Sisterlocks Boredom

Another post from the archives. Written 4.19.08.

From time to time all of us comment on the fact that we are bored with our Sisterlocks and we need a change.

A friend of a friend recently cut her sisterlocks down to a TWA after 3 years...which I can't imagine...Maybe it is just a hairstyle for some folks, and not the life-altering path to freedom and self-love it is to others.

No judgments either way.

I was also reading the Hair Affairs e-zine that was delivered to my inbox today. There is an article inside that talks about how there are good days and bad days and times along the way when you will get bored with them and tired of them.

I wonder why people are so surprised about that fact. Is that unique to locking? I don't think so.

Women of all races and hair textures get bored with their hair. That's why the beauty industry makes so much money off of styling products and hair color. That's what keeps salons in business.

We all crave change at some point,. It just happens to some of us more often than others. Not having the option to wear our hair straightened seems confining and limiting to some.

People shy away from the perceived permanence of locks, but what baffles me is the fact that these same people fail to realize that it is the same with relaxed hair.

That is permanent. If you want hair that isn't chemicallly straightened you have to cut it and let it grow out again. Hair color is permanent. The only way to 'undo' that chemical process it to go over it again with more color...or cut it and grow it out again.

And how many of us can really wear every look we see in the magazines?

Most of us settle into the same 2 or 3 hairstyles that are quick and convenient. We only make exceptions on special occasions.

Add that to the fact that everybody's hair won't do like the hair models and actresses and video vixens.

This is true for several reasons. 1) No access to wind machines. 2) No on-call access to celeb stylists. 3) All hair IS NOT created equal. 4) Certain styles will NEVER be acheived by those who choose not to use OPH in the form of weaves or wigs.

SO.... what are we REALLY missing out on? Let's be honest...

The perception that relaxed hair gives you greater freedom and hairstyling choices is actually a HUGE misconception!

Locks aren't for everyone. They weren't for me at a different stage in my life, but I want people to realize that while locking is a commitment and a decision not to be made/taken lightly, one should not shy away from getting them because they are too permanent or will give them less options.

Locks offer more options, not less.

There will be times when they will frustrate you - be prepared for that. But don't give up because of bunching or shrinking. Know that it will happen and give them a chance to grow and mature and get over the rough patches.

My hair is more carefree than it has ever been in my life! I have less daily maintenance now than I did with a TWA!

Now, I can use absolutely NO product and my hair still looks good. I can go 5 or 6 weeks between tightenings (although I don't.)

With a TWA, I had to use conditioners and activators, sometimes gel, just to get it to 'do right'. I had to get it shaped up every THREE weeks....And I still only had the one look...

I too look in the mirror every day and think how much I love my locks...how much I am loving them more and more as the weeks and months go by.

4.19.08

To Lock or Not....

A reader sent me this inquiry by e-mail: "I am entering the the corporate culture as an accountant and I have biased thoughts as to if I should lock my hair or not....."

Yep...I remember this one. As I stated in my previous post, one year ago when I was contemplating locks myself, I was also unemployed. So, not only was I concerned about how I would pay for my locks' installation and maintenance, I was concerned about how it would affect my job search and interview process.

I had made the decision to lock and I was certain that it would not be an issue with my current employer. Our dress code was business casual every day and jeans on Friday and a lot of the employees were African-American. However, when I knew I would have to start looking for a new job, I began to worry about my hair being yet another variable to perhaps tip the scales - and not in my favor.

What to do?

It weighed very heavily on my mind! But I decided to do it anyway. I decided - in my heart - that I did not want to work for any company or corporation that would not be accepting of my natural hair and that was that.

I would not begin to say that every work environment is lock-friendly, but I can definitely say that in my personal experience, they never seemed to have any impact on how I was perceived. I don't feel like I ever lost out on any opportunities on account of my natural hairstyle.

I do think lock acceptance depends on several factors, like the region of the country one inhabits and how many black people there are in the area. I think an even bigger factor is how the locked individual carries him or herself.

Are you otherwise well-dressed and well-groomed? Do you speak intelligently and with confidence? Do you have a stable work history, solid resume and relevant work experience? I think employers today are much more concerned about those factors.

That having been said, corporate culture varies widely from company to company. There are still accounting firms, law firms, and other organizations that have extremely conservative views on many things.

My opinion is this: if you present yourself professionally, your locks should not hinder your job search in any field. If you want to be a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant, or banker - in general - your well-maintained and tastefully styled locks should not be a problem.

