On Sisterlocks Vanity

A while back Woman In Process posted about how locks make you egotistical. And it is so true!

I feel like I must spend 10 - 30 minutes a day staring at my own locks in the mirror...well, not every day, but when I start I just can't stop. I get kind of mesmerized with them, making note of changes and admiring the texture.

They are changing yet again. I'm noticing that the pattern is becoming less defined in some of my locks, and while they are not swelling or getting puffy, they are thickening and gaining density. I really like them exactly the size they are now, so I hope they don't get very much larger in diameter, only heavier and denser, so I have less fluffiness and flyaways. A few of my ends have sealed.

I have the hardest time getting good detail shots and closeups, so I don't have any pics of the changes. I haven't really had time to experiment with my camera and set up the shots the way I want.

I notice how many Sisterlockers use words like love affair, lovely, and adoration to describe their locks and how they feel about them. Many of their user names and blog titles reflect this relationship they have with their hair!

It's amazing isn't it?

I look in the mirror so many times and think: Wow! I really love my hair! It's so beautiful! It feels so good! This is so wonderful!

I always think and speak about it in gushing, glowing terms and superlatives. I have to contain myself when speaking to people without locks who have only a casual curiosity lest they think I am just so full of myself and completely narcissistic, but I know you all in the blogosphere know what I'm talking about, right?

Does the high accompanying this infatuation ever wear off? I suppose the love deepens and grows, eh?

How I Feel About My Parts

I feel differently about my hair because it is so thick you can't see the parts anyway (except on the very top - even the day of my retightening) and I almost always freestyle. I have a center and side parts, but you can see I wear my hair on both sides of the part and there are even a few locks going straight back. It's always crazy on top because I run my hands through my hair about a thousand times a day!

None of this is to say that I think that neatness and precision don't matter at all. I would be upset about my own hair if it seemed like my consultant had made no attempts at parting and gone at it like I did when I twisted my own - just grabbing pieces at random and working the pattern in. One reason you pay someone else is because they can see to do a better job than you can. You are paying for their experience and expertise! The Sisterlocks method you are paying for includes the parts and not just the pattern.

In looking at hundreds of pictures, I have seen some variance in the neatness of parts, but, sometimes the difference is a matter of slight degree. Like: good, better, best. I do admire parts like BLM has. Wow! They are amazing! But I certainly don't think that others that are less precise are so awful they must be taken down and redone! Mine are not that perfect (per my own request) and I love them all the same!

Thicker/denser hair is inherently harder to part and keep parted. I requested slightly irregular parts (in the middle towards the back where my hair grows thickest; those parts may never see the light of day).

1) Because I felt like Brunsli (she posted the first comment on Creyole's post about her parts). I prefer the organic quality of a little messiness to the cultivated quality of grids and rows. On my own head! I don't dislike it on the heads of others. And because of what I needed to do to get the overall look I wanted. Having less regular parts helped break up the layers a little so there seemed to be less severity to them. It kept my hair from looking really terraced. I wanted my layers to look a little less even.

I am very familiar with the different textures of hair on my head. If my consultant had gone through using a regular grid pattern making each part into rows that lined up vertically and horizontally, I would have ended up with a lot of super-skinny, terribly fine, scrawny-kinky twisties that would have tangled on the ends, but taken forever to bud and lock. I know this is true.

I would not have been happy with my locks for a long time.

So, in the places where I knew that would happen, I asked her to make those parts larger. That is why I had instantly full looking locks. Those same places on my head that would have looked sickly and weak look healthy and fat. (There is strength in numbers.) But, of course, my hair doesn't differ in texture in a square or gridded pattern. So, if you looked very closely at my head, you would notice that my parts are larger behind my ears and at my nape, but smaller at the crown and tapering down towards my nape. They are also larger on the top.

It doesn't look like she went in willy-nilly without a care. It's more like I have several sets of grids, some larger and some smaller. And since heads are round and not cubed and hairlines are irregular and not straight, it would have been a terrible headache to ask my consultant to line up all of the various groups of grids so that they matched and made perfect rows that were horizontally and vertically symmetrical. I knew this from my own knowledge of parting and braiding my hair and others.

