

I thought I would HATE self-maintenance, but instead I LOVE it. I do a little every day. That's the other thing I advocate. Spread it out over as long a period of time as you want.

Get over the idea that you have to do it ALL in one day. You don't have to spend hours on it 'til you're tired and frustrated. Do 20 minutes and stop if you want. When I did mine the first time it took over a week.

Now I can go straight through in 2 - 3 days if I wait a few weeks between tightenings, but instead I do 20 or so every couple if days. It's a relaxing activity while watching tv.

Many people are stressing about what to do in anticipation of job loss or moving away from beloved consultants. To those women I say: if I were you, I would try to do it myself before I combined locks or looked into other options. I've been doing my own for a year now and haven't looked back!

Good luck!

A year later ( 2 years into the DIY and a little more than 2.5 years into my lock journey) I am proud to say that I never marry locks anymore even though I never use clips or bands or any sectioning method.

I have started somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 - 50 new locks in the last two years - mostly around my hairline, but some throughout the interior. Oddly enough I keep sprouting mysterious new growth in various places and whenever the fuzzy little coils reach about half an inch I lock them up.

I am actually totally random with my tightening schedule. I call it the madness method. Those of us with SLs have our hands in our hair pretty constantly anyway. I just keep a tool nearby and whenever I feel a lock that needs tightening I do.

I have about 350 locks and on average I tighten 20 - 50 almost every day. My hair grows super fast so I could tighten every day. If I am tired or busy or just plain don't feel like it, I don't.

I don't tighten in sections. I don't tighten the front or the back or the sides. There is literally no order and no pattern. The benefit of the madness method? It makes it easy not to marry locks because I never have a section that is all loose or long.

Consequently my roots are always neat and never puffy. Enough locks on the top and sides are always tight that the loose ones never stand out. Plus I have a wavy curl pattern, so even the long loose locks lay close to my scalp.

Generally speaking I never have to do more than one rotation and tight locks are always next to loose locks, so as I reach up and feel, I never have to wonder which lock I should be working on. It is nearly impossible to marry locks when five in a cluster are all tight and only one is loose.

Some people might hate the ongoing nature of this method, but to me it's like brushing my teeth or taking a shower. It has just become a regular feature of my daily grooming routine. It is still infinitely less time-consuming overall than anything else I ever did before with my hair, so I have absolutely no complaints!

Sometimes I get a little ahead of myself and I reach up and find that all of my locks are firm and none need retightening and I find myself almost disappointed that I will have to wait a day or two for new growth.

Does anyone else tighten daily?

1810 East North Street

2009-11-21T21:09:00.000-04:00

What Have I Been Doing?

2009-11-15T15:49:00.005-04:00

Taking care of business - that's what!

Here is one of the staging jobs I recently completed.

This room wasn't even in the original MLS pictures. Because of the size – roughly 220 sq ft of floor space, the owners were counting it as a 4th BR, but because of the gabled ceilings it was really difficult to tell how to use it.

The room was very long and narrow, the roofline gave very little headroom and the 'room' was subdivided by a load-bearing structural wall that could not be removed. You could really only stand up or walk down the very center and furniture placement was a challenge.

You walked from one small space with 9 or 10 ft of height at the very center, but absolutely no headroom under the eaves to another smaller compartment with even less headroom. Anyone taller than 5 feet could only stand up in the very center.

I’m only 4’11 and once I walked through the door I could shimmy 6 inches to the right or left before I had to crane my neck and bow my shoulders! It wasn't even practical for storage. Without furniture it was almost certainly perceived as wasted space.

The narrowness and awkward angles in the larger part of the room made it impossible to put a bed anywhere without eating up precious floor space in a room where there were already so few spaces any adult could stand up straight.

I didn't want to sacrifice that valuable real estate by setting up a bed of any size - even a twin mattress or daybed. It would have seemed cramped and jammed under the eaves and still left a question about what to do with the hobbit room in the back.

The homeowner suggested I stage it as an office or playroom for children (ahhh... how I love homeowner suggestions). I told him I would stage the entire space as a 'teen suite retreat'.

Sellers need to understand that staging isn't just about decorating and design. It is also about the psychology of sales and defining purpose and usefulness.

I was reluctant to stage it as a nursery or playroom because the other 3 bedrooms in the house were downstairs and the staircase leading upstairs was narrow and a little tricky. Not completely unsafe, but not where you would want to put your small children out of sight and out of earshot while you went about your daily affairs on the first floor. And there is no way you would want an infant that far removed from the master and main living areas.

I was reluctant to make it an office because that essentially leaves you with a three bedroom house. What if a family with 3 children wanted to buy and they needed separate rooms for all of them and had no use for a home office? If we’re calling it a 4th bedroom, we need to show how it can be used as a bedroom.

Feedback Realtors had gotten prior to staging was that the owners were kidding themselves by calling it a 4th bedroom. Buyers perceived it as well-finished, well-lit, well-carpeted storage space. Somewhere that would be good to stash boxes and X-mas decorations or files – easy access and few insects to worry about.

The problem with that was – the attic had been finished in such a way that there was lots and lots of that under the rest of the eaves and gables throughout the second floor. There was already about 200 sq ft of easily accessible, relatively clean storage space. We needed to show that the room was valuable living space, not storage. The house already had more than enough storage.

The room was simply odd and there were no two ways about it. However, it was adjacent to the bonus/media room and a space that was currently finished as a walk-in closet, but that was wired and plumbed for a 4th bathroom - A project that would be easy enough for the buyers to complete if they chose. So the room made perfect sense as a place for tweens and teens to entertain their friends.

The bonus room was around the corner – perfect for movies and video games. The layout of the upstairs bedroom did not lend itself to a master suite without reconfiguring some walls and raising the roof – which someone may choose to do someday. But there was plenty of room for an adolescent to feel like they had their own space to hang out with friends away from the rest of the family, yet it was not so far removed and isolated that parents would feel uncomfortable with the set-up.

I chose to make the tiny room that you couldn’t stand up in a sleeping alcove. Even though there was no room to walk around, there was enough floor space for a king size bed!

Imagine the cozy private retreat this created for a teenager. It was enough room to have a big comfy bed. There were two small windows through which you could see the sky: day or night, but you could also make it dark for sleeping in on Saturdays and summer mornings!

I envisioned a teen-aged girl lying across the bed talking on the phone, using her laptop, or reading books – although the general concept would work just as well for a boy. The outer area was large enough to accommodate a large screen plasma TV I set up on a coffee table in another windowed nook. There was a funky cheetah print chaise lounge and zebra floor pillows (courtesy of the homeowner). It was almost like having a little studio apartment.

That would have been the coolest room for a young person! When I described it, the homeowners didn’t see my vision. Neither did my business partner or my live-in stager. Everyone was like: if you think that will work…. O-kay…

Then when I finished it they were all excited about how well I executed it. That’s one thing I love about being a stager – the opportunity to make ‘problem’ areas make sense to buyers and sellers alike.

In the end, I don’t know what the buyer will do with the space, but at least I have given them one option they may never have thought of when they saw it empty.

Trying this Again....

2009-09-19T21:02:00.001-03:00

195.5

Sigh... This weight loss journey has been a struggle. One of the hardest challenges I have ever faced in my life. Really. For so many reasons, and none of them positive.

I don't even know where to begin to tell the story or if I even want to.

No. I am not undecided. I most definitely do not want to tell the tale, but I am starting over again.

I can hardly believe I started this blog two years ago and that I was so disgusted and fed up with the extra weight then, when it was what? 40 extra lbs? 145 lbs. total? I don't know. I have to look it up.

In any case, I topped out this week at 195.

Yep.

Fifty. Pounds. Later.

I'm 4'11. My Dad is 5'11. We weigh... the same... thing.

I didn't even blog about the day I went into the specialty bra shop (oh, yeah, we're in all new territory now - the girls got waa-aay outta control months ago! They do not carry my size at the local department store or Victoria's Secret.) and the fitting consultant informed me that I needed a 'K' cup.

I knew the 'DDD' wasn't cutting it anymore and I was a-feared I would be in something ridiculous like an 'F' or a 'G'.

Nope. Bypassed them and H, I, and J.

Big breasts run in my family and I was a 'D' and then a 'DD' long before I had a weight problem. It was okay when I still had a 25 inch waist.

I couldn't believe it.

I really don't even want to know what my measurements are now. Not any of them.

I just want to look and feel like myself again. And be able to shop in the petite section and be able to reach for the S and the XS and not the 1X and XXL and actually wonder if they will fit and not be too small. It is a terrible blow to my self-esteem.

Every. Single. Time.

I refuse to get used to this and accept it as my new normal, so I have been really miserable and felt terribly unattractive for the better part of 3 years now, extremely so in the last 18 months.

As bad as I felt before when I was 40 - 50 lbs overweight, I think it is safe to say that I am now officially obese with 85 lbs to lose.

Like I said, we won't even focus on how I got here. I am determined not to look behind, but only to look forward and focus on what I am going to do to rectify this unfortunate situation.

Yesterday I joined a gym and tomorrow I start a new eating plan.

And there is nothing new about either of those things.

I had a gym membership when I began to get fat. In fact, my two year membership was just up in March of this year. Why didn't that work for me? I don't even feel like trying to analyze it.

And the new eating plan?

I've tried fasts and cleanses and Weight Watchers and NutriSystem and Medifast and my own little hobbled-together jack-leg hybrids of diets incorporating shakes and cereals and oatmeal and flax seed and various supplements and teas and frozen entrees by Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine....

Sigh...

Why didn't those work? Any of them?

....So many reasons, and again, this round of blogs is not going to be about the self-analysis. I'm saving that for my personal handwritten, off-line journal.

So what am I going to post here?

I hope to post my record of success. At the very least I want to record my activity and progress.

Like today. What did I do today?

I went to the gym.

Twice.

I went for a 9 o'clock Body Pump class, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was my very first session. There are all kinds of claims on the Internet about how many calories you burn in an hour. I've read everything from 250 to 600. I'm going for the low-to-moderate 300.

Hey! It's 300 more than I burned yesterday!

The website says Body Pump "is the fastest way to shape up and lose body fat." That's a bold claim for any routine, product, or system. So I gotta say that I don't believe the hype, but it was fun and I believe it would have to be effective over time.

I started out with really low weights, but I am looking forward to seeing how quickly I gain enough strength to increase them and I'm looking forward to seeing my muscle tone come back as the fat melts away.

I absolutely love group fitness and that's why I re-joined a gym.

I have thirty-five fitness dvds if I have one. Winsor Pilates, Yoga Booty Ballet, Core Rhythms, Turbo Jam, Zumba, etc. And I've done them all. More than once too! More than 5 or 10 times, but there's something about knowing there's a class and scheduling time to show up to work out with a group and a live instructor that really can't be beat. Somehow I need that structure.

I would love to have a personal trainer, but that is not currently in the budget, so group fitness is the next best thing to keep me consistently motivated.

I ran errands (after I came home to shower and rest) and then I went back around 7:30 p.m. and did an hour on the treadmill.

I started out at a moderate 2.8 mph, so as not to overdo it, but I chose a random incline program and was able to keep my heart rate up between 145 and 165, which according to the diagram on the treadmill was the in optimal 75% to 85% I needed to acheive sustained fat-burn.

I covered a total of 2.91 miles including warm-up and cool down and if I can believe the digital readout, I burned 325 calories.

So I possibly burned as much as 625 additional calories today. I wasn't as vigilant about my nutrition as I should have been, but you had better believe that I do not intend to bust my hump at the gym 5 days a week only to undermine my efforts with poor eating habits.

Stay tuned.

Oh, yeah. I'll get around to posting about my hair at some point before the month is over. The 29th is 2.5 years locked! 30 months.

I am never more grateful for Sisterlocks than times when I get caught in a downpour and can go about my business unconcerned, or when I have had a really hard workout and I'm sweating from my scalp - both of which happened today.

All I had to do was come home, wash it in the shower and keep getting up!

Sisterlocks are the best.

Every time I long for my loose nappy hair (which I had been doing more and more of late) I remember the convenience and freedom I now have that cannot be acheived (for me) with any other hairstyle.

Full Figure Fashion

2009-07-18T23:31:00.003-03:00

Amen. Because big girls deserve cute clothes that fit!

How It All Began....

2009-07-01T14:30:00.000-03:00

This post will remain near the top. Please scroll down for newer entries

After seeing an acquaintance with beautiful SLs in January, I immediately started exhaustive research. I wanted to know everything - how they're done, what were their origins...I went first to the Sisterlocks Official Website, but it left me wanting more. More info. More pictures...I had more questions that I wanted answered.

I Googled "Sisterlocks" and stumbled across Maryee's blog first. From there I followed links on her page and eventually discovered the LHBE. These resources - dozens of SL Journeys chronicled in words and pictures really helped me to make up my mind about starting SLs of my own. (And a blog to document my progress.)

My Sisterlocks were installed in March of 2007.

Hairstories Needed!

2009-06-26T12:22:00.002-03:00

Snagged this info from Muslimahlocs - A message from Michelle B. at the Sisterlocks Home Office:

Recently, there have been some talk shows featuring Black Hair but none of them have had any reference to Sisterlocks. It's time we flood the media with information on Sisterlocks and how much we love our hair, appreciate Dr. Cornwell for providing the ultimate option to natural hair and basically let them know that they cannot feature natural hair without recognizing Sisterlocks.

CNN is featuring part 2 of Black in America. Please click on the link and write your Hair Story.

The question is: What does your hair mean to you?

Please tell your story; post a picture of your gorgeous Sisterlocks and let the world know how you feel about your hair.

Click here: Black in America: Hair-story: News & Videos about Black in America: Hair-story - iReport.com

There's power in numbers so let's band together and get the word out about Sisterlocks.

Thanks so much for your support,Michelle B.

How I Fell Off

2009-06-24T20:16:00.002-03:00

I was reading this blog post by my Real Life-Off Line friend 9th Hour Poet. (We have known each other since before either of us had blogs or locks.)

She was talking about her good intentions for her blog and how she fell off once life got hectic and the locks got less new.

Amen, sister!

I especially fell off on taking pictures. It started when I began self-tightening.

It was my routine to take pictures before my retightening sessions, but once I started DIY, that went out the window. Then I tried to update every 4 - 6 weeks, but that was kind of discouraging because I could really only see the changes (in growth and maturity/texture) when I compared shots that were at least 12 weeks apart.

So I started taking pictures 3 - 4 months apart. Then it was 6 months and, well, then I just stopped taking progess shots entirely.

I spent the first 18 months in disbelief that my locks weren't longer. I am now 27 months locked and my Sisterlocks have just reached the length that my straight hair was when I started locking 2 years ago. If I was doing this only for length, I would be sorely disappointed right about now.

And I did have my moments. My hair grows fast. I literally retighten 20 - 30 locks one or 2 rotations every day. I have 3/4 to 1 inch of new growth every month. But due to shrinkage and other factors my growth has not turned into length.

I have watched people who started locks with 3 or 4 inches of hair aand theirs appears to be only 1 - 2 inches shorter than mine and I started locks with 7 - 10 inches of hair.

I was like: what gives?

My general dissatisfaction plus my genuine busy-ness resulted in a steep fall off on the blog posts.

I must clarify that I was not dissatisfied with my decision to lock or my naturalness. I maintain that it has been one of the best decisions ever!

I was generally dissatisfied with life for a few months, but that is another story that will probably never be told here because I try to keep it positive and keep it moving.

Matter of Trust

2009-06-17T19:21:00.003-03:00

Y'all know I am always picking up some news of the weird.

I just saw this on the 5:30 news. It's kinda neat and kinda gross at the same time.

Want to know what to do with your old hair? Send it to Matter of Trust. It's a charity that figured out how to create mats made of human hair (the founder affectionately calls them dreadlocks) to soak up oil spills.

After the mats soak up the oil, worms and fungus (mushrooms) can break them down into simpler harmless biodegradable compounds that can be effectively used as fertilizer.

I want to know what he was smoking when he came up with that idea. (Or maybe he was munching on some 'shrooms!)

Beat that Sham-Wow!

Rollasole

2009-06-10T08:25:00.004-03:00

Sometimes you hear about a really good idea and you think: I wish I'd thought of that.

Now I know some of y'all go clubbing in 4 inch heels.

And by the end of the night, your feet really, really hurt.

And going barefoot is not an option.

What if you could buy comfy ballet shoes on the spot for about the cost of a cocktail?

Rollasoles are a really ingenius solution. They are rolled up slippers dispensed from a vending machine at the club. They come in a cute little bag that you can put your more uncomfortable stillettos in.

Matt the inventor had sympathy for his girlfriend's aching feet. He knew she wasn't the only woman out there suffering in the name of fashion. They have taken off in England and I hear they are on their way to the US later this summer.

In the meantime, I'm ordering a pair from rollasole.com to keep in my purse - not just for partying, either.

I'm 4'11 and I wear 4 inch heels daily to luncheons and business meetings. Depending on where I've been and what I've been doing and how long I've been wearing them - I have issues at the end of the day.

There have been times I wanted to do my grocery shopping or stop by the mall, but thought to myself: not in these shoes!

Sometimes I carry flip-flops or flat sandals in my car, but not always. And sometimes I'm riding with a friend. In either case, those shoes are bulky and inflexible. They do not fit neatly in a purse. Compact and discreet portability is a huge plus!

But again, as an entrepreneur - Kudos to Matt for creating a product that meets a need. It's priced right and he has a great idea for product placement.

In da club - Awesome! You go, boy!

Apparently he even has plans to make them available at weddings and events.

How many women leave for a wedding in horrid pointy shoes with full knowledge that the shoes will come off well before the reception is over? And even when you dance the night away uninhibited by heels - how much protest do you get from your feet when you go to stuff them back in the shoes for the walk to the car or bus or the train?

Even the walk from the car to the house can be agony if you have to put the shoes back on.

I'm very interested to see what becomes of this product and idea.

Precious Jill

2009-04-05T23:02:00.002-03:00

I rarely write reviews of any type, but I am and have always been a fan of Jill Scott. I have loved her music and songwriting from the beginning and was very impressed with her acting skills in Why Did I Get Married?

So when I saw that she was to star as Precious Romotswe, of The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, I was intrigued. I had heard of the series, but had never made any attempts to read any of the books.

Some have criticized the books and the HBO series as being too light-hearted and simplistic, but I for one have enjoyed the first two installments. Don't we have enough gritty realism in our own lives?

I used to watch Murder She Wrote with my grandmother and Monk with my sister. How real are they? Not very. It is nice to have an African woman featured as a detective - and most of her mysteries are not murders. I like that no one has to die. Sometimes people do, but not every time, and to me that is refreshing.

I like the humor. I like the way she uses common sense to solve the mysteries, but she is still naive about some things as well. I like that. To me, that is real. Even smart, capable people have gaps in their knowledge and experience that make them vulnerable. The lack of foresight that all of us have accounts for so many of our mistakes, but if we are able to think and act quickly, we mostly avert disaster.

I love the portrayal of Africans. We see different types of hair and dress and grooming, some traditional and some Western. I love Jill's wardrobe and the fact that her full-figure is celebrated and Precious is proud of it, but there is realism in the fact that some people criticize her for it. Some of the men call her 'fat and fabulous', while a jealous wife calls her a 'fat tart'. Isn't that just how life is?

After watching the first two episodes, I am definitely looking forward to the rest of the series.

My Other Blog

2009-02-04T06:06:00.002-04:00

Please check out my other, other, other blog - Showhomes in the Upstate.

I know y'all are like what is she smokin'?/she is trippin' for real....if she thinks she's going to maintain another blog....

For real though, I'm doing a lot better.

I was seriously remiss on the Internet marketing front last year, but this year I'm going to do better. I'm off to a great start. I have been posting to the new business blog weekly. Yes! Weekly.

Many of you have asked about my business via facebook and through my personal e-mail. I have not had time to reply to everyone individually, but business is actually going very well this year.

I would love for all of my readers who have followed my Sisterlocks story to subscribe to my Showhomes blog, and please feel free to leave your comments there as well.