However, I do add this caveat: Anyone seeking a job with a specific company (if you are set on working there) should try to do some research on their individual culture and whether natural styles are welcome. Sometimes even within a generally open company there is an individual department head who is known for holding certain prejudices. At that point it is up to you to decide how badly you want that particular job with that particular company.

My locks do still look a little bohemian sometimes when I wear them loose. (I have a fine, curly textured hair and all it takes is for a little wind to blow through and it's all over my head! And I'm in the habit of tousling them a lot and playing with them when I haven't put them up.)

So whenever I have a business meeting or event where I think my contacts or audience might be especially conservative, I do put my hair up. I wear it in a bun or french roll. Even with straight hair, I tend to think that these types of styles present a more business-like image.

I have not had one single minute of regret about having started my locks. I cannot say that they have had any negative impact on any area of my life, least of all my employment opportunities. I have found them to be a total non-issue, even though I am often the only person of color in a room. I get compliments on them all the time - from all sorts of people.

So, dear reader, I say: Go for it!

Words to Live By

...Words I live by, anyway. You will notice a recurring theme on my blog. And I feel like it is a principle that applies equally to important choices like making the decision to lock and to frivolous choices like what movie to see on a Saturday night.

How satisfied we are with any decision and its outcome depends largely on our expectations.

I never thought I would have hair down my back and instantly. I didn't even want that. But I do know that my hair grows quickly. So, when I posted about wanting to have more length, it was because I didn't feel like my hair was growing at the rate that I'm used to.

I didn't expect that it would grow longer or faster because I have locks now. My hair was already natural and fast-growing and healthy. If anything, I prepared myself mentally for it to seem shorter. (I tried, anyway.) But, like I said in the previous post, I was tracking my monthly growth by my highlights, and just by feel between retightenings and I thought I would see more. So I was disappointed because I did not see what I expected to see.




My comparison photos have shown me that most of my growth is in the back and on the sides where I can't see it on a daily basis, but it actually is growing at the rate that I expected. So now I am satisfied. Not because my hair is longer - because I am getting the results I expected.

It's still on the shorter side as locks go.





Except when I do this...








Or this...








Yeah. I'm silly. I know it.

.

What Did You Do to Your Hair??? Part 2

As so often happens, a long-winded comment positively took on a life of it's own. This is the promised follow-up to my post, What did you do to your hair???

In response to my post about what men think, Goodnapps said that it is not only our men who have to get used to our new hair choices, but also the rest of our friends and family and sometimes even ourselves. That is absolutely true for a lot of people, but not for me.


I have never been able to relax my hair without incident (burns, breakage, etc.), so I have alternated between being natural and relaxed literally all of my life. I did keep going back to the chemicals periodically - thinking like so many of us, "Maybe this time with this new product (or method or stylist) it will be different. (And, of course, it never was.)

I never have really told my complete hair story. I have only alluded to it here and there, so most of you wouldn't know that.

I never had that period of adjustment among my friends and family because I was natural most of the time. Even if I was pressing and curling and it appeared to be relaxed, it usually wasn't.

So, it's always been, "Oh, you're wearing it straight again." or "Oh, you're wearing it natural."

And I've always worn a variety of lengths. So it was, "Oh, you've cut it all off again." And, "Oh, you're growing it out..."

So the only time it has ever been an issue is when I was in a relationship and I started out with one look and switched in the middle.

Thankfully, I come from a family that is supremely supportive of natural hair choices. I am not now nor have I ever been the only one to wear my hair short or natural, so I didn't ever have to explain myself with other styles.

I am the first and only one in my immediate family to start locks of any kind. My brother hasn't said anything and he probably won't. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like them as well as other styles I've worn, but he likes longer hair, so I think he'll appreciate them more once they reach a certain length.

My father has been AWESOME. He has never had a negative comment about ANY STYLE I HAVE EVER WORN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

There are pictures I look back at and think: What???

But he never had anything bad to say.

It was always understood in my house that the woman is the one who has to style her hair and get out the door in the morning, and sleep on rollers or not, sit in the salon or not, so it is up to her to do what she wants.

I grew up with a sense that choice was not only a matter of what was perceived to be attractive by others, but knowing that it also involved maintenance and convenience and those are important factors, as was being proud of the way God made us and not feeling that we had to alter ourselves in any way to fit in to anyone else's standard of beauty.

My Dad was always like: Whatever. You and your mother are beautiful. Do what makes you happy.

The more I read about others who don't/didn't have that and the more men I have met who don't have that enlightened attitude, the more grateful I am to my father; the more I appreciate him and the way I was raised.

