Saturday, February 3, 2007
My sisters with natural hair, I am reaching out to you for encouragement. I have been reading your blogs for a week now. Obsessively, really. I am contemplating Sisterlocks and I discovered your circle while looking for pictures. I have learned so much from you all. I will tell my complete hairstory eventually , but for now I just wanted to start this blog.
Everyone tells their story looking back from the day or the week or the month they started locking their hair. Or perhaps with the confidence and experience (and objectivity) of years. Maybe her story is out there and I have not found it yet, I am reluctant to believe that I am the first, but I am looking for the sister who's story starts before she got her locks done when she was still as uncertain as I am now. When she still could turn back.
I have seen many posted replies and inquiries from those who have not yet committed, but every blog I have encountered until now has begun after she started on her journey towards locked hair.
I know that I want to try Sisterlocks, but I am afraid of a lot of things that I will talk about later. I have a lot of uncertainty and apprehension, but I know that I will get them done because I also have a lot of curiosity. And my curiosity is beginning to be greater and stronger than my apprehension. Perhaps some of you understand this? Perhaps some of you remember what this felt like.
I feel comfortable in this space, saying that I am uncertain and afraid because I have seen how nurturing you are to each other. And I'll say it: I know I am an interloper, but I want some of the love. There seems to be plenty to go around. And I know I have a lot to give, so, I would like to be a part of your group.
Just so you know a little about me up front, I am a natural, free-spirited, artistic type. I did the big chop 10 years ago when I realized at the age of 19 that I was completely out of touch with my natural hair texture. I honestly did not know what kind of hair grew on my head. Like so many of us, I was only acquainted with the new growth that was "resistant" and "unruly."
In the years since, I have learned to love my hair and respect it, to work with it and not against it, and I must say, it has treated me well. It is strong and beautiful and healthy and versatile. I get compliments on it all the time, whether I am wearing it braided or free or two-strand twisted or flat-ironed and flipped.
The first chance I get, I will post pics and an explanation of why I want Sisterlocks and what I am afraid of, but for now I wanted to introduce myself, because I will need a little hand-holding and encouragement. I know I want to lock my hair. I know in my heart that I want to. I have a deep longing to join the revolution. I have had that longing for years, but certain things have held me back. Things that I am sure you all can identify with. I am sure because I have read so many of your words that could have been my own.
There are a lot of people with locks who have strong opinions on how one with locks should carry oneself, and how we should speak of our decision. There is an unspoken rule that you should never express doubt or dismay. You should never want what you don't have (be it different length or different texture or different reaction to the criticism and prejudice you are bound to encounter somewhere along the way). And sometimes the confidence and self-righteousness are alienating. I would like to join your group because I have seen how non-judgmental you all are. You are not afraid to say: "I don't like my hair today." Or, "I wish it looked like hers."
You don't see those statements as signs of low self-esteem or as betrayal to the cause. I like that and I need that as I find my way. So, please, welcome me into the fold.
5/30/07 - This post was originally addressed to the ladies in DFW because I was simply amazed at the support and affirmation they gave each other. I loved reading how they planned events and gatherings. I noticed there were a few others in different geographical locations; there were Leighann and Brunsli and CloudNine to name a few. At the time I had no idea about the LHBE or the many other bloggers I found by reading posted comments.
It has been a wonderful experience for me to discover so many intelligent, creative, beautiful black women who are connected - even though most of us have not met - through this common experience of deciding to lock our hair.