Walk It Out

2009-02-03T01:36:00.001-04:00

I'm very excited. I have begun my first week of training for the marathon. I am not sure what goal I will be able to reach. When I was younger and healthier, I could always whip my body into good shape in a matter of 4 - 5 weeks. As I have gotten older and experienced some considerable health challenges, I have realized that I can no longer take that ability for granted.

I would love, love, love to run the full marathon. But I don't want to set my sights that high and find myself discouraged to the point of giving up, so I am going into this with the intention of completing the half marathon as a walker - which will still be a considerable achievement for me.

Racing to Save Lives

2009-01-28T14:36:00.002-04:00

Many of you know that I lost my sister Michelle to a blood cancer in May of 2005. I learned about Team in Training through Phil and Amy P. of Biggest Loser fame. (They live here in Greenville.)

I have a plan to get fit by summer and think this is an excellent way to make sure I stick with it!

I'm training to participate in an endurance event as a member of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team In Training. All of us on Team In Training are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives.

I am completing this event in honor of all individuals who are battling blood cancers. These people are the real heroes on our team, and we need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - a cure!

Please make a donation to support my participation in Team In Training and help advance LLS's mission.

You may do so by following the link to My Fundraising Page.

I hope you will visit my web site often. Be sure to check back frequently to see my progress.

Thanks for your support!

Natasha Little

Sisterlocks Gathering

2008-12-26T21:26:00.005-04:00

Blessed Gem Lady and I were talking last week and we decided that it was way past time for another Sisterlocks gathering. The last one was in March! We are so overdue for one.

We decided to have it on Saturday, February 28th at 12:30 p.m. We know that's about 2 months away, but that gives us all a chance to put it on our calendars, book a babysitter and save our pennies (if necessary).

It will be held at the Crown Point Family Restaurant, 2815 Sardis Rd North, Charlotte, NC 28227.

The invitation is open to all who have attended in the past and anyone within driving distance who reads this post and would like to attend. If you have locks (of any kind), want locks, are considering locks or going natural, you are welcome to join us. The only thing we ask is that you RSVP to me through my blog or by e-mailing me at the address to the right. We need to have an accurate count to make our reservations at the restaurant.

It seems we've done it again...

2008-11-26T22:55:00.004-04:00

We all know that sometimes another blogger will write a post that expresses the very same thing we were thinking about in almost the very same way.

Sunsail has just done a post about whether or not she needs grooming.

Ha-ha! She posted very good pictures and her locks look exactly like mine do right now at 20 months. So now I don't have to.

Or, rather, don't have to feel guilty about not posting them because we all know I'm slack about the pictures. I wasn't about to illustrate my point, just describe it.

I have the same fuzzy-wuzzies.

I look at my hair overall and the fuzzies don't bother me at all. I think it looks fine and neat enough.

It's a little unruly, but I freestyle 95% of the time and I didn't start locks to be buttoned-down and conventional. I'm not expecting perfection and total conformity from my locks.

I knew I wouldn't have the smooth, silky, rope-y (is that a word?) locks I see on other people. But ... having said all that, when I look at them individually or run my hand down the length of them, I feel like something needs to be done.

I feel like I am due for a grooming.

I've had the odd bunchy mini-fro that will sprout from a lock.

Until recently they have been few and far between and always near the ends. I've been trimming those with scissors at will, but in the last month it's like they have suddenly gotten totally out of control.

I have more than I can keep up with and they are appearing anywhere along the length of my locks - near the scalp and in the middle.

As all my readers know, my consultant moved away six moths ago. It has been ok because I started self-tightening a year ago.

But now I am missing her.

I was just thinking earlier to-day that I must be due for a grooming and who can I go to?

There are two reasons I don't want to do it myself.

1) The very first time I tried self-grooming I lopped off about 4 inches of the end of one of my favorite locks - not even the one I was trying to groom. So every time I take scissors to my hair I have a tiny scary flashback, but I take a deep breath and go at it anyway.

So far I have not done that again.

2) There are just so many that need it. I will undoubtedly miss some and I want to be done with it all at once.

I enjoy retightening my hair at random and over a period of days, but I do not feel the same way about grooming. I am going to need to find a consultant!

Bras for Bros

2008-11-24T10:24:00.003-04:00

Occasionally I see stories on the Internet that I just have to share.

This definitely falls into the "what the....?" category.

I was trying to find another story entirely on the MSNBC site when this title caught my eye, "Bras for Bros a Hit in Japan." Having once dated a man with man boobies (very briefly and don't ask!) I was immediately intrigued.

No mention was made of the bra being worn for actual support of male breastuses, but more for the psychological need to satisfy their 'inner woman.'

The bra is available in black, pink, and white and designed to be "worn discreetly under men's clothing." Consumers are quoted as saying, "Wow, we'd been waiting for this for such a long time."

Really? Who knew?

Another Flashback

2008-10-02T20:24:00.000-03:00

Check out this collage I did at two months. I can't believe how light and fluffy my locks were.

I am so glad they have much more weight and density now. That's what I've gained instead of length. That's what's happened to all of the hair I feel like I'm 'missing'.

The Lazy Woman's Comparison Post

2008-10-01T19:54:00.000-03:00

So the 18 month marker got me thinking that I should do a comparison post to track the changes, but my other photos are on my other computer that's slow and i haven't transferred the files and it just seems like too much of a chore right now.

However...just about a year ago I did comparison shots of the first 5 months.

Here is a link to that post.

You can observe the first part of my progression.

Do you see what I mean now?

Look at how full and long they were at 4 and 5 months before they started to shrink!

Seems like the growth just stalled for the next 8 months and just started up again about three months ago.

I know it was growing because I was tightening it up on the regular, but here I am a year later and it looks not very much longer than it did a year ago - especially compared to the fast growth you can see that I experienced in my first 4 months.

Intellectually I know that it is continuing to grow at a steady rate, but the growth is showing up differently according to the different phases of lock maturation.

Eighteen Months - Still in Love

2008-09-29T19:47:00.004-03:00

Today marks my 18-month lockiversary.

Wow! I can't believe it. Another milestone.

I remember so vividly the day I started. I remember staring in the mirror at three months and six and twelve - wondering what I would look like on this day.

Not like I imagined. I am not disappointed, but it amazes me that I can be so surprised even though I didn't really know what to expect.

My locks are not the size, shape or length I thought they would be.

****

I just got back from a mini-vacation in Charleston, SC. Some friends of mine chartered a boat for a dinner cruise in the harbor. It was a pleasant diversion - an opportunity to mix and mingle with old friends and new.
Otherwise I would definitely have been at the Atlanta Sisterlocks Meetup.

I was sort of bummed that I couldn't do both, but I signed on to do the dinner cruise three months ago.

Anyhow...I ran into my original Sisterlocks Inspiration on the cruise!

It was funny to see her because we met 4 years ago (November 2004) on a Carnival Cruise through mutual friends. She lived in another city so we didn't see each other again even though we planned to and then she moved out of state and changed her phone number so we lost touch.

I've wanted to tell her all this time that I started my Sisterlocks because of that chance meeting we had years ago. When I say out of state, I mean waa-ay out of state. She is practically on the other coast. Since she was a friend of a friend and not a close personal friend, neither of us really put forth any special effort to communicate, but it was great to see her over the weekend and catch up!

It was wonderful to speak with her again and trade notes on locking and maintenance. Hers were cute baby-locks 4 years ago and now they are down her back. I would have posted a picture of us both, but she is a very private person, so I have to respect her wishes about that.

(Who do I think I'm fooling? Y'all know I'm incredibly slack about posting pictures of my own self alone!)

I remembered thinking that her hair texture seemed to be a lot like mine and hoping that my locks would look like hers as they matured (and they do). After 5 + years of locking she still has curly-q ends, which I actually find encouraging.

Y'all hear me say it all the time. I like my curly ends and I don't want them to go away. She gives me hope that maybe they won't.

Our hair looks very much the same with the exception of length. And her locks are smaller than my own - by half. She has over 700 locks. I have only about 320.

Still not regretting my decision because she doesn't have the patience to tighten her own even though she learned how. (The same way I know that I would not if I had that many - and it takes about 5 hours now when she goes to a consultant.)

No thanks!

An interesting side point though: I have started at least two dozen new locks since my original installation and y'all know that I split several of my locks 3 - 5 months back.

All of the new locks are micro-mini-small. And I love them!

When I first started my lock journey I was all about the larger locks. I had no love for the tiny ones and was very vocal about wanting to have locks that were closer in size to smaller traditionals.

However, with the passage of time I've had a change of heart.

I'm still glad not to have a head full of tiny locks and the size I chose at installation kept me from having the plucked chicken look and the head full of kinky thin wispies I dreaded, but I am giving serious thought to splitting a few more.

Most of my locks didn't really swell and are just a little but larger in diameter than they were at the beginning. There's just the odd lock here and there that's fatter than I would like. Out of the 320 or so I would guess that 15 - 20 are larger than I want them to be.

I want to take them down but I am hesitant for three reasons.

1) I have started many new locks, but I started them all from new growth. I am not sure I really know how to neatly re-install a lock with 12+ inches of hair. And you all may recall that my consultant moved away 4 months ago. Since I have been self-tightening I haven't bothered to try to find a new one.

I don't especially feel like hunting one down and making a trip out of town. If Phyllis was still here I could do them two or three at a time and just drop in at her house whenever I felt like it, but if I go find another consultant and I have to travel, I feel like I should take them all down at once and get them all re-installed at once.

Truthfully that's more of a time and money commitment than I'm ready for right now.

2) Overall I don't really care about my parts (or I thought I didn't), but I do have a pretty decent grid pattern. And I've realized that choosing locks to split at random is going to wreak havoc with it.

3) And third - I'm fully locked. Those fat locks are the kind of solid silky ropes we all dreamed of in the beginning. As little as 6 months ago they were still shrinking and bunching and now they're perfect. I hate to bust them up and start all over again. So I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons.

There really are no pros to splitting them because there are no cons to leaving them. There's nothing wrong with them as they are. I think part of the reason I want to split them is just to satisfy my desire for change. I like the energy and movement and feel that new locks have and I miss it. They're soft and springy and they change so much from week to week.

I really enjoyed going through the process all over again when I split the locks at my temples earlier this year, but now they are firming up and coming into their own and that fun phase is over.

It was kind of the best of both worlds because I had the newness but when they were kinky and misbehaving (as teenagers will do) it wasn't horrible because most of the locks were more mature and well behaved so I could just pin them down and blend them in.

Well, that's the latest. As you know, comments are always welcome!

So...I don't know what I'm going to do - nothing yet.

Stay tuned....

Catch it if You Can

2008-09-08T19:31:00.002-03:00

There's a great documentary currently running on HBO.

The Black List: Volume One.

It's about 90 minutes long and features interviews with a diverse group of noteable black folks - from entertainers to athletes to writers to politicians.

Here is the list:
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, basketball legend
Sean Combs, musician
Mahlon Duckett, Negro Leagues baseball star
Thelma Golden, museum curator
Lou Gossett, Jr., actor
Bill T. Jones, choreographer
Vernon Jordan, attorney
Marc Morial, former New Orleans mayor
Toni Morrison, author
Suzan-Lori Parks, playwright
Richard Parsons, executive
Colin Powell, former Secretary of State
Susan Rice, political strategist
Chris Rock, comedian
Al Sharpton, activist
Lorna Simpson, artist
Slash, musician
Dawn Staley, basketball star
Faye Wattleton, former Planned Parenthood president
Keenen Ivory Wayans, actor
Serena Williams, tennis star
Zane, author

I watched it several days ago and have been meaning to recommend it ever since.

It is very well done. The fact that it is titled Volume One hints that there will be more to come. I certainly hope so. There are so many stories to be told.

There is even a website www.whosonyourblacklist.com where you can go and post your own story or that of someone you know.

I am a film history buff ( I love old movies and Old Hollywood in spite of the way we have been treated and portrayed - so it is living as an African in Ameirica, all relationships are love/hate aren't they?) and I am particularly fascinated with the 40s and 50s. So I know quite a bit about the original Black List.

The documentary opens with a reference to it and how we can reclaim a phrase that once had a negative connotation and embrace it for good.

I have not felt that this could be done with the 'n' word in reference to blacks or the 'b' word in reference to women. I never use either in my personal speech, but I do like the idea of creating a positively charged black list.

However you feel about the phrase, please try to view the documentary. It is sure to uplift you and make you think.

The Black List Project

2008-09-08T17:05:00.000-03:00

There's more at The Black List Project.

Comments Always Welcome

2008-09-01T14:00:00.000-03:00

Please scroll down for newer entries.

I love reading comments! I have to say it is my favorite part of having my own blog.

I have christened myself The Long-Winded Commenter because, well, because I always have an opinion, and I'm not sure I could be concise if my life depended on it! So! I said all that to say: feel free to comment anytime - as often as you like and as much as you like. Even if you disagree. I really enjoy getting the opportunity to consider different points of view.

And: it's never too late. I get notices of new comments left in my daily e-mail inbox, so even if you comment on older posts, I'll get it. I don't expect that everyone who stops by will read my blog from beginning to end, but if you should happen to read an older post and you are moved to leave a comment, do not be deterred by the fact that weeks or months have passed. I will still be delighted to hear from you and will post a reply at my first opportunity.

If I don't answer immediately, it is usually because I am considering turning my reply into a post. You see, the long-windedness leads to procrastination.

Seventeen Months - Still in Love

2008-08-29T02:59:00.002-03:00

Seventeen months is kind of a weird marker. Not like 12 or 15 or 18.

My locks are growing and y'all are just gonna have to take my word for it since I haven't taken pictures in about 6 months.

I haven't really been paying much attention to the length or rate of growth. It doesn't make a difference. My hair won't grow or change any faster due to my worrying about it.

I did notice a few weeks ago that I can put it in a lower ponytail without having pieces stick out. The layers are such that I can now fit all of it into one ponytail holder. I don't have to use the two-band trick that I told Meikmeika about anymore, but I still do sometimes because I like the look it gives me.

I hope I can make the time to take pictures at some point before I get to my 2 year anniversary!

More for the sake of my readers than for my own reasons. I'm just so much less concerned about it than I was at the beginning. I'm just letting it do it's thing and it's not changing much except for length. My locks are growing but not especially fast. I don't think I'm experiencing the growth spurts people talk about having in the second year.

Of course, it's hard to tell because I haven't taken pictures.

That's all for now. Looking forward to posting about my 18 month milestone in roughly thirty days.

To Me on My 31st Birthday

2008-08-09T11:47:00.002-03:00

Ok, so I don't celebrate, so there will be no cards or party, etc., but....

Today is my birthday and I always use this day to look back on the previous year and think about my accomplishments and lessons learned. I tick off the goals I reached and make note of the ones I abandoned.

2008 has been a very transitional year for me in a lot of ways. And I went through a lot of changes in the latter part of '07. The last four months were an absolute whirlwind of activity, and decision-making.

I think of where I was mentally, spiritually and emotionally this time a year ago and many things are different and not all of them are better.

We won't even talk about the physical. I am still fat and feeling miserable about it.

The weight loss goals have totally taken a backseat to everything else, but besides not having lost weight I am just not feeling healthy. And it's harder to do everything - even think - when you're not feeling your best.

Last year this time I was more recently out of two back-to-back relationships so I was more preoccupied with wanting to be in another one and wondering why my love life was not as I wanted it to be.

Now, I'm more in a place where I have decided to find and cultivate and maintain my own happiness. Not that I wouldn't welcome love with open arms if it came into my life, but I can not expend any energy looking for it. There are too many other important things to be done.

My greatest accomplishment in the last 12 months has been starting my own business.

Eight months in and it is no less scary than it was at the very beginning. In fact, now it may be a little more scary because I had a few set backs a few months ago, so I have not hit my projected sales and income goals. Therefore I will really have to hustle before the end of the year to pull it together!

There's an American Express commercial running now featuring Diane von Furstenberg and she says something I can really identify with. "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become."

I have felt that way for much of my life. There are so many things I enjoy. I like to write. I like to design. I like to teach. I like to travel. I like meeting new people. And feel like I am good at these things.

But time seems so limited. (And let's be honest, quite often so is money.) When you think of how much (or how little) of each you have, then your options and choices can begin to seem limited too.

It was a great big leap of faith for me to decide to start my own business and I'm still not sure that I won't fall flat on my face with this, but we'll see.

Nevertheless I am eager to see what challenges and triumphs the next year of my life will bring.

Sixteen Months and Still in Love

2008-07-29T12:09:00.000-03:00

Wow! Sixteen months - I can hardly believe it.

I am still every bit as much in love with my locks as ever, but like a lot of people I have been through stages of boredom and frustration - wishing they were different and briefly longing for the days when my hair was not on lockdown.

Sometimes I do want my silky smooth hair that I could comb and brush. Sometimes I do want to wear styles that are no longer optional. I think what a fierce fro I could wear with the length I've got now. I think what styles I could craft from waves and curls and coils if it were loose.

But the reality is that in all of my life before Sisterlocks, I rarely wore the styles I long for now. A handful of times for all, with the exception of straightened hair. I looked back on ten years of pictures and I was wearing essentially the same hairstyle in all of them.

I had variations in color, slight changes in length and parting, but it was almost always a layered shag or bob. That's how my hair grows and it was a look that was flattering and easy to maintain.

When I wasn't wearing that style I had two-strand twists using my own hair or kinky twists with extensions. Those were my staples.

Right now it is hot - summer in the South is sweltering. I've been running errands and having meetings and going shopping for my business and I tell you - many a day I have broken a sweat before I know it.

I'm one of those people who sweats at the scalp. So my head has been drenched with sweat, but did I look like it? Did I have puffy roots? Did my curls fall out? No. So every time I've wished I had a different look, I've remembered those facts.

I have almost no time to spend fussing with my hair. If I didn't have the locks, I would be looking a hot mess a good deal of the time. Not really, because I believe in looking my best, but it would definitely take a lot more time, trouble, energy, and money to keep myself looking good. I am so happy that I discovered Sisterlocks.

I used to wear kinky twists during the summer to deal with the heat and humidity, but my own hair is so much softer and lighter and more versatile - not to mention cheaper, cleaner, and easier to maintain.

From the archives....

2008-07-15T20:10:00.001-03:00

We all know that I am always starting some sort of new feature on my blog.

....and then abandoning it.

Does anyone remember the entrepreneurial inspirations?

Granted, I did abandon that one in my quest to live the dream and become my own ei, but anyway, I'm starting another one and we'll try and see if I can keep it up.

I checked my draft box and I have ~drumroll, please ~ Sixty-Five drafts sitting in my box right now.

Wow!...if you had asked, I would have said I had between 25 and 30.

Nope.

They stretch all the way back to April '07!

If I post them to their original dates, they likely won't get read. So I'm going to use them to fill in some of the gaps when I don't have time to create new posts.

I believe a lot of my thoughts are still relevant, but many of them make reference to older posts by other bloggers. Just telling you all so you don't wonder why I'm talking about old stuff like it just happened.

Tiny Locks

2008-07-10T23:08:00.002-03:00

You know what Amina?

Just the other day someone said to me, "Your locks are so tiny. It seems like they would break..."

No one has ever said that to me in more than a year, so it was quite the surprise, but my hair was up and you could see all of the little ones around the hairline.

Of course, I explained that unlike other types of locks, Sisterlocks are formed using a patented tool and interlocking method, so they are very strong. I even let her tug on a few to see for herself. She was also surprised that they were so soft.

But girl....Your locks are super-tiny!

Not especially by Sisterlocks standards, but people will probably always comment on them . I just think people aren't used to seeing them - especially in combination with the kind of length you have.

My locks are small as compared to other locks, but they're kind of on the big side for SLs. I never think about this because the only locks I see up close on a regular basis are my own and my consultant's and they're about the same size.

But when I went to my first SL gathering in Charlotte everyone had little ones like yours and I felt like mine were freakishly huge (although they aren't).

I wondered if there would ever come a time when I wished that mine were smaller.

A few days later while I was retightening I thought: NOPE! I made the right choice for me.

I have about 100 tiny ones and it is SO tedious on the self-tite! Other people may not mind AT ALL, but for me - I'd just as soon NOT be bothered.