That's why I have had such a hard time dealing with men who don't appreciate natural styles on me and other women, and why I especially appreciated Kaya giving me another way to look at it.

Diva, I'm single now and I was single when I started my locks. I'd toyed with the idea of locking my hair on and off for almost 10 years! But always seemed SO PERMANENT. I liked switching back and forth.

On how my new look would be perceived by potential suitors: When making the decision to lock I have to say I gave it some thought for more than a hot minute.

My fiance loved locks. He liked my straight hair too, but every time I twisted it he would say, 'just don't take them out; let them lock.'

I was not familiar with SLs at the time, and I knew organic locks were not what I wanted and I knew that if I just left my twists in and let them do what came naturally, I would not have a look that pleased me. But it was nice to know that I was in a long-term relationship with a man who not only accepted locks and could get used to them if he had to, but who admired them and encouraged me to start them. I knew that whenever I was ready, he would be 100% supportive.

There was so much security in that knowledge, but I decided to start my locks several months after our relationship ended and I experienced a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty about how locks might hinder my attempts to find a new love.

I said I was single when I started my locks, which isn't entirely accurate.

I was kinda/sorta in a quasi/semi/almost relationship at the time, but it wasn't serious enough that his opinion could have swayed me. (Once I made my decision, my decision was made.) I discussed my decision with him, so he wouldn't be surprised, and because I wanted to know his thoughts, but I was going to do it! He was uncertain about how they would look, but I think he was really just mirroring my own insecurities. (Incidentally, he loved them!)

I just told him about the process, I didn't even show him pictures because I didn't know what they would look like.

I knew I looked at other women's and said: I hope mine look like hers, and it would have been disappointing if they looked totally different.

I didn't want him seeing someone else's and having the same reaction.

I didn't want him to have anything to compare it to. I just wanted him to see mine and love them.

It worked. He did.

But our very fledgling relationship was so 'not set' and barely established, I was pretty sure that it wouldn't stick. So I was pretty certain I would be truly and completely single fairly soon after my SL installation, and I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it long and hard. That is: what will men think?

Will I get less attention? Will I not attract the same type of man that I used to? What will I do if I meet someone who wants me to take them out? (OK, that was an easy one, but I thought about how that WOULD change my perception of him.)

What if an otherwise good man who would otherwise be attracted to me (with straight hair or curly hair) decided not to approach me because I had locks?

As much as I have loved my natural hair for all of these years, there was a lot of comfort in being able to wear it loose and straight or loose and curly.

It was kind of a safety clause.

I find my own attitude strange as I look back on it now. Even though I didn't want to be with anyone who didn't like me with natural hair, I guess I kind of liked having the ability to 'bait and switch.'

**My goodness!!! That sounds so devious and underhanded. I never thought of it that way at the time. **

God! That sounds awful!!

I never wore straight hair specifically to be more appealing to men. I wore straight hair because I wanted to at the time. It's another look I like. But it's true that even men who thought they wouldn't like my natural hair, and said they wouldn't have approached me with twists or a 'fro, actually did like it once I changed it back.

And all complaints always centered around length. It was never the actual style they didn't like, but y'all know...natural hair shrinks. I think it's safe to say that it is a fact that most men like longer hair, not even most AA men. MOST men.

In any case, in spite of all of my former doubts, fears, and misgivings of any sort, I have to say that I am completely happy with my decision to lock. Sisterlocks are one of the best investments I have ever made and one of the best gifts I have ever given myself.

I have absolutely no regrets!

More Pics...and Must Reads

For those of you starting online Sisterlock Research, here are a few blogs I suggest you read from beginning to end: Blaqkofi, Brunsli, Creyole, and Maryee. These women are excellent bloggers and have been through all manner of experiences with their hair. Their posts and comments are incredibly enlightening. If you're wondering what to expect on your personal journey to SL Freedom, visiting their sites will give you a good idea, and a well-rounded knowledge base. (Plus, they're amazing women you'll want to know better!)

And I can't ever get enough of pictures that showcase the beauty and versatility of Sisterlocks!

Cammalocks, Coils 'N Curls, Naturally Yours Boutique.

Enjoy these links!

On Making the Decision to Lock (Part 2)

I have previously stated that it is my mission to include insights and resources that helped me along the way. When I was making the decision to lock I wanted to find blogs that started before women started their locks. Because it is a different perspective.

It has been my observation that the overwhelming majority of women who get Sisterlocks are happy with their decision, with the exception of those who did not do enough research (and therefore had unclear or unreasonable expectations) and those who unfortunately got step-sisterlocks or had some other type of bad experience with their consultant or trainee.