It just wasn't worth the time and tedium IMO. So, I made the choice to sacrifice the exact parts for the overall look I wanted. My locks look more uniform due to the variance in size I requested than they would have if all the parts were sized and spaced to line up with each other.

And 2) Because my hair is like Jen describes hers to be in the very next comment on the same post by Creyole. For some strange reason it is resistant to parts.

Have you ever watched someone walk through a field of wheat or wildflowers? You notice how the vegetation parts just in the space that their body occupies and then closes immediately behind them as if they never passed that way? That's how my hair is. I guess it has to do with the density. And stylists always tell me that my scalp is springy and spongy. I've never had anyone do my hair and not comment on the phenomenon of how it won't stay parted unless you tie it down with millions of metal clips. (Okay, so that was an exaggeration - but it really does take dozens!)

I'm sure it's good advice for most, but if my consultant had parted my whole head before she started and had to keep moving clips and reparting, we would have been at it for hours longer (which I didn't want - to sit for or pay for - with my 7 - 10 inches of thick natural hair). Not that I didn't think it was worth it if I believed they would stay, but again, like Jen says, my hair grows in a way that obscures parts anyway.

I have all sorts of little tufts of new growth between the rows that are making my once very straight parts a little wavy. So, it was just like: why bother when they will only be exposed perhaps 7 scattered days out of 365?

That having been said: my parts on top are perfect. I stressed this point because I am short. I am only 5', so everyone sees the top of my head all day long - even other short people! It is no joke that the top of my head needs to look right!

Ok?

Ok!

I have a great center part and straight parts on either side of it. Even though the rest of my hair is resistant to parting, I think that hair is trained to obey from years of parting it the same way. Whether I was wearing my hair straightened or twisted, I usually had a center, left, or right part. And, like I did for myself when I was twisting, I made sure to get a straight part down the center from my forehead to my nape.

And all of those things make my situation different. I requested larger more irregular parts. I made choices. I knew how my hair would behave, and what I was sacrificing by not getting precise parts. (Sacrifice: giving up something of value for something of greater value.) I valued fatter, stronger locks over straighter parts that I might cornrow once every blue moon.

I communicated my desires to my consultant. To her credit, she was a little apprehensive about doing what I asked, because, truth be told, neither one of us really knew how it would turn out. Her name and reputation were on the line. She didn't want to spend hours on my head for me to end up unhappy and want them redone or, worse, end up bad-mouthing her all over town and on the Internet. That's why I always give her praise, because she took a chance by listening to me.

I promised that I wouldn't blame her if I didn't get the results I wanted and I would shut up and pay whatever she asked if they didn't turn out right and needed to be fixed. But she didn't know that this was true. I knew that I was asking for the unconventional, and what I thought I knew about my hair might not have been true as applied to Sisterlocks. So, it was a huge leap of faith for me too.

That is part of the reason I love my locks so much now! I am so happy they turned out as well as they did! The choices I made could have gone all kinds of wrong on all kinds of levels. For example if I'd run into a lazy consultant who didn't care about her work, who knows what I would have? Although my parts don't line up perfectly top to bottom and side to side, they do within each little mini-grid, and I'm glad for that.

They might not have turned out well if I had my SLs installed by someone who didn't see eye to eye with me as I was explaining my hair texture and why I wanted a non-traditional installation. Or, if she had been the type of person who merely 'heard me out' without listening and taking it in because she knew from the beginning she would do her own thing anyway. That is why I feel so thankful to have found the consultant that I did at the time that I did.

However, I know I would feel differently about everything if my irregular parts were the result of laziness or someone going at it quickly to make a quick buck or having then installed by someone who really didn't know what they were doing. Even if I went to a consultant who installed my Sisterlocks the way they are, without discussing it with me before hand and securing my consent, I would be upset. What I chose to do makes sense to me because I thought of it, but if it was given to me as an explanation after the fact when I came back asking: why are my parts not straighter?....I would be skeptical.