I have come to like self-tightening, but I would loathe it if I had a head full of small locks.

As if I Needed Another Project

2008-07-07T00:33:00.001-03:00

But you know what? I really did.

Do.

Need a project.

I recently posted about needing a vacation and how I won't be able to take one in the foreseeable future.

Anyhow, for me the next best thing is a project.

I was thinking about my life and I realized that it's been years since I have learned anything really new.

All of the things I have learned have been variations on other skills I already had. For example, I have learned new dances and new recipes, but I already knew how to dance and how to cook.

I feel like I need to learn something and I have considered many different types of classes (i.e: pottery, knitting, glazing stained glass), but I really don't have the time to show up for anything on a consistent basis. Not now with my business in these fledgling stages.

So what then?

For years I have wanted to learn to speak Russian. I joked about it way back when I first talked about my blogger identity (and the twins - sergei and svetlana: click here to read the 'birth announcement'). And I have made random comments to Sunsail from time to time.

"But, BlackRussian," you say, "You have already learned two languages in your life time, isn't learning a third still a variation on a skill you already have?"

To which I must reply, "Pish-posh and don't pester me with petty things like irrefutable logic. I am trying to feel like I am breaking out to do something O-Riginal, O-Kay!!!"

So I'm going to try my hand at learning to speak Russian. I really want to. I think it would be the coolest!

Since my name is Natasha, I am frequently asked by Russians and Eastern Europeans if I know that it is a Russian name. I always say, "Da." And then I am asked, always in jest, if I know how to speak any more Russian, to which I must inevitably reply, "Nyet," as those two words and 'vodka' don't really count.

I would love love love to surprise each and every person who asks me that from now until the day I die with the ability to actually hold a conversation in Russian.

I love hearing my name on the lips of a Russian. Hearing it pronounced with the proper accent - mm...there's nothing like it.

Two things have always discouraged me: 1) I'm a visual learner. I love to read and write...and I was totally stumped by the Cyrillic alphabet. The thought of learning new words, new grammar, new syntax and a new alphabet??? Most daunting, indeed!

Those other extra characters that don't even look like the ones we use just really put me over the edge. It was enough of a challenge learning Spanish and we have so many cognates and words in common - it's pretty easy to figure things out even of you've never seen or heard them before.

Not so with Russian - at least not in it's written form. I knew I stood no chance of figuring out words intuitively and by sight.

So it remained one of those goals filed under 'cool things to do before I die', like learn to sky dive or fly a plane. Yeah, it would be pretty awesome to say that I could or that I had, but somehow not really worth the time and trouble it would take to apply myself to making it happen.

Obstacle number two was this: I knew from my attempts to learn Spanish that all the self-study and classroom instruction in the world is no good if you don't get to practice speaking a new language with natives. It just won't take hold.

Who speaks Russian in Greenville, SC? I only meet Russians when I travel.

Well...Monday I found out about the Atlanta Sisterlocks Meetup. I was visiting Naturally Sophia's Blog and that's how I found out about Meetup. She had the cute little badge on her site (and now I have one too!)

So once I figured it out (and got over myself, because I was like: another social networking site, really? Can any good come from this? I'm not against them in principle - there are just so many of them now, competing for your time and attention, it's like: who can keep up?!) and got the hang of creating profiles and navigating the site, I looked up Meetups in Greenville, SC - and lo and behold, there is a group that meets regularly to speak Russian!

Supposedly it is a mix of native speakers and students. So today I trotted myself down to the Barnes and Noble and bought me a book that teaches words and phrases phonetically. (I opened it up to a page that completely took the mystery out of the Cyrillic alphabet and I was hooked!) I also purchased a set of Pimsleur CDs.

I swear by the Pimsleur Method. It was essential in my Spanish studies. I don't really know how it compares to Rosetta Stone.

Pimsleur teaches you a new language in the same way that you learned your own native tongue. You listen to and overhear conversations spoken by native speakers. You learn new words through repetition, association and context.

You are also asked questions at regular intervals. They require you to think of the answer and figure out what words to use for a proper response, just like real conversation. It is much more engaging than other tapes that have you recite phrases because you have to reply like you would in conversation.

It is a very natural process. There are no books or written materials - you simply listen and recite - with emphasis on authentic pronunciation.

The theory is that introducing written materials hinders your ability to learn authentic pronunciation because you still see written words and associate them with English and your brain wants to pronounce them the familiar English way and you spend weeks and months trying to overcome that and form new associations, but if you learn a language first by listening - like children do - and introduce the written word later then that doesn't happen.

It kind of makes sense to me. Also seems like it would help to circumvent my hang-ups about the alphabet.

I know you must be wondering this: If I am such a believer in learning the language without the written word, then why did I buy a book and get excited about it?

Because I know myself, and I know there will be times when I will want a quick reference for a certain word or phrase and I will not be able to recall it from the CDs. In books like this, words are grouped by type and function, as opposed to alphabetically like dictionaries, which would be of no use to me with my current lack of skills.

From what I understand, Rosetta Stone operates on a similar principle of repetition and association, but they do introduce written words simultaneously with pronunciations and I think they pair them with pictures. I'm sure that works, but it seems like more than I need right now.

That might be helpful once I've learned to speak in conversation and decide to get around to trying to learn to read and write it. I might invest in the program if I decide to take my studies to the next level, but right now I want to become fluent in conversation. I want to get my feet wet and go to one of the local events.

I'll be sure to keep you posted on my progress.

Ladies, I gotta say you all are really good about not calling me out on the things I start and don't finish....So...yeah...we'll see where this one goes.

Not this year....

2008-07-05T12:08:00.000-03:00

So I was all hyped to go to the Sisterlocks Homecoming.

I've been thinking about and planning for it all year.

However...as everyone knows, I started the business.

I was hoping to have found a qualified partner or hired a personal assistant by now to be able to handle things for me while I am away or if I get sick, but not so far.

I had a really promising meeting with another stager who has her own business the other day. We see eye to eye on a lot of things and we have many of the same goals and principles. We intend to work together on a few projects and see what happens after that.

But...that's not helping me in the here and the now. Just because of where I am in the cycle of business operations and marketing, I can't afford to be away because I can't lose momentum. I have to follow up some hot leads and I have some obligations to existing clients and there is no one here to work on it, but me....which fact I defintely hope to change in the next 6 months.

....So I can take that week-long vacation to the Carribean!

We'll have to meet some other time Muslimah. I am quite disappointed.

To Post or Not to Post?

2008-07-04T02:26:00.000-03:00

Amina asked me if I'm really back. Apparently so.

I always have lots to say. I have abundant opinions on almost everything.

Seriously, the main reason I haven't posted was because I know y'all want pictures to break up what otherwise amounts to pages and pages of journal entries, and I haven't had any.

Believe it or not, I haven't taken any since February...yeah...I really fell off on the comparison shots. It has just become less important to me to track the changes in my locks visually. I know they're growing and I know they're changing and I don't need pictures to verify.

I don't have the watched-pot syndrome I had in the beginning, but I guess I really should take some pics for those who follow my blog. I'll try to get around to it.

It seems I was missed, if only by a dedicated few, so here is my compromise: You know I hate taking pictures! But I will. However, I'm not promising to post them right away.

I'll continue to publish posts as I write them, and one of these days, I will come back and add pics to all of the posts that need them (really, I will...notice I didn't specify when, though...hmm....some time before 2009....) It's either that or watch me drop out again until September, at least!

Deal?

Black Russian Needs A Vacation

2008-07-03T02:03:00.002-03:00

The way you need a vacation just when things get really stressful and hectic and you feel like you haven't got a moment to spare for yourself.

Last week I read a novel. A fluffy chick-lit beach read.

I actually bought it last year.

Last year this time I was in Miami. It was supposed to be a fun getaway with my best friend and boyfriend at the time, but everything that could go wrong - did.

The boyfriend and I broke-up about a month before the trip, so he didn't come, and all of the things I'd planned for us to do together were no longer going to hold the same thrill. In retrospect, I really should have cancelled - but I got a really great deal on the vacation package, and I'd booked it online, so I thought I couldn't cancel. (Re-read the fine print after things began to go wrong and found out that I could have without penalty....That was disappointment #1)

Our reservations were all wrong. We didn't get the room we expected. Many of the things that were promised as part of our package deal were available only if we paid additional fees.

One of those things was a beach chair with towel and umbrella.

My friend is Scotch-Irish and extremely fair-skinned. She needed an umbrella. I refused to rent one for $10/hr when I could buy one for $12 and use it all week. So, she covered up with a towel from the room and a big floppy hat, but still managed to get burned in the 30 minutes it took me to walk back to Collins Ave to buy an umbrella. When I came back she was red and glowing. She actually turned purple by the next morning and was sick in bed.

I felt awful and I was pretty scared for her too.

We were also promised free wi-fi. Both of us were planning to work a little from the comfort of our hotel room during the heat of the day and venture out for shopping in the afternoon and dinner and dancing during the evenings.

We felt like there was a bait and switch and so would not pay $25/day for Internet Access. What??? And so we had trek all over South Beach looking for hotspots with laptops in tow - just to check our e-mail!

It wasn't all bad. There were plenty of bright spots. We met some awesome people and made lots of friends. We discovered a great Mediterranean restaurant that we ate at every day, but there were enough hassles that we never got to relax on the beach and read books on the beach like we planned.

So I came back home and put the book on the shelf.

I didn't read it in all of this time because there were so many other (more productive) things I felt I should be doing.

I should be studying. I should be teaching. I should be working. I should be volunteering.

What does it contribute to anyone for me to read a silly novel?

But last week, I said, 'so what?' I'll squander a few hours reading a book that will in no way enrich my life or make me a better person. It was rather like a mini-vacation. I really enjoyed myself.

And the other thing was this: Every time I looked at the book it reminded me of the vacation that wasn't. Yes I got away (and to one of my favorite cities at that) but rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation completely eluded me.

But I finally got over that too.

But that wasn't at all what this post was s'posed to be about.

Although my faithful readers have gotten used to me and my digressions.

I do need a vacation. Haven't had a good one where I came back feeling refreshed in I don't know when. Feels like never.

And I don't know when I'll get to. I keep taking short trips that are related to work or some other obligation and I am never gone long enough to really unwind, you know?

But I have rambled on long enough in this post, so I'll have to follow it up with another later on.

In Response to Southern Girl...

2008-07-01T17:57:00.004-03:00

What? My words of wisdom aren't enough for you???

Pictures? You need pictures?!?

Hmph!

(JK) Southern Girl called me out because I just put up two posts after a three month absence and I have no pictures.

Y'all know I was never the best at posting pictures in timely fashion - words I have in abundance... Pictures, not so much... and that is precisely why I haven't posted in soooo long.

I have about 12 posts sitting in draft right now and most of them require pictorial accompaniment but I haven't had time to take pictures or upload the ones I have taken.

Plus, when I started my business I bought a new laptop, a new camera, and a new phone.

So I've had a huge learning curve on all this new stuff and some pics are on my desktop, some pics are on my phone, some pics are on one laptop, some pics are on the other.

I was pretty slack on posting pictures anyway, but now I am especially challenged and I have less time to boot!

Like Southern Girl, my smallest locks are also at the crown. I had them installed that way for fullness too. I refer to that area affectionately as 'the thicket'.

In the beginning it was my least favorite area to retighten. It was most prone to tangling and married locks, which I refer to (and not affectionately) as unholy unions.

However, once I realized that there was no reason I had to wait 4 weeks or 6 weeks or any set amount of time to retighten, everything changed.

I retighten that area as needed. That means very often. That area - the thicket - probably accounts for about a third of my locks - so we're talking about 100 or so. I retighten 5 to 10 locks every 2 - 3 days. Sometimes I'll go in and do all of them, then I won't need to go back again for 2 - 3 weeks.

But my hair grows fast enough that I do have enough growth in that time to merit another tightening. In fact, I really need to do it that often to stay on top of it.

Unlike my consultant, I can't see what I'm doing and I have to work entirely by feel and I don't really like bothering with clips, so I never separate my parts properly. I also rely on feel to make sure I'm staying within the established grid pattern.

So it is especially important that I don't let the thicket get out of hand. I try to keep the passes with the tool to a minimum: 3 - 4 (and sometimes 6) loops through the base of the lock as opposed to the 6 - 10 I would face at 6 weeks.

Yep...more words and still no pictures.

Lock-Splitting

2008-07-01T10:43:00.007-03:00

The LWC strikes again....

I've had in mind to do a post on my own lock-splitting experience for about three months now, but I have been too busy. I was thinking about it again this morning, and then I found myself at Amba's blog where she recently wrote about it.

Doesn't that happen ALL the time in the blogosphere?

I was the first one to insist that I didn't want micro and mini locks, and I still don't want them all over my head. (Since I have started self-tightening, I have been especially happy with my decision to get larger than standard sisterlocks.)

However, I find that small locks have their place. I've started about twenty locks around the edges of my hairline since my initial locking and all of them are small because there just wasn't a lot of hair available, but it was more than I wanted to leave loose.

And I like them, they're fine. They are more of a pain to retighten than the larger ones, but since there are only a relatively few, I can manage it.

I split six of the my locks around the time of my one year anniversary - three on each side of my head.

The hair at my temples is really fine and soft, so I had Phyllis make those locks the size I wanted them to stay - medium.

The locks behind my ear didn't swell. They are almost the same size they always were. The locks in front of my ears did.

They got much thicker than what I wanted. It was okay when I wore my hair down, but I didn't like the look when I wore it pulled back or up, which I do a lot! Daily.

So I took them down. It wasn't that much of an ordeal, a little time-consuming, but not a terrible experience over all.

I had my consultant make each lock into two and they are micro-mini now, but I know they will be just right a year from now.

I don't foresee that I will need to split any more, but it was nice to know that it wasn't a negative experience or a grueling process.

There are probably another 6 or 8 that I COULD split, but they're such happy healthy locks and they're in the middle where no one sees, I only feel that they are larger when I retighten, so I'll probably leave them alone.

On Perfection

2008-06-29T23:02:00.000-03:00

You know how you feel in those first weeks and months after you've just met someone new and you feel like they're perfect?

With your rational mind, you know they aren't really perfect, but with your romantic heart, you want to believe that they are. Finally you settle on the thought that they really are perfect, if only perfect for you.

That's how I feel about my locks. If I study them up close in the mirror, I become aware of all sorts of imperfections - kinks, strays, misfits, escapees, odd sizes, uneven lengths, mini-frizzies, flyaways, a bunch here, a hole there.... on and on I could list myriad and various problems that other bloggers have complained and stressed about.

But you know what? It is okay!

I love my locks anyway and I feel like they are perfect. I really do.

I am not blind to their imperfections, but still I feel like they are perfect for me. So here I am. Still in love. At 15 months.

I Feel Like Such a Nerd

2008-06-22T14:51:00.005-03:00

As I sit here working simultaneously on three computers (two laptops and a desktop), I feel like such a nerd....three computers, really?

When I started the business I treated myself to a sexy new (RED) Dell XPS 1330.

Now, I love the color - it is fire-engine red.

I wear red almost every day anyway because I love the way it looks, but red is also a strong part of the Showhomes brand. So I thought it would be pretty cool to be color-coordinated.

But I was also concerned about my trusty old Inspiron 6000. It turned three in March and after reading what happened to so many others between 2.5 and three years, I was kind of afraid it would just die on me.

Plus, it had gotten mind-numbingly slow. My RSS feeds would no longer update. It took 5 minutes to open any program - Word, Excel, you name it. Net-surfing was a joke. I really did need a new machine. So got myself the one I always wanted.

I liked the 6000 for the large screen, but that came with the trade-off of pretty hefty weight. It's a desktop replacement model and traveling with it is not fun!

So this time I went for smaller and lighter and I couldn't be happier.

I have yet to sync all my files and software, though. And I haven't networked everything. (That's part of the reason I feel like a nerd and not a geek. If I were more technically proficient, I would have set everything up - like - instantly.)

So, when I need to print I have to use my desktop. When I want to do anything that requires speed and mobility I use the XPS. And the 6000 is now the workhorse. I use it to listen to music, upload or download files, etc...Tasks where I can set it and forget it.

But back to my XPS. I love it for the color, but it is also a tie in to (Product)RED - the charity co-created by Bono to help combat AIDS in Africa. Find out more about it here.

Leatherheads Bonus!

2008-04-05T14:29:00.005-03:00

Okay, so it was cooler than I thought it would be to go to the movies and see places I know from main street and the football field from a school where I used to teach. I got an unexpected rush of excitement and spontaneously grabbed the arm of my date saying, "Look! Look! That's here - in Greenville!"

Duh...it was totally obvious.

I lived in D.C. and I've been to major cities like NY, Chicago, LA, and Miami numerous times. Those cities are always in the movies and on tv, so when I see actors on location at a place where I've also stood and it's the Rockefeller Plaza or Grand Central, it ain't no thang..., but when I saw the hotel that was across the street from where I used to work in downtown (small town) Greenville - it was pretty awesome!

But that wasn't the bonus!

Whodathunk there would be a locked sister in the movie???

Not me.

There's a scene in a speakeasy with a soulful blues singer crooning, 'The Man I Love.' And who was it but Ledisi! If you don't know who she is, follow the link and check out her myspace page.

*Lest you be disappointed when and if you see the movie, she was wearing a wig in keeping with the period. And I ain't mad at her either. Because I don't believe she was hiding her heritage. She was playing a character and wearing a costume.

Her locks would have been as anachronistic as an afro and bellbottoms. Do we think Renee Zellweger wore those pincurls off the set? Probably not.

Although... I loved her costumes too. She was almost always in red/orange/rust colors - which I have more than my faair share of hanging in my closet. And the hats from that age are my favorite. If I could find them, I would wear them now - on occasion, of course, not the kind of look I would rock every day.

Anyway...that's today's $0.02.

I Love My Sisterlocks!

2008-04-04T03:24:00.004-03:00

Have I said that lately?

Not in print. But I do! There's that one picture on the official website where the caption says: "Just when you think your Sisterlocks can't get any more fabulous, they do..."

That's how I feel about mine every day! I should post a few pictures, but you know...first I have to take them, then I have to edit them, then I have to upload them, and it's all too much....

Did I tell y'all I'se gon' be own tv??? (I love the way some southerners pronounce on, which I say 'awn', as 'own' - but anyway, I digress...)

While at the trade show a month ago - yes, that was already a month ago! - I made a contact with one of the local news stations. A representative was intrigued by the Showhomes concept and she passed my story along to one of the reporters. She was equally excited and wants to shoot a story that will air during May sweeps. That's publicity that I couldn't buy.

However, preparations for it are really making me hustle. Plus, I was still working my other job part-time for the regular paycheck. (Showhomes offers homeowners the option to pay for our services at closing, and, yeah, most people take the option to defer payment given the chance...so I'm very busy working, but I have yet to actually get paid....)

But I just got to the point where the part-time job was hindering the growth of my business. It was really not worth it. The money I was earning working the job was actually costing me due to lost opportunities to close deals and meet with potential clients and partners.

Just from the stand point of scheduling, it was getting to be not just inconvenient, but actually detrimental. I have to schedule sales meetings and conference calls and the like to be effective at what I do and having to work around the times my employer needed me to be there was just not working - so I put in my notice a few weeks ago.

I wasn't making that much money because my hours were really low, but it was still money I could count on. It paid a few of the bills.

Now the cash flow situation in extremely critical. It is all outgoing and no incoming - Aaagh! Scary!

So, yeah, I said all that to say that I'm really trying to rustle up some business that will be good for the news piece and I'm planning to be out of town next week for a trade show. Therefore taking puctures of my hair is not really high on my list of priorities...but...every time I look in the mirror I think: Wow! They are looking lovely.

I adore this stage and this length. Of course I want them to continue growing, but I can tell this is a length I will miss.

It's a fun, flirty, flippy stage - great for the coming of spring. They are just sassy and full of life and body and swing. I get compliments on them daily and regularly from the same people who have been watching the process from the beginning and from total strangers on the street.

I still love them, but it is always interesting to have people comment on them over and over - how beautiful they are..