And in one way it is reassuring, but in another way it is intimidating. I remember one blogger saying she felt like Sisterlocks were based on some sort of pyramid scheme and another saying that there seemed to be a cult-like enthusiasm in the community of online Sisterlockers. Before you actually get SLs of your own, it can be hard to wrap your head around how and why so many people are so excited about them.

Even if you have decided that SLs or other types of locks are for you, there is usually some element of uncertainty about how they will look or what people will say. As I am continuing to discover more blogs, I am encountering a surprising number of women who decided to get SLs without ever having seen them in person. That in itself makes it very difficult to know what to expect. There are just so many questions and unknown variables.

So...I think it is good to have a view from both sides. I liked reading blogs of the women who had not yet 'crossed over' because I found that I could identify more with their fears and insecurities than with the women who had found their way to Sisterlock freedom and were thrilled with their choice.

This is an excerpt from my first post:

"Everyone tells their story looking back from the day or the week or the month they started locking their hair. Or perhaps with the confidence and experience (and objectivity) of years. Maybe her story is out there and I have not found it yet (I am reluctant to believe that I am the first), but I am looking for the sister whose story starts before she got her locks done, when she was still as uncertain as I am now. When she still could turn back.

"I have seen many posted replies and inquiries from those who have not yet committed, but every blog I have encountered until now has begun after she started on her journey towards locked hair."

Since then, I have encountered several blogs that predate the authors' installations. I thought it would be helpful to others who feel as I did to have them all in one place. I have only come across a few as of now, but I will be adding to this list one by one. If you are contemplating locks and happen to read this and would like for me to add your blog to this list, or if your locks (and blogs) are established, but fit this criteria, feel free to post a comment or email me at the address to the right.

I am toying with the idea of adding a page element with links to these blogs, but I want to see how many I get. I already have a lot of stuff on my sidebar and I don't want it to get too out of control. Fortunately most of my posts are kind of long, so there's usually plenty of room.

The links that follow will take you to posts at the beginning of their journeys (although not necessarily the very first post): Ms Stella, Sis. RJQueen10, CloudNine, Goodnapps.

Not SLs, but still relevant: Jaidalon

And this is a link I found that offers Dreadlock Tips and Guidelines. The information is not specific to Sisterlocks, but it gives good answers to FAQs about locks. I decided to include this link because sometimes in the early stages of researching SLs, it is easy to lose sight of the characteristics they have in common with traditional locks.

On Making the Decision to Lock (Part 1)

I was reading Cashana's blog and encountered a statement she made that I liked so much, I asked for her permission to repost it here.

She said, "What I am noticing is that if you are uncomfortable with your locks from the beginning you will feel like that for the entire process, unless you embrace the uniqueness and not compare your hair to someone else's. Locking one's hair is not a decision to be made on the fly. You need to do your research and do an inner search and know within yourself this is the path you are willing to follow. Whether others accept it or not, you have to be able to stand TALL regarding your decision to wear Sisterlocks.

"Even if you feel you have to wear a wig those first couple of weeks, when you can walk with that, 'I don't care what you think, I look good,' swagger you will be glad you can wear your Sisterlocks with pride and strength. What I have noticed from being on the group - I lurk, never respond -is that if the ladies don't do a lot of research and get the locks, they are not happy with them for a multitude of reasons.

"Reading their questions makes me wonder how much time did they put into researching and thinking about the entire process of locking. From the decision to lock, to your consultant, scheduling, maintenance, costs, styling and much more are reasons to really think about it before you lock. For example if I hadn't liked my consultant from the initial phone calls and the meetings, I would have not had Sisterlocks, because I would need to deal with whether I wanted to travel to maintain them. "


...Girl, I could not have said it better myself. It makes me sad to read about women who are not happy with their Sisterlocks, and I think you're right about why. I've thought the same thing. Deciding to lock your hair is up there with other life-altering events like deciding to move or to change careers or quit a job and purchasing a car or deciding to begin or end a long-term relationship....Not to be taken lightly at all. Things you wouldn't dream of doing without some degree of planning and introspection.

I think that is part of why the Sisterlocks motto is: It's not a hairstyle, it's a lifestyle." It's to make you stop and think. Starting and maintaining locks is not like getting braids or twists. It's not even like doing the big chop. If you don't like a hairstyle, you grow it out if it's a cut or color. If it's braids or weave, you take it out. If you're tired of your long hair or your relaxed hair, you cut it off and start over. All of which are options too, if you don't like your locks, but the process of growing and maintaining locks is not a quick fix. I think some people don't stop to think about it.