My installation is done. It doesn't matter to me what anyone says to me in the future about my locks or my parts because I got what I wanted. I got what I asked for, and I got what I paid for.

My Opinions

I always know all of what I'm thinking in my own head, (don't we all) but I realize that when I post I don't always convey the entire context. (This becomes most evident to me when I go back and read comments.) That is part of the reason my posts and comments are so long (I'm trying to provide context) but I don't always say enough. (Hard to believe there's more, right?)

So, this is to clarify my comments on parts and perfect locks, etc.


I don't think anyone who is unhappy with their parts or their locks should settle: especially if the issues they are having are the result of a less than skillful installation. When all of us with SLs chose to go to a certified Sisterlocks consultant, there was an implied level of skill, experience, and expertise.



We should not have to ask for straight parts or proper lock sizes or feel like we have to worry about whether they will select the proper pattern. We should be able to trust that all of these things will be done to our satisfaction. However, if we have questions about these things and how they relate to the process and the end result, they should be able to answer them to our satisfaction without becoming either vague or defensive. That is part of what we are paying for.

I had a lot to say to my consultant because I wanted what I have termed non-traditional Sisterlocks. There were elements of the SL process that I wanted to incorporate into my locks, and others I didn't. I felt much more comfortable going to a Sisterlocks consultant and asking her to bend the rules for me than going to a traditional loctitian (without SL training) and asking her to try to imitate SLs. And that was just a matter of preference.



I have since seen many pictures of other types of locks and followed blogs of people who started with other methods that made me think I could have gone another route and been just as pleased. (Still lovin' my SLs though!) Just no disrepect to the sisters who started with braidlocks, nappylocs, and other methods. The last thing I want to do is come across sounding like a Sisterlocks snob!

Lock Size Addendum

I went back and reread some other posts about lock size and I feel like I need to clarify the things I previously said about my own. (For posterity.) I don’t want to be responsible for leading anyone astray. I’m only two months in, but I don’t want someone to see my locks somewhere down the line, like them, and insist on having a head full of large locks installed, only to wind up unhappy with the end result.

I said that my locks are larger than ‘traditional’ SLs. That is not an entirely accurate statement. I spoke of insisting on large locks and you can see from my pics how large they are in the top, so you would assume that they only grow larger towards the back. Or perhaps that they were pretty much the same size throughout. However, my consultant basically did a traditional installation on me as well.

Here is the main difference: My standard-sized locks begin at the crown of my head. Those locks are small and plentiful. They do grow larger towards the back as the training teaches consultants to do. What I asked for that is different is larger-than standard locks around my hairline and on the very top. (Instead of smaller.) As you can see in my picture, those parts are larger than the largest recommended size, but the locks themselves are not very big. That is because my hair on top is fine.

So instead of having medium-sized locks at the crown and back with small and super small locks at the edges and on top, I have the smallest locks at the crown. The size increases to medium as they reach the back, and the largest locks are at the top and sides. This does seem a little counterintuitive. It goes against the SL recommendations.

I belabored the point and was so obsessive about my lock size, that Phyllis pulled out the sizing card and showed it to me. She explained that the part size helps determine the size of the lock, although the actual lock size (both at installation and through to maturity) from a given sized part will vary according to a person’s hair texture.

I am very familiar with the variance of textures on my own head. The hair at the crown of my head is thicker and curlier than all of the rest. I knew that I could have small locks installed there and be certain that they would thicken to my satisfaction over time. However the hair at the nape of my neck and behind my ears is absolutely baby fine, so if those locks were made smaller than the rest, they would always be weak and vulnerable and fragile. I would likely end up having to combine them somewhere down the road. So I requested that those parts be made much larger than the others.

I also requested larger than standard locks in the top because that hair has a wavy silky texture when braided/twisted. It is finer and softer and thinner than the hair at the crown and back. That hair is going to be the last to swell and/or lock. I knew that I could get larger locks installed on top and it would not bunch.