I'm sorry. I feel like this post is like: look at me I'm so wonderful. That's not how I mean it. At all. I just know that a lot of people who decide that they want locks hesitate because they wonder what other people will think and they fear a negative reception. There are also blogs I've read and people I've spoken with who have gotten nothing but negative comments from their friends, family and co-workers.

I do get the occasional ignorant statement or question, but, by and large my entire locking experience has been and continues to be very positive, and that's why I wanted to write about it.

This post is not to say: look at me! I'm so beautiful and special and talented....Don't you wish you had it going on like I do?

It's to let others know that positive feedback is out there. A completely positive experience is possible.

I feel like this: You know how some of your friends (or some of you) had difficult pregnancies, but then some women have trouble-free preganancies and quick and easy deliveries? And the same thing happens with relationships. Some of us have all sorts of drama over and over - and not necessarily as the direct result of our own neuroses, either. And then some of us have the easiest courtships after which marriage immediately follows....And we're happy!

I've never been the type to be jealous of other people's successes. I take this view: If she can do it or it worked out well for her, then that means there's hope for me. Or alternatively, in situations where my personal struggles were unavoidable, I have thought: At least someone is having an easy time of it - good for them!

And that's how I feel about my Sisterlocks.

I've read other people's blogs where they had drama from the start - problems necessitating takedowns and issues with bunching or dandruff or tenderheadedness and consultant woes and family opposition, a constant stream of rude comments and questions and all manner of other troubles - none of which were ever in my personal experience.

I just want people to know that it is an easy and painless transition for some of us. I don't think it's due to anything special about me. I am not highlighting myself in any way. I just want other women to know that sometimes it is all good - through and through.

I started my locks a year ago and I have never had any major problems (quite a few minor ones, but none my consultant and I couldn't handle). I have no regrets. I love my Sisterlocks and I know they do look good because I get so much positive feedback from others.

'Cause, you know, sometimes we make a choice and we're just like: this is what I have decided to do and I don't care what others think!

And that's the mindset I had when I started my Sisterlocks - which is all the more reason I really appreciate the positive feeback that I get and that it comes to me on such a regular basis. After all, I expected to love them, but I was mentally and emotionally prepared for the people around me not to.

I had beautiful straight hair and beautiful curly hair - good hair (if I do say so myself! ;-) so I was fully prepared for all of the 'why did you do that to your pretty hair?'-type comments. And other random ignorance. But it didn't happen - not that it never happened, but not nearly as
much as I anticipated it might and prepared myself for.

I wondered about my job interviews and my business introductions, etc. No negative experiences so far, and only people who have commented on how much they like my look.

So, I'm sharing my good news and my good experiences and passing along news of the compliments so that others know that it is good and pleasant for some of us.

I have been happy with my Sisterlocks every day since I got them.

Leatherheads (0% about my hair)

2008-03-28T22:38:00.009-03:00

Now... much as I love movies, I'm not normally one to be star struck. I've seen several fairly famous celebrities (actors, musicians, dancers) up close and personal (read: steps away at restaurants, hotels, and on the street).

I'm not really one to name drop (LL Cool J, John Legend, Morris Chestnut, Savion Glover....the list goes on). But I think it's pretty cool that the movie, Leatherheads, starring George Clooney and Renee Zellweger was shot extensively in and around Greenville, SC - my current (adopted) hometown.

Filming began in February 2007 and there were daily reports in the newspaper and on television about sightings of the very famous, award-winning Clooney and Zellweger, as well as the less famous but very recognizable John Krasinki (Jim Halpert on 'The Office'). Many Greenville natives had the chance to be extras and the buzz went on for weeks.

I adore the classic pairings from movies of bygone eras: Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell, Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, Rock Hudson and Doris Day - to name a few. Not only was their chemistry great, but the dialogue was crisp, fast-paced, and witty. (His Girl Friday is one of my all-time favorites!)

Leatherheads is set in 1925 and early reviews say it is reminiscent of screwball comedies from the 30's. That description is more of a reason for me to look forward to its release with keen anticipation than the star power or the chance to see local landmarks featured on the big screen.

George and Renee were back in town for a few days this week visiting fans and extras and promoting the film which opens nationwide next Friday, April 4th. Many special events are planned around town for the premiere.

My New Blog!

2008-03-19T21:52:00.002-03:00

As if I need another one, right?

But this one is actually job-related. So, I kind of have to maintain it on a regular basis (unlike the weight loss and travel blogs.)

Blogging us huge in real estate and home staging, so earlier today I created a profile on Active Rain Real Estate Network. You will find a link to my Active Rain profile to the right, just below my picture.

For those of you who are interested in following my business news and success stories, please be advised that they will be posted on that blog.

Sisterlocks Photo Shoot!

2008-03-11T17:04:00.002-03:00

I am simultaneously excited and disappointed!

What better way to celebrate my first anniversary than to have a professional photo shoot, right?

I was just visiting the Official Sisterlocks Homepage to see what was new when I saw that there are going to be professional photo shoots around the country and one is this weekend in Atlanta!

I tried and tried to figure out how I could make it, but I have previous commitments that will not allow me to attend....Darn!

There's another one scheduled in Baltimore in June, so perhaps I can make that one. My brother lives in Maryland and I've been needing a reason to visit him and the rest of the family up north. I'm going to see if they would come to Charlotte as well. That would be awesome!

Imagine: we could each have photo shoots and then gather for dinner afterwards. It would be a great thing to plan our next gathering around.

Speaking of which...I know, I know...I have to post pics of the last Sisterlocks Gathering.

I was running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to coordinate my trade show. I am happy to report that it went off without a hitch (that anyone else was aware of) and I will be posting about that as well.

I don't have lock envy too often because I love my own locks so well, but I must admit that I am a little jealous of the bloggers who have family members available to take pictures of them and their locks.

I do get tired of taking my own (holding my arm out, propping the camera on boxes, setting the timer - it gets old and there's only so creative I can get). I'm sure I'm not the only one! And y'all know I always try to pass info on, so for anyone who is interested in having a professional photo shoot done, check out this link: Sisterlocks Photo Shoot.

To Lock or Not....

2008-03-02T21:14:00.006-04:00

A reader sent me this inquiry by e-mail: "I am entering the the corporate culture as an accountant and I have biased thoughts as to if I should lock my hair or not....."

Yep...I remember this one. As I stated in my previous post, one year ago when I was contemplating locks myself, I was also unemployed. So, not only was I concerned about how I would pay for my locks' installation and maintenance, I was concerned about how it would affect my job search and interview process.

I had made the decision to lock and I was certain that it would not be an issue with my current employer. Our dress code was business casual every day and jeans on Friday and a lot of the employees were African-American. However, when I knew I would have to start looking for a new job, I began to worry about my hair being yet another variable to perhaps tip the scales - and not in my favor.

What to do?

It weighed very heavily on my mind! But I decided to do it anyway. I decided - in my heart - that I did not want to work for any company or corporation that would not be accepting of my natural hair and that was that.

I would not begin to say that every work environment is lock-friendly, but I can definitely say that in my personal experience, they never seemed to have any impact on how I was perceived. I don't feel like I ever lost out on any opportunities on account of my natural hairstyle.

I do think lock acceptance depends on several factors, like the region of the country one inhabits and how many black people there are in the area. I think an even bigger factor is how the locked individual carries him or herself.

Are you otherwise well-dressed and well-groomed? Do you speak intelligently and with confidence? Do you have a stable work history, solid resume and relevant work experience? I think employers today are much more concerned about those factors.

That having been said, corporate culture varies widely from company to company. There are still accounting firms, law firms, and other organizations that have extremely conservative views on many things.

My opinion is this: if you present yourself professionally, your locks should not hinder your job search in any field. If you want to be a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant, or banker - in general - your well-maintained and tastefully styled locks should not be a problem.

However, I do add this caveat: Anyone seeking a job with a specific company (if you are set on working there) should try to do some research on their individual culture and whether natural styles are welcome. Sometimes even within a generally open company there is an individual department head who is known for holding certain prejudices. At that point it is up to you to decide how badly you want that particular job with that particular company.

My locks do still look a little bohemian sometimes when I wear them loose. (I have a fine, curly textured hair and all it takes is for a little wind to blow through and it's all over my head! And I'm in the habit of tousling them a lot and playing with them when I haven't put them up.)

So whenever I have a business meeting or event where I think my contacts or audience might be especially conservative, I do put my hair up. I wear it in a bun or french roll. Even with straight hair, I tend to think that these types of styles present a more business-like image.

I have not had one single minute of regret about having started my locks. I cannot say that they have had any negative impact on any area of my life, least of all my employment opportunities. I have found them to be a total non-issue, even though I am often the only person of color in a room. I get compliments on them all the time - from all sorts of people.

So, dear reader, I say: Go for it!

'Leven Months an' Lovin' It!

2008-02-29T19:30:00.008-04:00

I just celebrated my 11 month lock-a-versary today!

I have to say so myself...aren't they lovely?

Still in love and so happy with my decision to lock.

And WoW! What a difference a year makes!

Twelve months ago I was a week away from losing my job. I wasn't sure it was going to happen, but the handwriting was definitely on the wall...and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop! Now, I'm a bona fide business owner.

Who knew?

Don't we all love the comparison shots?

Couldn't wait for my one year anniversary to do my retrospective...who knows if I will have the time? Check out these pics from Day 1, Month 1, and Now.

Upcoming Sisterlocks Gathering (Charlotte)

2008-02-16T22:11:00.006-04:00

Since we had such a marvelous time at the last Sisterlocks Gathering in December we said we were going to try to make it a quarterly event - and believe it or not it's that time again! Three months have gone by just like that!

You all know that I have been totally immersed in my business start-up, but everyone else seems to have been buried in various projects as well...such is life these days, right?

Anyhow, this time we are meeting at O'Charley's: 6 p.m., Saturday March 1, 2008. That's exactly two weeks from tonight. The address is 1920 Sardis Road North. Follow the hyperlink to a page that provides a map and directions.

This event is open: anyone in the area is welcome to attend. Feel free to pass it on by word of mouth or links to my blog, but please RSVP to me or the Blessed Gem Lady, so that we can have an accurate count for reservations.

I hope to see all of the beautiful ladies from last time, plus a few new friends.

On Turning Thirty

2008-02-15T12:11:00.001-04:00

The LWC strikes again....

I was reading MeikMeika's post about turning 29 (And 30) and decided to bring my long-winded comment over to my own blog. She asked for comments on how those of us who are thirty-plus felt about it.

I turned 30 six months ago, and it was okay. I wasn't sure how I would feel about leaving my 20s. I actually started saying I was 30 LAST February even though my birthday isn't til August just so I could get used to the sound of it.

The hardest thing for me was realizing how quickly time passes. I mean, I remember being 21 and 22 and feeling like my WHOLE life was out there.

You do become so aware of goals you haven't accomplished yet, and you realize that you just might not accomplish everything you thought you would when you were eighteen and just out of high school - for all your well-meaning determination.

I had such certainty that everything would go exactly as I wanted it to. I had a plan and a timeline for all the things I would DO and all the places I would GO!

And the older you get, I think the more you come to terms with how much is really out of your hands.

I think time becomes more valuable and therefore time management becomes more important. As do relationships.

I found I had a greater desire to reach out to my friends from the past, many of whom I had grown apart from. We had not fallen out, just gotten busy.

So now I call and text and e-mail women I was close to in my earlier 20s.

I have never dreaded the coming of my 30s. I do not subscribe to the notion that my best years are behind me, but rather I believe that they are ahead of me. I believe I will continue to learn new things and gain greater experience in life and dealing with others.

I have good genes on both sides of my family, so I don't worry about looking older. (I HAVE noticed that I don't quite bounce back from injuries as quickly as I used to, so I DO need to take care of myself - but that's the case with everyone.)

I could tell y'all a sad, sad story of loss and woe, stretching back about three and a half years to Nov 2004, but I won't because that's not my style, but I said all that to say that I looked at 30 as a new beginning.

I said: this is going to be the year I turn things around. THIS is going to be a major milestone in my life!

And so far, it has been!

I started my Sisterlocks about 6 months before my birthday and I have to say it was by far one the most positive choices of My LIFE!

Not so much the Sisterlocks in and of themselves, more the discovery of the online Sisterlocks community. I know I have said this before, but it is just SO TRUE!

I had just ended a very long-term relationship and suddenly had LOADS of free time on my hands - which was just unknown to me because I have always kept myself VERY busy.

I was really angry and resentful in general because I was always SO independent and self-sufficient that I had to work HARD - REALLY hard at carving out time to be with my boyfriend turned fiance. Being attentive and there-for-him was not easy for me and took a lot of time and practice.

And when I finally felt like I'd gotten the hang of it and it was beginning to feel comfortable and natural he suddenly went AWOL and stopped participating in the relationship!

You know how you feel when you clear your schedule to have lunch with a friend - like drastically alter your day and inconveniently rearrange things to sqeeze out 2 hours to be with them - and then they cancel on you at the last minute and don't even have the decency to call you - they do it by text messsage?

It was kinda like that.

Times one hundred.

You're like: okay. I have this SPACE in my day that used to be FULL, what do I do with it NOW?

It was precisely at that time in my life that I discovered Sisterlocks and Blogging simultaneously! Blogging became my therapy and my lifeline and my support system.

I had always journaled and that is very therapeutic as well, but the feedback and comraderie there is with blogging added another dimension of healing.

One year ago when I was APPROACHING my 30th, I've got to say, I was feeling a little lost, but now that I'm 6 months IN, I've got to say that things are really looking up for me.

I'm feeling good about not only what I hope the rest of the year will bring, but also the rest of the decade!

Another First

2008-02-10T18:58:00.000-04:00

I started my locks at the beginning of spring and then I went on a tropical cruise and then it was summer, so for the first 6 months there was warm weather all the time. What did this mean?

My locks love water. Even though I didn't wash my hair every week, it was frequently wet. I would wet it down in the shower before I went out in the morning, or I would spritz it any time of day to tame the frizzies or keep it from sticking up. When it's wet it hangs just right and the ends dry to perfect spirals - I love it!

Well...when the cold weather settled in, walking out with wet hair was no longer an option. It doesn't even get that cold here compared to a lot of places, but the mornings are chilly enough that it just isn't smart to walk out with my hair dripping.

I've always washed my hair about once every two or three weeks, even before I had locks - just because straightening or twisting it was such a project that I tried to make whatever style I'd done last. Of course, when my hair was loose, even though I was using more product, I was also combing and brushing daily, so buildup was never a problem.

Before I started my locks I worried about keeping them clean because we all know about the gunk that builds at the base of braids and weaves and other extensions. I was pleasantly surprised when this was not a problem.

Well...lately my locks have been feeling and smelling not so fresh...only in the last 7 - 10 days. I attribute this to two factors. One...I've been so busy I neglected to wash it. And two...no spritzing, either.

My favorite thing is to wash my hair in the morning and let it air dry - hate sitting under a dryer - but as has been discussed, this is not an option in winter. Couldn't wash it at night because I didn't want to sleep on it wet and it takes about 3 - 4 hours to dry. Could have washed it in mid-afternoon, but kept forgetting or had somewhere to go.

So...I went about a month without washing it. About three days ago I noticed buildup near the base of some of the locks I had just retightened and I could smell my hair and it smelled like dirty scalp - ew! I was mortified!

It's like smelling your own bad breath or underarms. Suddenly you think: okay...I noticed it, so did other people notice it first? What must they have thought? Thankfully, I'd been mostly at home. I'd run errands to the grocery store and to get gas and things like that. No one had been in close proximity to my hair, so I think my good hygiene reputation is safe.

Even though I've been in the habit of washing my hair infrequently, I think all the spritzing and shower-wetting I did when it was warm kept my locks fairly clean. There was never any buildup because I was always running fresh water through it. I think three months of not doing that and this last month without a wash just put me over the edge.

I felt like I needed to do something above and beyond my normal wash, so I did an apple cider vinegar rinse - my very first. They get such mixed reviews and my locks never seemed dirty enough to try something 'drastic' that I might not like, so I didn't bother.

I poured some in a spray bottle, diluted it with water and spritzed liberally. All over. I saturated my scalp and I concentrated on the base of my locks where I'd noticed the buildup (about the last half inch or so) and then I moved out to the rest of my hair for good measure.

I left it on for about 20 minutes and then I rinsed it out. I just stuck my head in the kitchen sink and ran water through my locks for about 5 minutes straight. I massaged my scalp and squeezed my locks and then I was done.

It was nice! I liked it. They smelled really fresh and clean. Not like scented shampoo and not like vinegar either. It was an almost anti-scent, like water. And the other thing I liked is that they dried really soft, like I used a great conditioner. I kept touching them all day and marveling at the silkiness.

ACV rinse - definitely a new part of my beauty regime. I will probably do them monthly.

A Totally Frivolous Post...

2008-02-07T23:19:00.000-04:00

...that is 0% about my hair and my business, but it just happened and I need to rant. What's a blog good for if you can't vent about trivial grievances from time to time?

One of my all-time peeves is useless advice. You know how sometimes, you're just a little frustrated and you need to complain or be petty and sweat the small stuff?

So...I'm working all hours still because I am phasing out the two part-time jobs while my new business is getting off the ground (so maybe this entry is 2% about my business....) and I'm not broke broke, but my cash flow situation has definitely been better...I'm having to pay bills and living expenses out of my savings because my paychecks are definitely not covering everything! And I gotta say, I'm a little stressed...

So I went to the store with a coupon.

I don't clip coupons.

I'm not against them, not too good for them...just way too ADD to keep up with them. And I'm not particularly brand loyal; I buy lots of generic items and/or whatever is on sale that week, so the purchases I make are usually cheaper than the name brands are even after the coupons. Or for quantities that are not practical for little ole me, so, it's generally just not worth it - but...the occasional coupon does come into my life. Usually, they are packaged with or stuck to a current purchase.

For them to be worth me hanging on to - they have to meet two requirements. 1) They have to be for a product and brand I use regularly and 2) the expiration date has to be way in the future, like 6 to 12 months...the 6 to 12 week coupons are no good to me.

So, at any given time I have, like, 4 coupons in my possession.

One of them happened to be for toilet paper. I probably buy toilet paper 4 times a year, maybe 5, but I had this coupon that I forgot to use the last two times I bought some. It was one of those rare 18 month coupons. It was set to expire in September of this year. It's been hanging on my fridge for 6 months.

It was only for 75 cents, but I was excited because I remembered to use it well before the expiration! So I went happily off to the store. Lost it to the bottom of my purse en route; searched for it diligently before entering the store. (Didn't want to be that lady digging in her purse at the checkout.)

It was one of those coupons with options. You know, so much off (1) 12 roll; (2) 6 rolls; or (3) 4 rolls. I stood there and calculated which was the best deal, and marched up to the front of the store. Oops! Know what else I need for my office? A grounded adapter for my outlet. That's on the next aisle. Think I'll buy two. Oh, and paper towels.

Like I said, I'm kinda ADD. I didn't have a cart and I was carrying everything in my arms and hands...

You see where this is going dontcha?

Well, when I got to the counter I realized I was no longer holding the coupon that I had 3 minutes ago. No, idea what I did with it! Must have dropped it. I had no recollection of putting it in my purse. I was wearing a skirt with no pockets. I put my things down and retraced my steps.

I was only on two aisles! It had to be on one or the other, right?

I looked twice. Not because it was so important. Not because 75 cents will make me or break me.

Just because...

I took the effort to keep up with it and I took the time to take it with me and decide which product to buy and I rarely use coupons...AND I just had it!!!

So I went back to the checkout and the cashier said: You should buy a coupon wallet.

"No, I really don't need one."

"If you had one, you wouldn't have lost it."

"I probably would have. I was carrying it in my hand and I just didn't pay attention."

"You wouldn't have lost it it you had a coupon case."

"Yep, I probably would have. If I was going to put it away in a coupon holder, I would have put it in my purse, I was holding it because I was getting ready to use it."

"I'm telling you. You'd still have it if you owned a coupon holder."

I'm thinking: You know what lady? Not helping! (She was annoyingly persistent and not very friendly about it either. Her tone was almost scolding. It wasn 't like she meant to be encouraging. It was just like a lecture.)