It is a journey that you embark on. It helps to have guidance and some idea of what you will encounter along the way. You do need to look inside yourself and determine if you have what it takes within to make it successfully and happily. And I'm all about inner strength and self-confidence too, but you need to have somebody in your life who is happy for you and supports your decision. You can get by without it, but it is so much more difficult.

Like I have said before and will say again: your level of satisfaction depends on your original expectations.

Cashana said, "Locking one's hair is not a decision to be made on the fly."

So true! I started this round of SL research at the tail end of January and two weeks later had made my decision to get them, so it would seem that I made up my mind quickly. But I had been considering locks on and off for about ten years. And I am so glad I didn't get them sooner. I know from my own 'inner search' that I was not ready before now.

On the importance of liking your consultant...

You must feel like you trust your consultant. You must be able to communicate with her and feel comfortable asking questions and discussing your concerns. This is more vital than mere words can convey.

My first introduction to SLs was exactly 2.5 years ago, in late November of 2004. I met a young woman with them while I was on a cruise. Hers were beautiful. She directed me to the official site, and I read up on them but I still just really wanted to talk to someone - an expert who could answer my questions. I needed more information than was provided on the site. I needed live feedback. That's what a consultant is for, right? Root word: consult. Definition: 1) to give professional or expert advice; 2) to seek guidance or information from.

The acquaintance from the cruise (who was the friend of a friend and lived about an hour away from me ) gave me the name of her stylist. The woman who was currently doing her retites was not the one who did her install. She'd had those done on the West Coast. In retrospect, I think the stylist was probably a trainee. The more I think about it now, I'm not certain she was even that. I know I got her number off the Internet, but it may not have come from the official site. My friend may have given me the name of the shop and the stylist's name and I figured out the rest for myself.

I know there are people out there who have picked up the technique from various places without having learned the customer service aspects that are taught at the seminars. If she had taken the class it seems like she would have tried to be more reliable and helpful. Her name and shop are not listed now, so either she didn't certify or re-certify, or she never was an approved consultant/trainee.

In any case I called and immediately got the impression that she was a flake. She was primarily a braider who worked out of a braiding salon. Ok, no issues there...but every time I called, no matter what time of day for two weeks, she wasn't there. Even when I was told she would be in at a certain hour and I'd call back, she wouldn't be there. Even though I left messages, she never returned them. I finally just caught her one day at random.

And then what? She didn't want to answer any of my questions over the phone. She just wanted me to make an appointment and bring $100 for my deposit. Now, I understand that a consultant can't answer certain questions without seeing your hair. However, questions like, "when is the best time to visit your shop?" and "how long have you been doing Sisterlocks?" do not fall into that category. She worked in a city 2 hours away. I didn't want to take the day off from work and drive that far only to decide we didn't click at all...or for her not to show up, so I was trying to feel her out a bit over the phone before I made an appointment and put down my non-refundable deposit.

Now, I never spoke to her again and maybe she was 'goin' thew sum thangs' at the time...I do not know, but the negativity of that experience was 50% of the reason I didn't get Sls at that time. There really wasn't anybody in my area to do them and help me maintain. I would have driven to her city because it was only 2 hours away and I had friends that I could visit. Retightening sessions would have been a good opportunity to day trip, meet for lunch, maybe have a girl's night out.

All the other consultants (all 3 or 4) that were remotely close were 3 and 4 hours away and in cities I didn't really care to visit every 6 weeks. Plus, the experience with the braider was just so negative and I still had a lot of unanswered questions. Those factors combined with my own doubts just discouraged me completely.

If I had liked her, or been able to find someone else nearby, I really think I would have started my locks then, but it's just as well. I don't feel like I lost anything, and I have no regrets because I was still enjoying my natural hair and it was healthy. (I did have one incident with a texturizer and another with a box of hair color in the meantime, but now those are neither here nor there.) I don't feel like I was limited or oppressed by my hairstyling options and routines. And I feel like I appreciate my locks more now than I would have then.

I have said before that I am not sure I will keep them for life (for some years, definitely, but I'm not yet 30 and I expect to live a long time so who knows?), but I feel like I am more likely to keep them for longer having started them now than if I had started them then. (Sorry about the weird grammar...I teach and tutor English and I am appalled at my own sentence structure as I blog sometimes. Egads!)

But I was saying that I was discouraged because I couldn't find a consultant nearby who could answer my questions and allay my fears. I brought some of those same doubts and questions with me this time. The difference was that between the research I was able to do online and the patience/guidance of my consultant, I was able to resolve most of my issues and feel very confident about my decision.