I asked for something different and contrary to what consultant training teaches, which is why I have so often given praise to my consultant Phyllis. 1) Because she had infinite patience with me as I explained and re-explained (a.k.a. beating a dead horse) what I wanted. She was so zen abut it. She kept telling me, “Starting locks is a spiritual journey and you’ll get the locks you are supposed to have, whether I do them now or someone else does them later.” It was very reassuring. Because she had this attitude, I knew I didn’t want to go to anyone else or wait until later. I had full confidence that she would give me ‘the locks I was supposed to have.’

And 2) She was able to give me what I asked for. I take my own pictures, so it is a lot of trouble to find a camera angle that will clearly show my parts, but they are very neat and she did a phenomenal job of blending the variety of sizes and keeping the parts neat. Even though I do have an odd assortment of lock/part sizes and hair textures, she succeeded at giving me a uniform look overall.

I feel fortunate because another consultant might have refused to do it…or tried and failed to make it work (and look good).

You will notice that my locks do look very curly/crinkly/tight in some of my pictures, but it is not the result of bunching or other strange effects; it is basically just my natural curl. The straightest most obedient locks on my head are actually the ones on top that are largest. They lay wherever/however I want them to. The curliest/twistiest/unruliest ones are those that were done to the SL standard. It just is what it is…

Hope this helps a sister who is trying to decide what to do.

As I said, I am not recommending this course of action to anyone else, and I only had the confidence to insist on it because I was very in touch with my hair’s textures and characteristics. And I still feel like I will not have objective evidence on whether this was truly a wise decision for at least a year. I really don’t know how my locks will mature. I only know that I love them now in the short term and can’t imagine that I will become dissatisfied as they grow out.

I always say that your satisfaction level with anything depends heavily on your original expectations. I have admired the locks of many other women, but I don’t expect mine to look just like anyone else’s. I just want the most beautiful locks I can grow. As long as they continue to grow strong and healthy, I will be happy with them. I’m not sure what they will look like as time goes by and that is precisely what makes my journey such an amazing adventure.

Before and After

In the beginning when I started researching SLs, I couldn't get enough of before and after pics. I wanted to have some idea what mine would look like. I know that no two heads or hair textures are the same, so you can never be 100% sure what you'll get, and many people have said that lurking leads to lock envy and lock confusion, but I have to say it really helped me a lot. I did see several women whose hair looked like mine in before pics; and that helped serve as a pretty accurate predictor of what my locks would look like.
So, I thought it would be helpful to sisters who are on the fence for me to include a few before and after pictures.

I've mentioned before that my haircut was very layered. These pictures were taken about three months before I started my locks. When you compare these to the pics I posted on May 14, you get a good idea of how much length I lost.

These pics were taken the day my locks were finished.

I feel obligated to add that I have been wearing my hair natural and/or lightly texturized for 15 years, so I was pretty in touch with my hair's texture before I made the decision to lock. If you are starting from hair that has always been chemically processed there is no way to imagine or predict what it will do in its natural state - locked or otherwise. I was able to hazard a guess because I have worn my hair in so many different natural hairstyles. I have especially experimented with different sizes and methods of twisting and coiling it - styles which are inherently similar to methods used to lock. And I was still very uncertain about how my hair would look and behave in SLs. And I was still surprised by what I ended up with - albeit pleasantly.

Two Month Update

It has now been four months since I had my test locks put in and they are exactly the same size and texture. They haven't swelled. They haven't begun to lock. The ends are still stringy...and I am SO glad I opted for larger locks on the rest of my head!

I will say again that I think choosing a larger size is one of the biggest factors in my overall satisfaction...Everyone must ultimately make their own decisions about this, and I do advocate listening to the advice of your consultant - especially if they are very experienced and have worked on a lot of heads; but I have noticed that a lot of women say they wish they had gotten larger locks installed from the beginning. You will also notice that a number of women have chosen to combine some of their locks. I believe I won't ever have to do this...but, hey, it's still very early in my journey, so stay tuned....