At this point I'm also thinking: Are you selling them? Yeah, I'm gonna buy a holder to keep up with the 7 coupons I use in a year. But I smiled and said, "Yeah...maybe."

I know full well that no filing system or container of any sort would have made any difference. I was just careless and tired. It was 10 pm and I worked all day. Started at 7:30 am.

Sigh...Not a big deal, I know, but it just left me a little ticked.

I'm better now that I talked about it.

How's It Going?

2008-02-01T19:47:00.002-04:00

People keep asking me this about my business.

I know everyone means well, so I can't resent the question, but on the other hand, I feel like people don't understand, either. I'm selling a service, not a product, and a rather uniquely intangible one at that.

It's a lot like selling real estate as an agent. You put in hours and weeks of work and then you get a fat commission, maybe weeks or months after you started the process. You don't go out, make a sale, and see the money 3 - 7 days later.

I'll work my butt off marketing in the next 4 weeks, but I may not see any money until March or April.

Also, I didn't strike out on my own - I bought into a franchise, which meant that I had to spend loads of time learning how to do things their way. I'm still learning.

In January alone I spent a full week in training at corporate headquarters and another 4 days at conference. All time that I was not even trying to get clients...so January was pretty much a wash.

Lots of money out the door for travel and supplies, and absloutely NOTHING coming in, but...such is the nature of start-ups. After conference (last week) I am really excited about the company and where it's headed. We talked about goals for the next year, initiatives and our 5 year plan for growth. I really feel like I got in on a good thing at a great time!

I am very excited and happy.

A surprising thing for me is how many people close to me that I thought would be happy for me and supportive are not. I was unprepared for the negativity and naysaying of people I consider friends and acquaintances I admire and respect. I have gotten more support and well-wishes from strangers and online friends than from people I see every day.

Perhaps it was naive to expect that everyone would cheer me on.

Neutrality doesn't bother me so much, but a lot of people seem to think I have taken a foolish risk and I have thrown my money away. They have all but told me that I will fail. That has been disheartening, but not discouraging. All the more reason for me to succeed and prove them wrong!

So...that's how it's going.

Thanks for asking, I know it's because you care, but I haven't much to report right now. Believe me! I will post enthusuastically when I get my first clients and make my first commission. And to all of my friends in the blogosphere - thank you so much for your support! I have needed it to counteract the negativity I continue to encounter in the real world!

I have been terrible about not returning e-mails, but I have read every one and I than you all for keeping in touch with me while I was away.

Still in love...10 months

2008-02-01T19:45:00.001-04:00

Can you believe it?

10 months locked, and I am just as pleased with my Sisterlocks as ever. Especially with my new business and all the activity. It has been wonderful to never have to think about my hair. The only decisions I have to make each day are whether I will wear it up or down, plain or with accessories.

It has been a year since I first saw the sister who inspired me to start my own Sisterlocks. We were at a conference this very weekend when I fell in love with her baby SLs. I remember how I buried myself in research trying to decide what size, trying to imagine what pattern, trying to imagine how mine would look, and trying to fugure how much it would cost with my length and thickness of hair.

Those of you who read my blog at the beginning will remember that I made up my mind to get them rather quickly - within 2 or 3 weeks, but then I had to wait another month on account of losing my job.

I can hardly believe it has been a year since I made the decision!

I am so immersed in my start-up, I know my 1 year lock-a-versary will be here before I know it! Two months is nothing!

When I was a child I used to stare at myself in the mirror and try to imagine what I would look like when I was a teenager and what I would look like when I was a 'grown-up'. I have done the same thing with my sisterlocks. I imagined what I thought they would look like at 6 months and one year. I wondered how long they would be and how thick they would be. I thought about how the ends would finish off. Would they still be curly? Would they be blunt? Would they be fuzzy? Would they be silky?

I am happy that they are still soft and silky. That was one of my biggest apprehensions about locking. My hair has always been soft and smooth and the thought of it becoming rough and hard was unappealing. I'm sure they are somewhat thicker in diameter, but they don't really look that much thicker. I haven't experienced much swelling. I've avoided a lot of the problems that others have had like bunching and unraveling - despite the fact that I didn't ever braid and band.

Finally my locks are less fluffy and fly-away. Finally getting away from the afro-mullet, and I am happy about that, too. It is long enough that I can do interesting up-dos. I keep saying I will take pictures, but have yet to get around to that. It will not be as long as I had hoped at my one year anniversary. I'm not disappointed about that; it's just not what I was expecting. Not what I had imagined.

The length I had imagined I would have at 12 months will probably not be realized before 18 months, but that's okay, because that wasn't my main reason for locking. I am so happy with my decision. It has been much better for me than I ever imagined. All the way around.

I thought about the title of my blog: Sl'd in SC - Another Sisterlocks Success Story. My regular readers know I love alliteration and that's part of how I came up with that title. In addition it is like the Secret and laws of attraction. I do wholeheartedly believe that if you expect success you will attract success. (Not ALWAYS, of course, but a lot of the time!)

I did not believe that I would have issues and challenges with my locks. I believed that all would be as I wanted it to be. They would be a success and I would be satisfied with them.

And so I have been.

But an interesting thing has been the affect getting locks and keeping this blog has had on my personal life. I also wholeheartedly believe that I would not have found my way into this new business and the success I expect that it will bring into my life without Sisterlocks...not to mention all of the wonderful women I have connected with all over the country.

I believe that success is not only - not mainly - about money, but about overall happiness and satisfaction with life. Your ability to connect with others and give back to your community - your personal sense of contenment and fulfillment. I feel like I am well on my way to being more successful than I have ever been before.

It isn't all because of the sisterlocks, of course, but I feel like where I was in my life when I decided to get them and the things I have learned and experienced since I have undertaken my journey have definitely been contributing factors to my success that is to come.

A Decent Proposal...

2008-01-31T11:42:00.000-04:00

So... I've decided to attend the Sisterlocks Homecoming in San Diego this July 18-20 and would love to have a roommate and travel companion. Anybody up for it?

There's No Business Like Show Business

2007-12-22T23:58:00.000-04:00

Check out these videos on YouTube. They do an excellent job of explaining the Showhomes concept. The third video hits a spot in the middle where it looks like it's just going to loop through the second video again, but it only has about thirty seconds of the same footage, so keep watching! As always...please leave comments! I want to know what you think!

How to Live Like a Millionnaire Part 1

How to Live Like a Millionnaire Part 2

How to Live Like a Millionnaire Part 3

Be the man....

2007-12-22T21:05:00.000-04:00

So...here's my brand new business!

I'm the newest Showhomes franchisee. Visit the website at http://www.showhomes.com/. They are a real estate staging and property management company. Or perhaps I should now say we.

I have mentioned before (but only briefly and in passing) that I love interior design and houses and architecture. Those of you who have read my blog from the beginning know that I lost my job in February of this year, but I saw it as a blessing. I hated that job. It was in no way helping me reach any of my personal goals.

It was boring and repetitive. All it did was pay the bills. It did not challenge me mentally. It did not teach me anything. It did not nourish my soul. However, I was living comfortably enough (financially speaking) that I was not motivated to change. Even though I wanted to work for myself and do something more creative, I kept thinking how irresponsible it would be to 'step out in faith' as some of you have said. I thought that I should have something lined up or at least a more concrete plan in mind before I left.

Yet, I was so caught up in the day to day of doing my job and living my life that I did not look for anything else with any diligence. I had only the foggiest of ideas about what I might like to do...

Write, perhaps, or maybe start my own web design and consulting business. I like that, but a lot of people are doing it and there's not a lot of money to be made on the small time gigs. I would most likely still have to work another part-time job or really hustle to get new clients all the time...or build a really, really strong portfolio and have a business plan and marketing strategy that was far superior to the competition....which I believe I could have done, if I had ever spent enough time on it, but I never did.

I did not have enough savings to live on (the suggested 6 months) if I left and didn't find something else. (Or make the business work immediately.) And in fact, like so many Americans, I had fallen into the routine of living paycheck to paycheck. I'm single and had more disposable income than a lot of my peers and was just in the habit of spending more of it than I should have on clothing and eating out...nonessentials.

Because I could pay my credit cards and other bills (pay on, mind you, not pay off) every month I didn't really pay attention to how much I was spending and the fact that I was indeed living beyond my means and not planning for a solid financial future. Because I have a house that I can afford and a car that's paid for, I just felt more comfortable than I should have.

Losing my job made me face the reality of where I was financially. It made me think seriously about how I was (not) handling my business. I had deceived myself into thinking that keeping that job was the responsible thing to do, when in fact, the stifling atmosphere and the need I felt to seek fulfillment in other ways was actually holding me back more than leaving ever would have. I had settled.

No, worse. I had painted myself into a corner.

I talked about starting a business or going back to school the whole time I was at that job. I kept saying it was temporary, but I look back now and I know I would still be there if I we hadn't lost that contract. If I hadn't been laid off, I would still be complaining about the tiny cubicles and the endless rules....still talking about how I was going to work for myself one day and feeling more and more like a liar/pretender/impostor with every week that passed with me having come no closer to my goal.

A friend of mine used to say all the time: A goal without a plan is just a dream.

And it is so true!

Working for myself was just a dream. Yes, it was something I really wanted to do. Yes, it was something I believed I could do, but I had absolutely no plan in place...just a vague sense of what I liked to do and that if I could just figure out how to get people to pay me real money to do certain things that I enjoy (that don't feel like work)...well then - then I would be on to something.

So: what do I like to do?

Talk (obviously). Write (also a no-brainer). Design things: print ads, layouts, websites, paintings, photo-collages, rooms....on and on that list goes....

I'm really good at sales, marketing, and advertising, as well as public speaking and copy-writing...but I don't actually have a degree in any of those things. Or enough documented experience to apply for anything but entry level jobs. I don't really want to do entry level anything at my age. And truthfully I knew I didn't really want a job at an ad agency or as a media planner or any such thing.

Okay, what else?

I like decorating, but I don't really want to be an interior designer.

Hmm...

I love real estate, but I knew I didn't want to be an agent (not as my chosen career).

So...those are some of my talents and interests. Put them in a bottle, shake them up and what do you get?

Yeah, I didn't know either....

One aimless wanderer?

I spent months feeling like my internal compass was totally broken. I didn't know what direction I should strike out in for the next part of my life, only that what I had been doing in the last 5 years or so was not working for me anymore. And that I was likely to become even more unhappy and discontented in the next five if things didn't change.

I was living reasonably well, but I knew I wasn't living my best life....and you just reach a point when you think to yourself: yeah, this lifestyle has been okay until now, but it's not what I want for myself in the next ten years. I gave myself a fair amount of room to experiment and make certain kinds of mistakes between 20 and 30, and to be irresponsible in small ways, but that is not what I want to keep happening between 30 and 40. There are certain things I have figured out and other things I feel like I should have figured out by now.

One thing I have figured out is that any job that I will deem worth doing has got to challenge me every day. It has to be a little bit demanding and difficult or it will not hold my interest, but I also must have a fair amount of freedom and flexibility. Another related thing I figured out is that I really don't like being told what to do. I like being in control and calling the shots. In the last year I have gotten lots of advice from well-meaning friends and family, even my friendly rep at the local unemployment office.

I was told I should look into property management or being an office manager. I would be good at that, so they said. I have the ideal personality. I'm friendly and outgoing, but also take-charge and get-things done. ..So I'm told.

And I believe it's true. And I gave it serious thought.

And I started thinking: why pay the man or work for the man, when you can be the man?

Not everyone can be the man...but I think I can....

I thought about how I could manage a community or real estate portfolio or run an office (like the one I currently work part-time in) and I could bust my hump working 40 and 50 hour weeks to manage, maintain, and grow someone else's business for a set salary...maybe comissions...or...I could expend the same amount of time and energy growing my own business and representing (and enriching) myself. Also a no-brainer.

So I've been researching careers and business opportunities and franchises, etc.... Studying the success of others...and then, one day I found Showhomes and it was love at first sight! The more I studied and the closer I looked, the more it seemed like a really perfect fit for me. The business model is really a unique idea. Lots of people do real estate staging, but the home manager program and marketing support really sets the company apart. I could have struck out on my own and not bought into the franchise (as some people encouraged me to do). But it was just like: why re-invent the wheel?

I don't mind giving them a percentage if it means I'm going to make more money faster and with less hassle, trial-and-error, and beating my head against brick walls, running down blind alleys...etc..... I believe working with a franchise really lessens the learning curve. As they say: You're in business for yourself, but not by yourself.

No one else in this area is doing anything quite like it, so I have a real opportunity to position myself for leadership in this market. I'm quite excited about it.

So...I know there will be moments of stress. I expect this year to be hectic and lean for sure, but I also expect the rewards and the payoff to be totally worth it. And I'm not just talking about the money...I'm more focused on the reality of having achieved a goal. I get to pursue a career that combines many of the things that I love and I'm good at. It's a true bonus that it has the potential to pay well!

Thank you so much to all of my dear friends who have shared with me great words of encouragement and advice here on my blog and by e-mail and phone calls.

My Big News!

2007-12-11T11:50:00.000-04:00

Okay...so...the thing about blogging is this...when you say you're gonna do something, you've put it out there for the world to see and then, of course, the world is expecting you to follow through...

That can be a good thing or a bad thing, right?

It can motivate you to be accountable, or it can be a source of embarrassment when the things you talked about don't come to fruition.

Let's see...what have I said I would do...hmmm...I said I was planning to 1) Lose 40 pounds 2) Participate in a marathon, 3) Visit London over the holidays 4) Organize a Sisterlocks gathering in the area and 5) Start a business/introduce a product for lock wearers.

I know some of you have got to be thinking: what about all of that? But you are too polite to ask, or have simply decided that I am one of those people who is a lot of talk and no action.

Well...here is the big news that I have been sitting on. It is the ongoing project that has affected (interfered with) everything else.

Drumroll please....

I just bought a franchise!

And I am scared witless!!!

Any of you who know somebody who has purchased a franchise or ever looked into starting one yourself knows that it is quite a process. In some ways scarier and more involved than starting a business from scratch. There are pros and cons to everything. You strike out on your own and you are accountable only to yourself. You own your brand and your ideas. Typically less capital is required, but building a brand and identity is often harder and takes longer.

I started the process back in September and it has been all-consuming. Of course I had to do market research and due diligence. I had to research the company and its principles (and it's principals) and all the while I was auditioning for them. I had to prove to their people that I was worthy of representing their brand in my territory. It's a dance, I tell you...and nobody taught me the music or the steps.

I spent every spare moment doing research of some type. On applicable laws, financing, do's and don'ts, what questions to ask... And then there was the question of financing. Franchises are never cheap. And you know what? No one, I mean NO ONE wants to give you money for a start-up.

Franchises are no man's land for banks and investors alike. Every where I went I got the same answer: You've got to put up your own money. Cash out your retirement or other savings or get a home equity line of credit. Take out a second mortgage. If you're still open in a year, come back to us with your financial statements and we'll see.

What? You've got to be kidding me? I called everybody! All of the local banks, national banks, SBA. I looked up programs online.

Many websites say on the home page: this program is not for franchises, start-ups, or businesses open less than two years old.

What to do? Look for private investors? Venture capitalists and angel investors are interested in original ideas and business with a different structure and growth model from what I am getting into.

Anyhow, I finally got the last of the start-up capital I needed yesterday so I signed the papers and sent off the big check! I am scared and will be scared until the money starts coming in. I go for a week of training in January. Even though I have purchased exclusive rights to my home territory, I cannot even begin to work it until the first of February. That's how long it will take me to get all of my training and licensing set-up.

When you crunch the numbers and see how much money you have to lay out month after month before you can expect to see a return on your efforts and investment, it is a really frightening thing!

Wish me luck ladies!!!

I am not intentionally being vague, I just wanted/needed to write about my news and subsequent excitement/anxiety in this post. There will be posts forthcoming on the actual business and what it entails.

Whew!

I'm scared! I'm scared and I'm happy, but for now, mostly scared.

This is scarier than buying my first house or first car. In one way, it's the same kind of commitment, but in another way, not. The contract I signed was for 10 years of exclusive rights. There are things that are standard in franchising, like your franchise fee that you pay up front for the right to use the name and marks. Because you pay that money up front, it's gone!. Whatever happens - pass or fail; sink or swim; win, lose, or draw - you do not get that money back. There are also minimum royalties. This is money (often a percentage and/or set flat fee - whichever is greater) that you must pay every month, regardless of profits (or lack thereof!) Yikes!

I keep telling myself - Hey! It's only 10 years! I have 27 years left on a 30 year mortgage and people routinely take out 5 and 6 year car notes. (Would you believe I've never had a car payment? No, not because I was rich like that. Just because I grew up in a family that was practical about not buying new cars and not spending loads of money on financing. I've always bought used cars for cash. I currently drive a '95 Honda that I bought for $5,500 in the year 2000.)

So this is scary because I have a mortgage, and now a second mortgage, and a prom note, and the royalty fees that I have to make every month. Regardless. So that can be a long ten years if I find myself struggling! Aaarghhhh!

If I had started my little business that I was thinking about, the worst that would have happened is I wouldn't have made money. I might have lost $1,000 on it tops! With this, I will not have made money and I will find myself tens of thousands of dollars in debt. If I don't make it, I will be bankrupt...I can't think about it.

Egads!

But it's a business model and opportunity that I really believe in. And something that is fun that I've always wanted to do...so...even though it is a huge, huge, HUGE gamble, I'm betting it will payoff. But right now there is no way to know how big, or how long it will take to see true profits.
More to come ladies...

...Pray for me!

My First Sisterlocks Gathering

2007-12-08T10:26:00.001-04:00

So today I attended my very first Sisterlocks gathering....

And guess who was there?...My friend Carmen. Even though we had never met, I've been reading her blog from the beginning, and we've e-mailed each other, so of course I feel like I know her. She is just as adorable and funny in person as I imagined she would be!

The gathering was organized by Blessed Gem Lady...Isn't she beautiful? She was celebrating her one year anniversary, which coincidentally was today. Also in attendance were several other locked ladies from the area. We had such a good time, comparing notes on products and hairstyles.

Meet Sandra, Lynette, and Lauren, Sl'd 8 months, 4 years, and 10 years, respectively.

Here are Delores and Lauren. Delores has also been Sl'd 4 years. You can't tell from any of the pictures, but Lauren has locks she can sit on. She is also a certified consultant. With all of her experience in wearing and maintaining Sisterlocks, she had lots of good advice for all of us!

In this picture, we have the lovely Andrea and Yolanda. Andrea has had Sl's for 3 years and Yolanda has had them for a year and a half.

Carmen showed up with what seemed like about a hundred Tomoka's Twists. We couldn't decide what we wanted to order for looking at the hair accessories...all of which had beautiful matching earrings. Some of us couldn't even wait until we left to wear them..ooh...ahhh...!

*ladies who were there...I'm going from memory, so if I spelled your name incorrectly or got your stats wrong, leave me a comment and I'll correct it*

Still in love...8 months

2007-11-29T10:11:00.000-04:00

Today I celebrate my 8 month anniversary.

Wow!...right? Time does fly. Still loving my locks and not a single regret.

I haven't noticed m(any) changes in the last month. Length, texture, density - all seem to be about the same, which is okay. I'm trying to develop the mindset where I don't really expect anything to be noticeably different between now and my one year anniversary.

What has changed noticeably is my attitude about my locks. They are less of a novelty to me. I do still play with them a lot, fingering them in idle moments, but I spend a lot less time in the mirror checking for changes. I also spend a lot less time thinking about my hair in general....how I will wear it, whether it looks good.

I still freestyle 98% of the time. I shake it out when I wake up in the morning. I put it up in a ponytail when I exercise, and I check to make sure no stray pieces are sticking up when I pass my reflection and that's about it. Otherwise I don't think about it unless someone asks me a question or gives me a compliment...which is happening more and more often.

In a little more than a week I will attend my very first Sisterlocks gathering hosted by Blessed Gem Lady in Charlotte. I am really looking forward to meeting with other sisters with locks.

An Interesting Opinion

2007-11-28T11:41:00.000-04:00

Check out this op-ed on Sean Taylor's death and tell me what y'all think.

On Sisterlocks Status

2007-11-18T17:14:00.000-04:00

Questions and debates about cost and brand-identity and the associated status continue to be a recurring theme with Sisterlocks. Before I got mine, I never knew this would be so. And if I were not such an avid reader of blogs, I would still be blissfully ignorant. Today I read this post and comments on Mel's blog.

I have recopied my own comments here:

Personally, I'm not overly concerned with the brand and status that is associated with Sisterlocks (as in: I want people to know that I cared enough to pay the big bucks for the installation) because the opinions go both ways on that. Some people applaud my choice and understand it. Others think it was a ridiculous waste when I could have used some other tool and done it myself or gone to the lady around the corner with a latch hook.

But I always tell people that I have SLs because I want to educate them about the method. I think they are unique and I am grateful to Dr. Cornwell for coming up with them and I think it is an amazing story!

I loved reading about her trial and error and how she developed the method. I mean, the whole 'backwards braid'/root-to-tip thing in and of itself is quite a concept! And so are the smaller more stylable locks. Whether they admit it or not, a lot of other methods out there HAVE borrowed from her genius. People can ACT like everyone was doing this all along and she didn't come up with anything new.

But she did. She really, really did! And she shared it with others. Ok, she did it for a price, but can we blame her for that? I don't think so. That's how we do things in America.

I get frequent compliments on my dreads or twists and twice as many questions about them, at which point I briefly explain the Sisterlocks difference. I ALWAYS encourage people to go online and do research. I direct people to the official site and my blog and the LHBE, so they can see how SLs are different from other types of locks and make an informed decision for themselves.

For a lot of people it does come down to cost and that is the reason they choose other methods. Others are die-hard DIYers and can't imagine paying someone else to do something they know they CAN do themselves. Some people decide that they want larger traditionals.

Even though I recently learned to retighten myself using the nappylocs tool, I will continue to go to my consultant (who uses nothing but the SL tool) for the foreseeable future. And if we should ever part ways, I intend to search out another consultant so that I will not be stuck with always having to do it myself.

So mine are still trademarked SLs, but yes, I agree that they still would be even if I never used the tool again or saw an approved consultant because that's what I got at installation. I paid for the parts and got the approved sizing and I have the pattern.

I got locked with about 10 inches of hair and have had exclusive SL maintenance done on at least another 4. There's no WAY anyone can tell me these aren't REAL SLs on my head.

Here's my question: why should it matter to anyone else how I maintain my locks?

If they look nice and neat it doesn't take anything away from the brand or the image. If I paid for an SL installation, it isn't a lie. It's not like passing off moissonite or CZ for diamonds.

I CAN understand the concerns about someone who wasn't officially trained and didn't pay for the class (or who never uses the tool and super-secret method and patterns) selling their services under the SL name like Muslimahlocs mentioned. That smacks of dishonesty and false advertising.

But on the self-maintenance front, I don't think it should matter at all!

I also visited Maryee's blog today and enjoyed her insightful post on the cost of Sisterlocks.

So What Do You Think?

2007-11-18T16:02:00.001-04:00

This post is 0% about my hair, but it is about locks.

You wouldn't know this about me because I've never posted this info, but I love movies! Good movies, bad movies....epic films and awful TV movies that show up on Sci-Fi...Classics with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford...quirky comedy/love story/fantasy movies like The Princess Bride....Cartoons, excuse me, animated features. My tastes are really all over the place!

Anyway, I am a regular visitor to IMDB. I love that site!

How many times do you find yourself looking at a movie and wondering what else you've seen a lesser known actor or actress in? You wrack your brain trying to recall, right?

Well, no more. Simply visit IMDB: type in the movie you've just seen them in, or their name if you know it, and you can get a list of every movie they've ever been credited in. It's awesome!

The site also has trailers of past and upcoming movies, reviews, gossip, message boards -everything movies!

So I was on the site just minutes ago and I saw a trailer for a movie called 10,000 B.C. that is scheduled to be released in March. If you watch the trailer, you'll see that quite a few of the characters seem to be dreadlocked. And they are the long, thick, I've-never-combed-my-hair-in-my-life dreadlocks.

Now, if you've followed my blog and read comments I've left on others, you'll know that I am the first to say I think there need to be more locks in the media....and I appreciate when directors and costume designers have a vision for a film that includes locks as a symbol of power or freedom or strength or individuality. Sometimes actors and actresses decide that locks will represent their character better than other hair styles. And that's all good.

However, sometimes (often) locks are used to represent people who are on the fringes of society - dirty or homeless or drug-addicted. Wayward or rebellious or some other bad influence. And this is not good.

I haven't seen the movie. My guess is that the trailer I saw is less than 60 seconds long, so, I can't pass final judgment on it, but, from what I've seen the locks seem to represent caveman grunge and savagery, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Opinions, please.

On Sisterlocks Affirmation

2007-11-16T17:55:00.000-04:00

Thanks to all for your lovely compliments on my retightening efforts.

I was pretty proud of myself, but I know the challenge spots I had and I couldn't really see the back that well to examine my work once I'd finished. I wasn't sure how well I had preserved my parts because I did it completely by feel and didn't use clips at all. But today I went to my consultant for her to check my work and for her to finish up the area where my hair grows thickest and my locks are smallest. I didn't want to ruin that area just in case I was going about it wrong because it would have been hell to fix!

She went through it all and told me I'd done an excellent job - as well as anyone who's taken the class! Yay!

That made me feel really good.

Funny, though, the novelty has already worn off and I am perfectly happy to continue visiting her for retites for the foreseeable future. Like I have said before: I like the pampering. I enjoy her company. She lives nearby and her prices are reasonable! Why ever wouldn't I?

I will self-tighten areas that need touch-ups between scheduled appointments and I expect that this will actually shave time off my visits, cutting them down to 45 minutes to an hour.

It's not about the money or the time spent, but it's kind of nice knowing I can cut both in half.

I always end up staying at her house for another hour or so after she finishes my hair anyway, so that won't be much different.

I also had my Sisterlocks identified earlier in the week. So many people still don't know what they are that it always excites me when someone does. I had just placed my order at Panera Bread when the locked sister behind the counter with beautiful shoulder-length traditionals said to me: "Your sisterlocks are gorgeous, who does them?"

We went on to talk for the next 20 minutes. (It's a good thing I'd ordered cold food and business was slow!) She said that she'd wanted SLs when she started hers 4 years ago, but couldn't find a consultant nearby. We even swapped info about my lock maintenance vs. hers. Her loctitian charged more than twice what my consultant charges once her locks got length!....At which time she went the DIY route.

She says she contemplates converting to SLs from time to time, but can't yet bring herself to part with her length and start over. In any case it was nice to meet someone who knew I had Sisterlocks!

On Wanting More Length

2007-11-14T22:17:00.000-04:00

Recently Helga wrote that she wanted more length, a common lament among those of us with locks, no matter what length we started with - from short to medium to shoulder length and beyond.

Helga mentioned an "overfocus on growing long hair that some Black women can be obsessed with," an indirect quote from one of her sisters. And I hear (and read) many comments to that effect from women with locks as well.

Many people say that when you decide to lock it should be for other reasons. Why? Who says? Isn't it an individual choice? Does it matter? I think we should show ourselves and others that black women can achieve great lengths with their natural hair. If that is someone's primary reason for locking, so be it. Is anything lost?

I want longer hair too! - YESTERDAY - And I am not ashamed to say so! And you know what else?

White girls and Latinas obsess about their hair length and thickness too. A lot of them wear extensions and hairpieces also. And they don't feel ashamed. A lot of them battle curls and frizz every day, so it isn't just us.

Do we have more of a struggle and more dissatisfaction and more outside influences that tell us our natural hair isn't good enough? I do believe so, but I also think the gulf is not as wide as some people imagine. (In terms of the numbers of individuals who do not like the hair they were born with. I mean, really, the entire beauty industry is built on making us - women of all races - dissatisfied with our natural selves - add to that cultural influences and stereotypes and community expectations, and well, you see where I'm going with this argument...)

Wanting longer hair isn't the only reason I decided to lock or the main reason. I wanted healthier hair and greater freedom and more options, and to that end I have been EXTREMELY satisfied with my locks from day one.

But wanting longer hair is one reason I decided to start locks. And I believe it is a valid reason and we should not feel bad about it. Why shouldn't AA women have hair down our backs that WE GREW if we want it?

P.S.: Helga, and whichever sister made the comment, please rest assured that I did not misunderstand your statements or take them out of context, it just gave me an opportunity to 'speak' on something that had been on my mind for months. I hope you don't mind....

On Doing it Myself - Part 2

2007-11-07T23:30:00.000-04:00

My nappylocs tools came on Friday and I started on Saturday. I ordered two in case I lost one, but it was a good idea because some of my locks are smaller than others, so I pinched one tool with pliers to work with the smaller locks and left the other one original size. It was not my initial intention to tighten my whole head, but once I started, it was kind of addictive. It almost couldn't be easier. I really do like the tool. It is a breeze to use.

I was able to tighten up all of my locks that were threatening to slip out and I even started two new ones! I have hair that crawls something awful, so at first it was quite a challenge not to marry locks, and I did form at least a dozen unholy unions, but with practice I began to get a feel for whether I had caught stray hairs from adjoining locks before I pulled the lock I was trying to tighten all the way through. When that was the case, I would simply pull the lock and snagged hairs back out and start over fresh.

There were several I didn't catch in time, but since I had snagged only a few hairs (it was never more than 10 strands), I kept a seam ripper (yes, for sewing) nearby. I'm not saying I recommend that anyone else do this, but I just cut the stray hairs. The seam ripper is smaller and more precise than scissors, and I found out by trial and error that there is no good way to untangle locks that you can't see. (I actually had a casualty...and that is a post unto itself.)

I have so much more respect for my consultant now. (Which is amazing because I already had a tremendous amount of respect for her skill and expertise.) My hair in the back is really hard to work with. I shouldn't say that. That's not what I mean. It's softer and finer than I realized and actually quite prone to slipping while the lock is being tightened. Once it's in, it's in, but you kind of have to wrestle it in, and you can't really strong arm it because it is fine and the locks are small, so you kind of have to finesse it.

And she's always made it seem so easy.

It was quite challenging. I started at the back too because for some reason I thought it would be simpler than the top. Now I don't even know why. I think I intended to do only the back because it grows faster and I did want to leave something for my consultant to do at my next appointment, but then once I started it was fun, so I kept going.

It was a very challenging project, but it was an intriguing challenge and I felt like I was learning and getting better at it as I went along.

It was a really interesting experience. Although I loved my loose natural hair, I've felt more in tune with it since I started locking. And I feel differently about it again now that I can and have tightened it myself. I feel even more in touch with my roots...literally, tangibly.

When I gave up the relaxer I learned new things about my hair texture. I gained new appreciation for it's softness and strength. And when I started locking, it was the same way. I discovered new characteristics. I thought that now I knew all there was to know about how it feels and behaves, but alas, no. As I retightened I discovered new things about it yet again.

I'm still going to my consultant in about a week so she can look over my work, and I have a few locks that need repair.

I didn't know what to expect of self-tightening. I still don't know what this will mean for me in the long-term. It is relatively easy, so I have no longer have any anxiety about what might happen if Phyllis moves away or there ever comes a time when retightenings become a luxury that I cannot afford. And that is priceless freedom.

I still like the idea of having someone else do it, but as I suspected I might, I really like doing it myself. I have my hands in my hair all the time anyway. I love the texture and I enjoy monitoring the growth and changes. Now that I can retighten, I get to have my hands in my hair for a purpose, and I like that. It isn't just idle fondling. Combine that with my love of handicrafts and my obsession for neatness (and the fact that I like the feel of freshly tightened hair) and I may be doing it myself from here on out.

It is so different from doing twists or braids or straightening myself because it doesn't have to be done all in one day. I worked on it a little every day until now, and truth be told, I am still not completely finished, but it doesn't matter. No one can tell but me. It isn't the same kind of chore as other types of self-maintenance because it can be done a little at a time. I can tighten 5 locks or 25 locks or 50 locks.

There were times when my arms got tired and my fingers cramped, and I simply stopped for the day. I stopped and didn't have to start again until I wanted. I like knowing that if one or two feels looser than I like, I can just reach right up and do something about it on the spot. I like not feeling like I should wait until my next appointment. Some of my hair grows really fast and can be tightened at three weeks, but some of it doesn't need it for 6, so I've been holding out for 5 weeks to make it worth our while. There's no sense making an appointment for her to tighten half my head, especially since it isn't just the back or the front. I have fast and slow growing patches all over.

Now I don't have to do that. I feel like I might just find myself settling into a pattern of tightening them up as needed and only going to my consultant once every three months or so to make sure I haven't totally obscured my parts and that my pattern isn't completely corrupted. (I suspect there are at least 5 locks I might have tightened backwards, although I'm not sure what I did differently, but somehow when I was done, they didn't feel like the others...hmmm.)

Still loving my Sisterlocks, and the $35 I spent on the nappylocs tools was one of the best investments I ever made.

Still in love...7 months

2007-11-07T14:32:00.001-04:00

Okay...so it's been forever and a day since I posted photos, and that's because it's been forever and a week since I took any.

But here they are....my pics from my 7 month anniversary and my first self-tightening.

My ends are still curly....

I think I'm at a stage where it's looking fuller instead of longer.

My first self-tightening. I think I did a pretty good job! Especially considering that I was self-taught. I just purchased a tool and read directions from the Internet. Then I simply went for it. I'm very pleased with the results!

On Doing it Myself

2007-10-25T18:28:00.000-03:00

True to my long-winded self, my comments kept coming, so I decided to create another post...

So, if you're just visiting, skip to my post, The Power of Peer Pressure, and read that post and comments first.

N: I always wanted to know HOW to maintain my own locks. I would never have gotten them if I thought I would forever be completely dependent on another person to do them for me. I just didn't have the strong feelings about it that some of the locked sisters had...meaning, I didn't chafe at the idea of having to pay another person to do my hair, indefinetely, even. It's what I've always chosen to do. Even though I could quite effectively style and maintain my hair both when it was relaxed and natural, I always went to a beautician, and never considered it a luxury or an obligation.

As for maintaining my sisterlocks, I never had any doubt that I could learn the method and be shown the pattern and be on my way. Whether or not I could maintain my SLs and the cost of having someone else do it never factored into my decision because my consultant quoted me such reasonable prices and she was not secretive about the pattern or how to do it.

This having been said, she did not teach me how to do my hair, but she let me watch her retighten someone else's...and I can honestly say that I still didn't know what she had done. She let me watch her work on a client's head, and she let me watch her retighten her own locks, and it still looked like some sort of magic to me...the way knitting does.

I have said before that Phyllis is super-fast, so it's just like she sticks the tool in the hair, flicks her wrist and is done. I remember saying to her the first time: but what did you do? She amazes me.

I knew from the official website and my initial consultation that there was a class and that when I was ready I could learn the art of self-maintenance, and that was the end of it. I had no anxiety about that aspect of getting Sisterlocks. I was more worried about size and texture, etc....

Perhaps I was a little naive, but I just figured I would take the class when I was ready. I would learn to do my own locks, and that would be all. I didn't worry about what-ifs at all in the beginning. (Not of that variety, anyhow.)I had never visited any of the discussion groups, I only knew about 4 or 5 bloggers, and none of the loctitians I knew used tools.

When I decided to get sisterlocks, I knew nothing about latching or nappylocs, so I never questioned what I would do. I didn't know I had options, so my choice was simple: I would take the class at my first opportunity. (When the desire and the money and my availability to go all came together at the same time.) I never even worried about necessity of circumstance.

Eventually, I thought about it: what happens if I move or she does? That was more because of the negative experiences of others, I think it would not have occurred to me to wonder so early on otherwise, but still it never worried me. It was just a thing at the back of my mind, a bridge to cross at some future date.

However, as I began to read more blogs I became aware of the whole Sisterlocks vs. Nappylocs issue. Hmmm...who knew?

I've read comments from people on both sides of the issue and I have my own opinions about it, which I have most often kept to myself. I've really adopted a 'to each her own' attitude about most things concerning locks. I know how I want to wear and maintain my own locks. I know what I want them to look like, and so on.

I am still infinitely happy that I chose Sisterlocks over other methods for starting locks, but locking is such an individual process, I don't really feel a need to weigh in heavily on what other people choose to do. I will share my experiences and offer my opinion when asked, but other than that I don't much feel the need to comment on what others should or shouldn't do concerning their locks. Or what methods, products, techniques are superior or inferior.

I will never feel like I overpaid, or that I was promised anything that wasn't delivered. My Sisterlocks experience continues to be so much better than I thought it would be and so much more than I expected. This is largely because of the friendship and support I have found online, but also because I feel like it was very much the right time in my life for me to undertake this journey.

While I have not ever complained about the cost of my Sisterlocks or spoken out about the cost of the consultant or retightening classes, my decision to order the nappylocs tool as opposed to taking the retightening class comes down to two factors and one of them is cost. And not so much cost as value. (The other one is ease of use, and they are really intertwined.)

By the numbers, of course, it's simple. $15? $250...hmmm...not really a tough choice, especially when I have read so many comments about people finding the Sisterlocks tools difficult to use and feeling like they weren't taught anything they couldn't have picked up on their own. I didn't want to spend money on the class only to come home frustrated because I didn't like using the tool and feeling like I didn't learn anything I couldn't have figured out on my own with practice and some friendly advice.

If the mood ever strikes me, I am much more likely to spring for the entire cost of a consultant's class. Even though it is much more money, it seems to me to be a better value overall. $250 just to have somebody show me something I can probably figure out myself with a little experimentation, just seems really steep...but I don't feel that way about the things that are taught in the consultant's class. Then there is the camraderie and the friends you make...so, that is still something I may undertake in a few years.

This may seem like a totally ignorant statement because I have never even tried to use either Sisterlocks tool on my head or anyone else's, but it just seems like it would be difficult to learn to use on my own head. It seems to me that if I learned in a class how to work on a mannequin and got the hang of the parting and the different patterns, then it would be easier to transfer that knowledge to working my own head.

I'm kind of a visual learner, so I feel like I could pick up the technique well by watching and then doing it on a head in front of me. Then I think I could do my own hair, but I think it would be harder for me to go to a class and learn how to do my own hair by feel. However, I freely admit that perhaps I don't understand how the class is taught. Maybe they let you watch someone else who has the same pattern. That would make sense....In any case, it simply seems like the best option for my current needs and circumstances for me to learn use the nappylocs tool.

I always understood the desire to know how to do one's own hair, it just wasn't a sticking point for me. I didn't feel like I wouldn't be happy until I learned. I know I won't have that feeling of freedom and relief that others describe at learning how to self-maintain, but I do believe that is because I have such a good relationship with my consultant, and everything about my retightenings is positve.

I do not feel dependent on my consultant (although, in point of fact, I am). I guess I do not feel dependent in a negative way. Phyllis and I have become friends. We enjoy each other's company. Her home is welcoming and comfortable. It is a very short drive from my house. Her prices are reasonable, so everything about my installation and retightening sessions has been pleasant from the first day until now, and I suspect things always will be until we part ways. And even at that we have promised to keep in touch for life.

I always say that she is so calm and untroubled by things that she transfers a lot of that serenity to me. She doesn't worry and fuss, so neither do I. Having said that, it feels good to take the opportunity to learn to do my own hair now, while I am in this positive space, when it is completely optional and not born out of true necessity or dissatifaction.

My seven month lock-a-versary is coming up on Monday. Can you believe it?

The Power of Peer Pressure

2007-10-25T12:23:00.000-03:00

So....everyone is learning to retighten their own hair and I was feeling left out! Last night I went online and ordered my very own nappylocs tool!

I can't wait for it to get here. I want to try it out right away!

I had my locks tightened by my consultant 3 weeks ago, which means I will be due again in two weeks. Phyllis is from the Midwest and she informed me that she intends to go home for the Thanksgiving holidays. Okay, no problem. But then she says she might be gone for 4 or 5 weeks. Oh really?

Well, doesn't that put a kink in my normal retightening schedule? And isn't it all about me?