I agree with an observation Brunsli made. I'll try to come back and add a link to her actual post because this is going to be a very loose paraphrase. She said that SLs were originally marketed to older women who wanted to be able to wear their hair flat-ironed and/or hot-curled. They wanted locks that would style more like relaxed hair. Now SLs have taken off among women who want a look more in line with traditional locks, and they have found that larger tool-assisted locks still offer a variety of styling options without some of the challenges associated with tinier locks.

I love my natural hair! I want locks that look and style like locks! I just happen to prefer the characteristics of tool-assisted locks for myself. I don't intend to ever use a flat-iron or curling iron on it. I never want to apply heat directly to my locks. I have no small amount if apprehension when I anticipate having to sit under a hooded dryer once winter comes and once it is longer. My hair takes hours to dry even now while it is short and the weather is warm.

I mentioned before that I didn't want a head full of 'curly thin wispies'. I looked at my test locks and I know that if I had a head full of locks that were still that thin, I would definitely be unhappy. (I don't think I would regret my decision to start Sisterlocks, but I would definitely be terribly impatient about how my locks are progressing. I wouldn't be enjoying them as much now, and I don't believe I would be getting as many compliments. ) About half of my ends are still open and loose, but because each lock has more hairs, they have grouped together to form adorable spirals. My tiny test locks are the only ones that look scraggly and limp or frizzy on the ends.

This weekend marks my two month anniversary and just yesterday I felt incredibly restless! I love my SLs...but...it's time! It's time for me to do something different! I wrote in a previous post about how I rarely wear the same hairstyle for more than 2 months without switching it up somehow, and I'm feeling a little limited on options. I was playing in it two days ago and found myself having to fight the urge to unravel the ends that are beginning to tangle. I just wanted to take out the little knots on the ends and retwist them....I want my little curlicues, not tangles! Then I suddenly wanted to take them all out and wash my hair and blow dry it! I just did!

Am I the same woman who just said - mere paragraphs ago - that she never wants to apply heat directly to her hair again? Alas yes, such is my ambivalence. I won't apply heat to my locks, that's for certain. (For now...)

Then I started to long for loose curly hair. Summer is the time when I can wear my natural curls because the heat and the humidity actually work in my favor. I can walk out with damp hair and not worry about getting sick.

That same night, I actually dreamed that I flat ironed my hair and it was longer and straighter and flowing! I remembered the dream when I woke up and felt like my subconscious had betrayed me. But again, I knew from reading blogs of so many sisters who started their journeys before me, that everyone has days and sometimes weeks where they long for loose hair. I will say again that I am completely happy with my decision to lock. I stand by it, but...contradictory as this statement may seem, the other day I would have taken them out if not for the investment of time and money.

If the installation had cost $200 - $250 and I had sat in that chair for 5 - 6 hours, and could have taken them out in 6 - 8, I would have just done it. That's equivalent to two-strand twists with extensions. But we all know that so much more is involved, so, when I decided to lock my hair I knew that it was a commitment. Therefore, I promised myself that I would commit to at least 3 years.

My locks are still very new and they are relatively short, so my styling options are limited. I am sure I will feel differently once they mature and I get some length. Then I will be able to achieve styles I never would have been able to with straight hair or curly hair...so...patience.

At 2 months I have still not seen very significant changes. My spirals are tighter so the overall length seems a tad shorter, maybe an inch, but that's about all. Oh yeah, I don't have Coolio hair in the morning anymore. It looks pretty much the same when I wake up as when I went to bed. I don't have to use water for control, but I still spritz the ends sometimes to give the curls a little more definition.

A side note that is unrelated to most of what I've included in this post: I had not given much thought to whether I would learn to retighten my own hair any time soon because I like my consultant so much and I'm actually spending less money on maintenance than I ever have before, but after reading about how much time and money some others spend, I feel like I should learn now. What if Phyllis leaves me? What if I relocate and have to find a new consultant? I do like the idea of being able to do it myself if money happens to be tight.