So, I'm going to have to go a week longer before she leaves or possibly wait a week or two for her to get back...Bummer!

Then there are those locks around my hairline that always want to slip at three weeks....what about those?

I have two locks at my nape that need retightening now, but I was just in her chair last week for lock repair. (One of my straight-hair locks had developed an almost two-inch hole! I could stick two fingers through it!) Someone is probably out there saying, "That's because you didn't braid and band...." But you know what? For all the time I've saved in the past 6 months not braiding and banding, it's a small price to pay. Even if this happens to five more or ten more, it's not a big deal to me.

It took her about 10 minutes to fix, maybe 15. And my lock is perfect again.

But I said all that to say that I am reluctant to go back and have the twins tightened this week, and then turn around and go back for my regular visit in two more weeks. It just seems a little obsessive. Of course, it is my obsession, so it doesn't bother me. It is being perceived as obsessive by others that I wish to guard against.

Phyllis is ever-gracious and wouldn't say a word, but....as I was fingering the locks that already need tightening and thinking ahead about how she is soon to be unavailable, I just decided that I would go ahead and order the tool and be done with it.

I used to twist my own hair, so I don't believe I will have any problem maintaining my locks when necessary. Somehow, I can't bring myself to put a latch hook in my head. I am just really averse to the idea. I'm not sure why. I guess because it just seems awkward and unwieldy, in spite of the suggestions for modification that people have made. It just seems too difficult, and like more trouble than it's worth for me. I can see myself snagging and tangling and marrying locks, getting a 'crick' in my neck and cramps in my fingers....no thanks!

I also tried using a hairpin and I don't know where I went wrong, but that wasn't working for me either!

When I was younger I used to sew (both by hand and with a machine), and I did needlepoint and cross-stitch, and latch hook rugs, so I am familiar with handicrafts and the necessary skill and dexterity, but it is different holding something in your lap in front of you where you can see it, and working on top of your own head where you have no choice but to go by feel. However, everyone says the nappylocs tool is like sewing, and that idea appeals to me. I like sewing. That sounds easy and simple and comforting.

I expect it will be like twisting my own hair and that once I establish a rhythm, I will find it quite enjoyable. I may even be able to go 6 or 7 weeks between tightenings. I go in at 5 now because I get locks around my hairline that feel really loose and floppy and I just don't like that feeling, but it's only about 20 of them that really bother me. I don't much care about the thickness through the interior. I rather like the volume I have when I'm due for a retite. If I can tighten those few looseys myself, I can probably go another week or two....but, we'll see.

Um...Is that your pet tarantula?

2007-10-06T19:47:00.000-03:00

So I sauntered sleepily into my bathroom in the wee small hours of the morning and found this joker staring me in the face!

Not a happy surprise!

Also not a tarantula. The species is known as the Carolina Wolf spider. I never saw one in my life until I moved into this house 6 years ago. They are so large you can literally hear them walk across a floor! The one in the picture I took is probably a full three inches long including legs and body. It could wrap itself completely around a small egg. I started to slip one under the bowl for perspective, but I chickened out and grabbed the deodorant stick from the counter instead. That's a six cup bowl that buddy is under. That's right - 1.5 quarts!

The first time I saw one I was home alone at night. It was October and I had the lights down low. In the far corner I saw two large green glowing eyes emerge out of the darkness....I kid you not...that's exactly how it happened!!!

They reflected the light like cat eyes. I could see them a full 15 feet away at the opposite end of the room!

I'm really not making that up, check out what Wikipedia says about them, "Their eyes reflect light well, and one way of finding them is to hunt at night using a flashlight strapped to one's forehead so that the light from the flashlight is reflected from their eyes directly back toward its source." Although why anyone would want to go hunting for them at night is beyond me!

I flipped on the bright lights and spotted the largest spider I'd ever laid eyes on indoors that was not part of a science project or museum exhibit. It looked like it belonged in somebody's kid brother's terrarium, but here it was running free across my living room floor. I was too scared to even try to kill it. It looked big enough to fight back! What if I tried to squash it, but it didn't die? All I would succeed in doing is making it angry. Then it could lie in wait for me, or come after me in my sleep!

I did the same thing back then. I put it under a glass bowl, so I could sleep in peace. Needless to say, I called the exterminator the very next day. All I could think was that one day I'd come down my basement stairs, or walk through a dark doorway and find myself tangled up in a huge web with one of these critters in the middle. I was horrified.

The exterminator put my mind at ease by explaining that wolf spiders don't web. They live in underground burrows, sometimes with trap doors. "How do they hunt?" I asked. "They're so big and fast", he said, "they can pretty much chase down and pounce on anything they want to eat." Which is exactly what the Wikipedia article says. That's why they're so named, because they stalk their prey like wolves.

They are solitary, so I don't have to worry about nests and infestations, just the occasional weary wanderer wanting to withdraw from the weather. He said that I could spray chemicals to kill them and try to keep them at bay, but they will come in to the house seeking warmth every fall when they weather starts to cool.

My house is a split foyer and partially underground with a daylight basement. On the front side of the house, there is earth up to the height of the windows. On the back side of the house you can walk out. Because of the design and elevation of my house I will see more of them than someone in a newer development with fewer trees and shrubbery, or someone in a house that lies completely above ground.

The Wikipedia article goes on to say this about them. "Also unique among spiders is their method of infant care. Immediately after the little spiders hatch and emerge from their protective silken case they clamber up their mother's legs and all crowd onto her abdomen."

Unfortunately I had the opportunity to witness this phenomenon first hand as well. A few years ago I was on the landing at my front door when I saw a very large specimen. Its body looked strange...all bumpy and bubbly and kind of diseased. I could not have known what was about to transpire.

I was talking to my then-boyfriend on my cell. I was less afraid of the spiders by this time (they stay pretty much to themselves and are basically harmless if not provoked), so I went to grab the broom to sweep it out the door. I had the short kitchen broom in one hand and the phone in the other and was nonchalantly chatting with my boyfriend about the spider and telling him the story of the first time I heard one walking across the floor and saw the glowing eyes appear out of the darkness, etc.

I had my niece open the solid door and screen door. I touched the spider with the broom and the next thing everyone heard was a chorus of screams. What seemed like hundreds of baby spiders scattered in every imaginable direction across the floor and up the walls! My niece and I were both barefoot and wearing our pajamas and were in deathly fear of being overrun by these eight-legged mini-monsters. (Ever notice how God made the most of the weirdest-looking creatures small? He knew we couldn't handle it - looking at eight-eyed, fanged, and otherwise scary things all the time. Anyway...)

My boyfriend said it sounded like the two of us were being murdered with an axe.

I honestly couldn't stop myself from shrieking. It was like the screams were being ripped from my throat. Seriously, it was one of the freakiest things I have ever seen in real life. It made my skin crawl like the worst kind of creepy scene in a horror movie....but, you know, that's what bug spray is for.

After they died I vacuumed the bodies and recovered my senses and collected myself, knowing it would be a funny story to tell later.

So yeah, every fall I can look forward to sharing me home with the wolf spiders. They don't usually bite and tend to avoid humans, but....eww!

Almost actual size! The real ones are bigger, not smaller!

Gal-to-Gal Update

2007-10-04T22:53:00.000-03:00

I'm a Gal Pal (which means I'm on the mailing list), so I was e-mailed this link today.

If you have a moment, check out the stories. One is about a mother who came up with the idea of selling pink lemonade in October to raise money for breast cancer, and the other is an interview with Jeanne, one of the Founding Gals of Design-her Gals. You may have already seen her interview if you followed the link from the official site.

I thought the pink lemonade stand was a wonderful idea. The best part is knowing that the concept is so basic and inexpensive, it can be duplicated in almost any community across America.

Gal-to-Gal Virtual Walk

2007-10-01T22:36:00.000-03:00

All of us know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Most of us have had our lives touched directly or indirectly by breast cancer. Who doesn't have a mother or sister or friend or co-worker who has not battled the disease?

A lot of us with locks created Design-her Gal avatars at some point in time. If you have not yet heard of Designhergals, take a moment to visit the site and read about the Gal-to-Gal Foundation, a charity that benefits Stage IV breast cancer patients.

And please, join the virtual walk. It's a marvelous idea. You can register with a $3 donation. That's less than a cup of gourmet coffee or a fast food meal.

Look me up! I'm Natasha L. in Greenville, SC.

Help them reach their goal of 1 million gals by the end of the month. When I signed up a few days ago, there were only 560 walkers. Now look how many have joined, and some are big name celebrities.

Like Martha Stewart says, "It's a good thing."

Update on the Twins

2007-09-21T00:51:00.000-03:00

Some of you will remember that early on (it was around the time of my first or second retite) I got two pairs of new locks at the front of my hairline and at the nape of my neck. I playfully declared them twins and named them.

Well, as problem-free and well-behaved as the rest of my locks have been, those four are giving me fits. I don't know if it is because they are so much smaller and shorter or what. The two up front (Artemis and Apollo) both want to stick straight up all the time now - they must be hitting adolescence - and the ends have been open and scraggly-looking as opposed to the neat coils I am used to with all of the rest of my locks.

Apollo just formed a knot, not a ball, mind you, a knot. I am resisting the urge to cut it in hopes that it will become a ball and thicken and close. It is a true micro-lock and at the end it terminates in about 10 strands of hair, so I had this teeny-tiny knot and then about another half inch of wild ends. It wouldn't be too terribly bad if the lock would lie down and blend in with the rest, but it really does stick up like a genuine, bona fide cowlick!

I finally couldn't take it anymore and cut the half inch off back to the knot.

I didn't want to, but I will have to rely on bobby pins to hold these babies down for who knows how long.

Then there are Sergei and Svetlana. My consultant has had to put them back in at every retightening. Those two have slipped out like clockwork each time between the third and fourth weeks. I'm not sure what happens, but I think it is something to do with the ratio of locked hair to new growth. Because that hair is shorter and thinner than the rest, but grows incredibly fast, it's like it reaches this point where I have a lot of new growth and it sort of wiggles it's way out of the pattern because there's a lot of 'play' or 'give' or 'slack' with that inch or so of unlocked hair.

This happened three or four times before and last time I decided I would just go back and have Phyllis retighten those two at three weeks. She kindly obliged. I had several additional little coils at my nape - little ringlets of hair that kept pulling free from their assigned locks.

Now that I have locks, I am really bothered by having any loose hair at all. It really bothers me, so I had twisted them myself just so they weren't tiny beady puffs. (It was really not that serious and I should have just ignored them.)

I wanted to ask Phyllis to see if she could make them into locks, but I felt silly because they are such tiny tufts of hair and no one ever said it all needs to be locked up...and I didn't want her to think I was being a ridiculous perfectionist, so I didn't ask.

But she knows me so well now that she did turn them into locks without me having to say a word. She chuckled a little as she did so, and I didn't even want to know what she was thinking. I know I amuse her with some of my silly little hang-ups, but she loves me anyway.

I now have a total of 9 locks that have been started since my initial install. All of them are at my hairline and are formed from strands of hair that kept pulling free from surrounding locks. They are all very short and very thin and I am interested to see what will happen to them, whether they will develop and mature or whether they will need to be combined later on. I think it is very funny too, because I was so adamant about not having any very thin locks and now I have 9 - all at my own insistence!

I am one week from my 6 month anniversary. I suppose I will post new pics around about then. Assuming I have not run myself completely ragged....More to come on the entrepreneurial efforts.

Separated at Birth?

2007-09-16T13:47:00.000-03:00

Oh wait...we're not the same age...

I know this is gonna be mighty hard for y'all to believe, but I wrote yesterday's post without any clue that Renea had beaten me to the punch! I read her post and comments mere minutes ago after Muslimahlocs told me about it.

The other day Renea mentioned our posts being harmonic...Goodnapps, Cashana, Brunsli, and I have often been nearly on the same page about some things, but this is just freaky!!!

I wrote my post about SL expense because it was on my mind after talking to a few people who were interested in them. I had referred them to my blog and to my consultant. I wanted to put some advice out there in case they visit my blog before I have an opportunity to speak to them again about price.

I decided to write a post about the 'expense' because so many people love the look and concept of Sisterlocks, but then shy away because of the cost. I started composing my post in my head on Wednesday, but didn't get to type it out until yesterday!

I was floored at how similar our sentiments are!...Too weird!!!

But also not (really weird) because the cost analysis breakdown is really the most logical way to look at it. I did a lot of research on my own before I ever talked to any consultants. As soon as I understood the method of installation, I immediately knew Sisterlocks would not be cheap - especially with my shoulder-length hair.

I didn't even expect to be able to get them for less than $700 right off the bat, simply because the process is so labor-intensive. As someone who has done crafts and design work and consulting (and occasionally hair), I completely understood that an SL consultant needs to be compensated for her time and attention to detail.

Personally, I never thought twice about the cost of Sisterlocks as a determining factor for whether or not I would get them, but like a car or appliance or any other big ticket item you intend to keep, I do think it is wise to 'shop around' if you have the option, all the while keeping in mind that you do get what you pay for.

I think this is particularly important for people who have longer hair or thicker hair or hair that might not lock quickly or easily.

A bargain is only a good deal if you get the SAME item or service at a lower price. It is not worth the savings if you get an inferior product at a cheaper price point.

I still can't get over how similar the posts are, and that I addressed some of the points that Goodnapps brought up and that I used the term sticker-shock like Brunsli. And Meikmeika talked about how the time savings makes them worth it just like I did - we even both used the term 'fret'. I swear I hadn't read a word of it when I wrote my post!

Are we all becoming psychically connected through blogging?

....Ponder...Discuss...

On Sisterlocks Expense

2007-09-15T20:39:00.000-03:00

Some people talk to a consultant and get a quote and just think: that's a lot of money to spend on a hairstyle. They don't realize that it really is an investment, not unlike a home improvement. It's something that stays with you and pays dividends over time.

I can't say how much I feel like I've earned back already in terms of time not spent fussing with and fretting over my hair! Literally hours every week that I can spend doing other things. And I actually spend less money on products and maintenance. But I know that is not the case for everyone.

I was just writing a letter to a friend (who is also natural and looked into Sisterlocks in the past, but she mentioned it in passing and I never got to ask her why she decided not to get them.) I was telling her how much I love mine.

I talked about the fact that I used to spend a minimum of three hours styling my hair whether it was twisted, loose curly, or straight. When it was curly, I had to wet it every morning and put anti-frizz and curl-defining products on it, so that was at least 45-minutes every morning. When I wore twists, I could never twist my whole head in less than three hours or untwist it for the retwist in less than 2 - that wasn't counting the actual wash (which was usually 10 - 15 minutes.) And when it was straight, I would spend about half an hour combing through it with detangling, straightening leave-in conditioner before spending another 45 minutes blow-drying it. Then it was off to the salon to have it flat-ironed, which took another hour and a half! If I decided to deep-condition or do a hot oil treatment before straightening, that added another half hour.

Now, I wash my hair in the same 15 minutes - sometimes in the shower, sometimes not, and keep getting up! I don't have to do anything else to it if I don't want to and it still looks good. I just can't even put a price on that. My retightenings are done at 5 or 6 week intervals and cost the same amount (including tip!) as my salon visits did at 2 or 3 week intervals.

I also save because I will never have to purchase extension hair again. I had stocked up on shampoo and oils and conditioners (I caught all the products I use on clearance a few weeks before I decided to get sisterlocks), so I don't know the next time I will have to buy products. (I may want to try something new, but I will not have to buy products for years...because I use so much less of everything now!)

Sophia broke it down in a recent post about the cost of Sisterlocks compared to a good weave or set of kinky twists or micros. She said, "It amazes me that a woman will pay $300 for a weave or braids that last for, at most, 2 months. She will get the weave/braids redone at least 6 times. 6 x $300= $1800 for 1 year. Once I reach my year mark with SLs, I will not have spent nearly this much. And outside of the initial costs, SLs are relatively affordable."

I used to get kinky twists put in once or twice a year, and my Sisterlocks installation was the same price as having fake hair put in. You all have seen how my hair grows, so even if they were put in well, I could never keep them for longer than two months without my roots looking really ghetto simply on account of my new growth. It was alright though, because that was about my limit for the fakeness. I was constantly aware that I had hair on my head that was not my own and I was always ready to be out with it and have my hair loose where I could really wash it again.

This is part of the reason I had apprehension about starting sisterlocks. I would always reach a point where I was like: ugh! I have to take these braids/twists out! I have to feel my own hair again! I have to comb through it and brush it and run my fingers through my own hair!

I was afraid I wouldn't like having the individual locks. I was afraid I would want them out that same way after just a few months. But it wasn't the grouping into sections that I was averse to: it was the artificiality and stiffness and added weight of fake hair. I hated the tension and pulling. Even the best human hair was still not my hair. Now that it is all my hair and it is soft and light, I am not bothered at all.

But, I digress, I was talking about sisterlocks expense. If you know you're going to keep them - even for as little as two years, they're worth the investment!

Anyone who is concerned about the ongoing costs of maintenance can definitely save money by retightening herself. Even though my consultant's prices are extremely reasonable, I know that sometimes every little bit of savings helps. A retightening can be equivalent to several tanks of gas or groceries!

It is often mentioned that sisterlocks are considered a brand or status symbol in some circles. I was not aware of this at all when I decided to get mine. I wanted to get mine done by a certified consultant simply because I knew that I did intend to keep them for years and I didn't trust simply anyone who said, "I does hair," to throw some locks in.

If I even began to think I could have done my own hair and have it turn out as beautifully as Jaidalon's...(I swear, the neatness amazes me!) or, if I had a friend or sister who could have hooked me up like Creyole did Mrs. Dee, I would have done so.

But I am just not so inclined (to do it myself) and I am not so well-connected. At this moment in time, I am not at all excited at the prospect of retightening my own hair. I would like to know how to, so I never find myself stuck looking unkempt because the local consultant is too busy, charges an arm and a leg, is underqualified, too far away, or non-existent.

Having my hair done is and always will be in the same category as massage and facials. Yes, I suppose you can do it yourself, but it isn't just maintenance to me, it is also pampering and a service. I am so willing to pay for the convenience of not having to do it myself. I'm the sort of person who would have a live-in housekeeper and cook if I could afford it. And a nanny if I had kids...(not in this life!*), but I do like having other people do things for me, even when I know I am perfectly capable of doing them myself.

* On the re-read, I felt that I should clarify that having a domestic is out of reach - it could read as if I dislike children!

I say this in closing to anyone who wants to get sisterlocked and finds herself sticker-shocked... 1) Think about the quote your consultant gives you for the installation. 2) Find out how much she charges for retightenings and how long she expects each session to take. 3) Figure out how often you think you will need to re-tighten. However often you got relaxer touch-ups is usually a good rule of thumb. Some people do as often as 4 weeks and others can stretch it out for 8. 4)Figure out how much this will cost you in 6 months and 12.

Now, realistically figure how much you actually pay for the hairstyles you currently wear. Count everything for 6 months and a year. Relaxers, touch-ups, braids, weaves, and all forms of extensions and fake hair (including pony tails, wigs, falls, etc., even if you're getting them at the local beauty supply for $5.99, they still add up!). Think about how many times you buy OPH, use it and throw it away, or go to the salon for a style that doesn't last a week, and you have to go and have it done again. Think how many times you pay good money for a style that you sweat out or that gets ruined in the rain or humidity.

Think how much time you spend creating and maintaining those styles or waiting in salons and braider's shops (or kitchens or living rooms).

And really count the cost.

Because you often spend this money $20 or $40 or $60 at a time, you don't realize how quickly you have spent $500 or $600 or $1000!

Now, these calculations don't work for people who do their own hair for what works out to be free if they don't use extensions and are masterful at styling or always rock hair that is short or totally natural and chemical-free, but I think those women are definitely in the minority. I think most of us spend a great deal of money on our hair, and a great deal more than we realize because we don't ever stop to add it up.

Why bother? It's like lamenting the high price of gas...you still have to buy it.

If it still seems out of reach, or you just can't bring yourself to spend the money, by all means, look into doing it yourself if you have that kind of talent, or find someone who does. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money. I understand that. I was totally ready to get sisterlocks, and I thought they were worth it, but I had to wait 6 weeks to find the money. (Still ended up cashing out a small 401K. I did not just have it lying around!)

And, if it somehow goes against your principles and upbringing, I understand that too. I'm just asking you to have some perspective and consider how much money you already spend, and compare that to the price of getting and maintaining sisterlocks. You may find that the gulf is not as wide as you had imagined. Don't count them out off-hand without crunching a few numbers, and don't be judgemental about people who did choose to get them.

Oh, and do shop around! I was quoted a wide variety of prices on my length of hair. There were some people who would have charged me $400 - $500 more than my consultant did! And I have read about retightenings that take 5 - 6 hours, so if it does seem outrageously expensive, maybe it is. I hate to say it, but there do seem to be a few consultants who are price-gouging.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I welcome yours on this subject....from readers with and without sisterlocks.

I like your hair...

2007-09-12T21:47:00.000-03:00

So it did happen....

Exactly one month ago I posted about how nice it would be if curious people would ask questions about my hair instead of staring rudely without speaking. Well, I had just determined it would be that way and decided to get used to it.

But just today one of the students at the school where I work approached me in the break room and said, "I like your hair, who does it?"

I was nearly floored! I was so excited to get to talk about my Sisterlocks to someone who wasn't already a friend or acquaintance! I explained that they were Sisterlocks and a little about how they're done and invited her to my computer to show her pictures on my blog and on the official website. I also gave her the address of the LHBE and my consultant's phone number.

She told me that she does braids and had heard of Sisterlocks, but had not seen them before. I told her how much I love mine. She was wearing a head wrap, so I didn't see her hair, but she told me that she was all natural and looking for an alternative to braids. I told her she should definitely look into Sisterlocks and do some research. I am looking forward to talking to her again to see what she decides.

My First Relaxer

2007-09-08T09:46:00.001-03:00

In spite of the fact that I have such fast-growing hair, I have not had long hair since I was 5. I was and still am extremely tender-headed. You can imagine what struggles my mother and I had when I was little with a head full of thick curly hair that was past my shoulders. So, out of frustration, she took me up the street to get my first kiddie perm.

I distinctly remember not wanting one. I had an aversion to the smells in the shop and the salon lady was mean. My mother actually didn't make me get one that day.

But then, it was soon time to wash and style my hair again and we went through the struggles and she promised me that if I got a perm then it wouldn't hurt anymore when she tried to comb it after a wash.

And she promised that if I didn't like it, I never had to get another one.

So, we made a deal. Of course I didn't understand the concept of new growth and that even if I never got another one it was still a permanent change to all the hair that was on my head. And I could not think forward in time and know the problems that would result from having two textures of hair. But I don't feel bad about that. I was 5 and there are adults who still don't get that concept.

I'm telling y'all... My hair is fine and soft...but sometimes it fronts like it is tight and kinky. (I don't even understand...like rappers who grew up in the suburbs, but front like they're hardcore from the streets...not namin' names or nuthin'...)

So it was one of them days when I got my first relaxer. And the stylist decided that I needed, not a kiddie perm, but a super perm, and that she wasn't going to leave it on for 5 minutes or 10 minutes, but for 20.

I told her it was burning and she said, "It's supposed to. That means it's working."

I said , "This hurts!" She said, "Stop whining!"

I started to cry. She called me a spoiled brat.

Now, I know you must be wondering where my mother was.

Like I said, this shop was literally a few blocks from our house in D.C. and we walked there. She was there for the application and the first few minutes and everything seemed to be under control, so she went next door to shop for a few minutes. It couldn't have been more than 10.

When she returned I was in tears in the sink chair getting the relaxer washed out...along with clumps of my pretty thick hair...

I told her what happened and she told that lady off like I have never seen! But the damage was done.

My hair had to be cut to just above my shoulders and she gave me a surprisingly cute style and of course we didn't pay...but later that day my scalp started to ooze pus from the chemical burns I received and the next morning I woke up with scabs all over. My hair was glued to my head in places.

All my mother could do was brush it back in a ponytail.

So after my first relaxer, we still couldn't comb through my hair until the scabs healed. By that time I had an inch of new growth and two textures and it was still a struggle. Isn't that ironic?

I don't blame my mother. She couldn't have known that would happen. She was doing the best she knew how at the time.

Needless to say I didn't get another relaxer for years.

But when you have trauma to your hair and scalp like that, the hair continues to break off from the ends and to fall from the scalp in patches for months. And even the new growth comes in weak and sickly. I thought my hair would never be right.

Technically, I had my first BC when I was 6. My mother decided to just start over!

After that, it was decided for me that my hair would stay short to medium. It was always about ear-length to just above my shoulders. I was told that when I could do it myself, I could grow it longer. That I didn't like, but what could I do? It was preferable to fighting with my mother about the hot comb or braiding or the box kit relaxer or whatever was the thing to do at the moment.

By the time I did start doing my own hair around the age of 13, there were so many cute hair cuts to try. Y'all remember, short hair, asymmetry, and the Halle Berry were in during the early 90's.

I liked shorter hair. It looks good on me. And I like change. Because my hair does grow so quickly, I never had any reservations about cutting it short (or trying new colors or chemical processes) because I knew it would grow back. I can go from twa to shoulder length layers in a year. So, I tried a lot of different styles during my teenage years, some of which were damaging and required me to start over completely.

I've lost track of the number of times I did that.

Even after I went natural I still periodically tried texturizers and softeners and silkeners in efforts to loosen and control my curl. I have said before that I have several different curl patterns on my head (as most of us do). I was on a quest to bring some sort of uniformity and predictability to them.

I'm here to tell you. Chemicals are not the answer. I never used chemicals - no matter how mild or gentle or 'natural' they claimed to be - that didn't fry my scalp and take my hair out at worst...And at best, they would leave my hair stripped and fragile and thin and limp. Which condition I couldn't abide, not after having known the fullness and thickness and body and bounce of my natural hair.

Renea called me impatient. (And it's okay, I take no offense.)

One reason I have not had long hair is the string of unfortunate encounters with chemicals (including hair color...I'm gonna try to find the pics where my hair was yellow, red and orange like Kelis.) But the other reason I have never had long hair in my life is my own impatience. I get impatient while growing it out and decide I will cut it. Color and cuts are the most instant changes you can make.

So one or the other would always get me. I would either get desperate for change and cut it. Or I would try something new with color or straighteners and it would break off. And so...my hair has not been past my shoulders in 25 years...

And I see this as my opportunity to learn to exercise patience and discipline with regards to growing my hair out. It is not so much that I want to have long hair swinging down my back. (Although I do love the look of long locks!) It is more about proving to myself that I can do it. It is a challenge to myself.

I have promised myself that never again will I resort/revert to chemicals to manage/style/straighten my hair. And for the next few years I will not cut it. I have never in my life gone more than 1 year without making a drastic cut of anywhere from 4 - 6 inches, or put myself in the position of having to pick a length and stay there while test patches that broke off caught up with the rest. (Thank goodness for high-density hair! I was always able to conceal the breakage quite well. No one ever knew but me and my stylist.)

So, there you have it, another installment of my personal hair story.

Five Month Update

2007-09-07T23:52:00.001-03:00

So it's time to post my five month photos and I wasn't feeling it at all. Everyone knows I posted a month ago about wanting more length. I look in the mirror and I feel like I see the same thing I've been seeing since March!

Cashana took the words right outta my mouth when she said, 'Don't get me wrong..I love my Sisterlocks, but I'm bored.'

I'm thinking of doing some new highlights for a change, but I am hesistant for two reasons. First, color is chemicals and I would love to be chemical -free. (Just on principle.) And second, I did highlights right before I started my SLs and they have been a good way to track my growth. However, I think my desire for change will win out.

Ok, but I promised pictures.

People have been telling me that my hair is growing, but I couldn't see it. It amused me that Aya commented on the length I have in front because that's where my hair really seems like it doesn't grow! The length I have on top right now is just a little bit more than what I started with, and that's why I've been frustrated with the sameness. But today I decided to sort through my myriad pics that were in different places not unlike Sunsail's.

And guess what I found when I compared photos?

My hair is growing! A lot!

I couldn't wait until 6 months to post these and I was having trouble with my collage software, but here they are. You get the idea...

Day 1

Month 1

Month 2

Month 3

Month 4

Month 5!

Words to Live By

2007-09-07T23:24:00.001-03:00

...Words I live by, anyway. You will notice a recurring theme on my blog. And I feel like it is a principle that applies equally to important choices like making the decision to lock and to frivolous choices like what movie to see on a Saturday night.

How satisfied we are with any decision and its outcome depends largely on our expectations.

I never thought I would have hair down my back and instantly. I didn't even want that. But I do know that my hair grows quickly. So, when I posted about wanting to have more length, it was because I didn't feel like my hair was growing at the rate that I'm used to.

I didn't expect that it would grow longer or faster because I have locks now. My hair was already natural and fast-growing and healthy. If anything, I prepared myself mentally for it to seem shorter. (I tried, anyway.) But, like I said in the previous post, I was tracking my monthly growth by my highlights, and just by feel between retightenings and I thought I would see more. So I was disappointed because I did not see what I expected to see.

My comparison photos have shown me that most of my growth is in the back and on the sides where I can't see it on a daily basis, but it actually is growing at the rate that I expected. So now I am satisfied. Not because my hair is longer - because I am getting the results I expected.

It's still on the shorter side as locks go.

Except when I do this...

Or this...

Yeah. I'm silly. I know it.

.

Entrepreneurial Inspiration #1 - Taryn Rose

2007-09-03T12:40:00.000-03:00

Have you heard of Taryn Rose? (read her bio and view a pic)

She left a career as a surgeon to become a seller of shoes. Why?

Here is a quote from Maria Bartiromo's article, 'The Risk Taker', found in the April 2007 issue of Reader's Digest. "Rose found her heart was no longer in medicine. 'I felt like a part of me, the part that loves to learn new things, that likes adventure, would be dying.' "

Now, how many of us can identify with those sentiments? Cluizel and Muslimahlocs come most readily to mind after having recently read their posts about dissatisfaction with their chosen careers, but it seems to be going around. I know they are not the only ones who feel that way. In the six months I have been blogging I have noticed a trend.

If one of us locked bloggers feels a certain way about a thing, chances are 5 of us or 12 of us or 20 of us feel exactly the same way, and that is just the reading I get from those who give feedback by e-mail and leave comments. There is no way to measure how many others read and feel kindred, but make no permanent record of it.

Taryn Rose started with a $200,000 SBA loan in 1998. Today Taryn Rose International is worth $28 million.

The article continues, "Rose realized the only thing stopping her was, 'fear of failure. I could hear my friends and family saying, "Why did you leave a secure job?" If I failed, would I be okay facing them? And I thought, So what? I can go back to do a fellowship. I started to accept that it would be okay to say, "I failed, but I tried." Once I was comfortable with that scenario, the fear dissolved. I realized that I feared regret more than failure. And after you embark on the path you choose, there is nothing acceptable but success.' "

And I thought of you, Carmen. I remembered the words of inspiration you have on your blog, "Nothing beats a failure but a try."

But you know what?

We won't fail. There is always much greater motivation to make something work when it is for us. For our happiness and fulfillment, to take care of our families, our children, than when it is to enrich someone else or provide security for their futures and their offspring.

I like her words, "After you embark on the path you choose, there is nothing acceptable but success." (italics mine)

That statment is powerful. Power-full. Full of power.

It's time we decided to make choices that will help us 'get ours.'

For more on the practical steps Taryn Rose took to start her business and build her brand, see the complete article here.

As for the shoes she makes, Manolos they're not, but they also aren't your grandmother's orthopedic uglies. If I had reached that point in my life where comfort trumps style (and I could afford them), I would wear them. Right now, I am likely to be seen one of two ways: in 4 inch heels or barefoot. So I will probably pay for it later, but alas, that time is not yet....

No one says you have to quit your job tomorrow or throw caution to the wind, and most of us do have a degree and a skill set that will give us 'something to fall back on' if we have to. But each of us who has a dream deferred or an original idea or seeds of discontent should at least try to follow the proverbial path not taken.

Entrepreneurial Inspirations are going to be a regular feature on my blog. I was inspired to start it by the always intriguing Sophia and her Beauty Inspirations. Since so many of us have entrepreneurial leanings, I would like to feature successful women (preferably minorities, though they do not have to be african-american) who have made it in business by finding a formula that has allowed them to make money whilst following their dreams.

I am passionate about this. I frequently stumble across stories on my own because it is a subject that interests me and I am always doing research, (I am currently in the process of creating my own product and building my own brand...shhh don't tell anyone...it's in the earliest newborn fragile stages where I am most afraid of failure and lack of follow-through and commitment on my own part....) but I welcome submissions from readers. Please feel free to tell me of anyone you have read about that you would like for me to feature.

It is my goal to post monthly, but I will post bi-weekly if I have enough stories.

The Mommy Track

2007-09-03T10:27:00.000-03:00

I am not a mommy, but someday I will be.

My father has a subscription to U.S. News and World Report. The cover story of last week's (Sep. 3, 2007) issue caught my eye, "The New Mommy Track." Here was the lead-in on the cover page, "The old rules didn't work, so more women are finding ways to change them. Neither superwomen, nor soccer moms, mothers are negotiating flexible schedules or finding entrepreneurial solutions to the career-family dilemma." To read the complete series by Kimberly Palmer, click here.

The article features a lawyer, several women in sales and management, and a few who started their own businesses. Sadly, no minorities were featured, but I think that ties in directly to an observation found under the heading "No Leverage" in the related article, How Moms Get on Track. "Women working in low-skilled jobs, on the other hand, usually find flexibility only by lucking into employers who accept it, says Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of Mommy Wars. 'Men and women at the lowest income levels don't have any leverage', she says."

A disproportionate number of the AA population have not been able to take advantage of educational opportunities that grant us the luxury of bargaining with our employers. Too many of us are just glad to have a job (or 2 or 3) that pays the bills and are struggling to keep it (them).

That needs to change. When any one of us figures out a formula for success, we need to share it with one another, and freely.

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World!

2007-08-28T09:33:00.000-03:00

Hayden Panettiere and Anne Hathaway? Really? I think that is so funny, but the interesting thing is that Hayden has always vaguely reminded me of my sister's daughter.

I joked with DSTDiva about being asian, but look at me!

I picked a straight hair picture to match, just because most of my SL pics are in profile and/or have hair in my face obscuring my features.

Apparently I look most like Gabrielle Union...Which is incredibly flattering! (Although I'm reluctant to believe it.)

...and Dave Chappelle!...Which I think is absolutely hilarious, but I actually can see the resemblance, although I never would have come up with it on my own.

Who thinks I look more like Dave than anyone else up there? (I do!) Too funny!

About 10 years ago when she was in MIB II I had the biggest girl crush on Rosario Dawson! I was mesmerized every time she came on screen. I was just like: wow! She is SO beautiful. (I was about to question my sexuality.) Somewhere along the way I figured out that I am so fascinated with her because she looks a lot like my mother and a few of my aunts, and we are often attracted to people who look like family. So I think it is very interesting that she is in my Celebrity Look-a-likes!

Below is the same assortment of celebrities. I liked this layout better, but you can't see the photos of Rosario and Hayden very well and the site doesn't give the option to manipulate the order, apparently it sorts them by percentage match.

Someday I may go back and try it with a different picture and see if I get different results. It's a fun way to waste 15 minutes on the 'net, not unlike YouTube.

Just So You Know...

2007-08-26T23:33:00.000-03:00

I'll be making some changes to the layout and content of my blog over the next couple of weeks. I am very serious about my weight loss efforts and I intend to start a separate blog to chronicle that project. I'm not quite sure if it will take.

I have a small enough following for my Sisterlocks blog, and I'm uncertain whether I will have the focus and discipline to maintain two blogs. I'm pretty sure there will be a fair amount of overlap.

I haven't yet decided whether I will post any new content on the new blog or whether I will just use it as a place to organize all of my weight-loss posts, so that they are not scattered among my hair posts. If someone wants to read them all together they will be in a central location.

Lefou I'm Afraid I've Been Thinking...

2007-08-26T10:13:00.000-03:00

Beauty and the Beast is one of my all-time favorite movies.

I know! I'm a grown woman, but I wasn't when it played in the theaters. I watched it countless times on video when I was a child, wore out the soundtrack CD, and saw the Broadway show as an adult with two of my friends who are also die-hard fans. We knew every line of dialogue and sang along with every verse of every song.

But I said all that to say...

...that my friends and I are always participating in some crazy scheme (for entertainment purposes only). I thought I would end up blogging more about some of our silliness, but alas, no. I have either been working to finance our follies or actually out enacting them.

And one of our catch phrases for when we come up with something interesting is: Lefou, I'm afraid I've been thinking...

If any of you are Beauty-and-the-Beast-o-philes, you know that the next line of the song is, "a dangerous pastime/I know..."

This isn't actually a silly one, but most recently my best friend and I have hatched a plan to spend 2 weeks in London and Ireland over the Christmas holidays. Since I work in education and our schedule follows the academic calendar and she works for herself, we should have a good two and a half weeks available for travel. What gives it misadventure potential is the fact that we have no itinerary and no plans, and truthfully, not very much money.

At this point we have only decided that we will buy tickets and go! It should be an adventure; I'll post about it more as our plan comes together, but I am very excited at the prospect of more international travel. You know I have been slightly disappointed about not making it to Paris earlier in the summer. This trip could partially make up for that missed opportunity.

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell."

Sisterlocks Freedom!

2007-08-25T19:19:00.000-03:00

Don't you LOVE not being afraid of water and steam???

When I was pressing my hair, I wouldn't stand too close to the pot when I was steaming vegetables or pasta because my hair is so fine all it needed to do was catch a wisp of moisture and it would start to curl!

Partially straight hair meeting partially curly hair - never a good look, like socks and sandals...

Yesterday I got caught in a sudden downpour. I didn't want my clothes wet, but I didn't worry one bit about my hair. I got a little wet, but my clothes dried off and my hair was just as cute as when I left home!

Can't beat the SL freedom!

I actually WET my hair most days and sometimes I just let the steam from the shower soak into them so they get all soft and fluffy. Water is now my friend!

Aren't SLs THE BEST?!

Sisterlocked In SC - Another Sisterlocks Success Story!

Nine and a Half Months

Awww....

From the archives....

Too Busy to Style

How I Fell Off

About Me

Crazy Stuff

UnderCovers

Go Girls!

Natural Hair Fad

So...

Still in Love...

Law of Attraction

Guess Who!

Why Am I Still Single?

Letter to an Old Boyfriend

I Love a Good Bra, But....

Sisterlocks Boredom

Self-tite Advice

1810 East North Street

What Have I Been Doing?

Trying this Again....

Full Figure Fashion

How It All Began....

Hairstories Needed!

How I Fell Off

Matter of Trust

Rollasole

Precious Jill

My Other Blog

Walk It Out

Racing to Save Lives

Sisterlocks Gathering

It seems we've done it again...

Bras for Bros

Another Flashback

The Lazy Woman's Comparison Post

Eighteen Months - Still in Love

Catch it if You Can

The Black List Project

Comments Always Welcome

Seventeen Months - Still in Love

To Me on My 31st Birthday

Sixteen Months and Still in Love

From the archives....

Tiny Locks

As if I Needed Another Project

Not this year....

To Post or Not to Post?

Black Russian Needs A Vacation

In Response to Southern Girl...

Lock-Splitting

On Perfection

I Feel Like Such a Nerd

Leatherheads Bonus!

I Love My Sisterlocks!

Leatherheads (0% about my hair)

My New Blog!

Sisterlocks Photo Shoot!

To Lock or Not....

'Leven Months an' Lovin' It!

Upcoming Sisterlocks Gathering (Charlotte)

On Turning Thirty

Another First

A Totally Frivolous Post...

How's It Going?

Still in love...10 months

A Decent Proposal...

There's No Business Like Show Business

Be the man....

My Big News!

My First Sisterlocks Gathering

Still in love...8 months

An Interesting Opinion

Recommended Reading

On Sisterlocks Status

So What Do You Think?

On Sisterlocks Affirmation

On Wanting More Length