Wanderlust: Part 3

I have several friends who have done (or are doing) missionary work in other countries all over the world, and I have always been fascinated. There are many reasons I have thought that it was a fine and noble endeavor, but not something I could really see for myself. (Taking a vow of poverty and living in an African or Latin American country for an undefined amount of time, perhaps never to return to life in the States is a huge commitment/sacrifice.) I have posted before about the fact that I am admittedly a material girl who loves her creature comforts.

However, I have always loved teaching people. I have always loved languages and words. (I have actually read a few dictionaries and several volumes of several encyclopedias. Just because I went through this phase when I was between 13 and 15 when I wanted to know everything! Dating myself, but it was before the Internet was like it is today.) I grew up in a home where there were always books and my parents encouraged me to study everything that interested me including the Bible.

I've always wanted to combine my love of teaching (and learning) with my wanderlust and gypsy ways and appetite for adventure. I have thought of going to a foreign country for an extended volunteer vacation of anywhere from 3 - 18 months. I have toyed with the idea of doing this since I was about 15. I've lost sight of the goal very many times in my adult life, but I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit it.

I would definitely need to rearrange my finances and tie up some other loose ends, so I am at least a year away from being able to make it happen, but it is certainly a goal worth working toward. And, although this is not my main reason for doing it, I believe what Renea said: That I will meet the man for me while living the life I want.

I always wondered what I would do with my hair if I did leave the country for more than a couple of weeks. Even when I was a teenager I thought about this. Depending on where I chose to go, I knew that trying to get a relaxer or find someone experienced in styling black hair would be difficult or nearly impossible. That was when I first started to look into alternatives to relaxers and thermal straightening. That was when I decided I would learn what my hair did naturally, while I still had access to knowledgeable stylists and various products.

Now that I have Sisterlocks and have read about the success that many women have had maintaining their own, I am completely confident that once I learn to retighten, I can go anywhere in the world and not worry about what to do with my hair!

Aya suggested that I learn how to install SLs so that I could take the trade with me wherever I go. Aya: Don't think it didn't already cross my mind! I am sure that as my SLs grow and mature they will inspire more compliments and curiosity. If I am in another part of the world and I am maintaining them myself and someone asks: Who does your hair? What are they? or Where can I get them done?, I would hate to have to tell them that I got them done in the states. I maintain them myself and there is no one in the area who can offer the service. I would love to tell them that I maintain my own and I do new Sisterlocks installations.

From all I have read, though it is possible to make your money back (from the cost of the class) you will never get rich doing it and may just squeak by and break even depending on where you're located, so...while it is something to think about, with all of my other long-standing and more immediate goals, that is definitely on the back burner. But I really might do it someday.

And I know you've got to be thinking: So....are you going to a third world country to help the poor, or are you going to an affluent European or Asian country to help yourself?

Umm...Can't I do both? I do, however, need to decide which to pursue first.

I'll keep you posted!

Wanderlust: Part 2

About a month ago I posted about a temporary job assignment in France. I was slightly disappointed that it didn't come together, but, c'est la vie.

Well, yesterday I saw the movie Sicko, by Michael Moore. I agree with Jazmine that people who need to see his movies are those least likely to. He is perpetually preaching to the choir. I knew a lot of what was said also, but it was an eye-opener nonetheless, and humorous, and scary, and sad. I laughed and I cried. Really.

Now I actually want to move to France. Permanently.

Thank You for Your Support

To those who commented on my Wanderlust post: Thank you.

Dstdiva: I have so many other things in common with others in th SL community, I knew I couldn't be alone in this experience.


Carmen: If I do it, you're welcome.


WIP: Girl...I am the O-riginal long-winded commenter! So, if you have something to say about any one of my posts, say it all while you're here.


I did really love him, but I was amazed at how quickly I got over him. (We were together 3 years.) Not that it wasn't intense at first (the heartache and longing), but when I was ready to move on, I was totally ready. And I was surprised at how quickly I got to that point. Within three months. Now, the first two months, three weeks and five days were rough. There were lots of sleepless nights and tearful prayers, but one day I woke up and realized that I was so glad we had parted ways. I realized that it really wasn't meant to be.

One thing I am happy about is the fact that I am already a homeowner, but there are other goals (travel plans, business opportunities, career advancement and continuing education) that I simply neglected because I chose to put US (meaning: him) first. At the time it was okay. I would not mind now if we had stayed together. And we would have stayed together if there had been some reciprocity.

He really had never had anyone help him in the ways I was willing to help him reach his full potential. I didn't mind putting him first as long as I believed we would take turns.


You know how you assume there will be give and take, so you don't mind making sacrifices? But then one day it dawns on you that you're the only one giving? And you're just like: Hold up! Wait a minute!

That's how it went down.


I've always wanted to travel and live (not just visit) in other parts of the world. I actually had plans to teach english in Thailand when we started dating. And I canceled an extended trip to Europe with one of my girls because it conflicted with the ideal dates for our wedding and honeymoon.

I have always been restless. As much as I did love him, the thought of putting down roots here and building the type of life that would not allow us to pick up and move easily if we wanted did not ever appeal to me, and I think it is one of the reasons we eventually split. Nothing against the Carolinas either, but I am not fom here. It is not my home. He was born here. His family is here and he has never lived anywhere else, nor does he desire to.


We had been drifting apart for months and when we sat down and had an honest talk about where our lives were headed and what we really wanted, we saw how many things we didn't see eye to eye on. We want a lot of the same things, but not to the same degree and we have very divergent ideas about the best ways to 'get there'. Neither do we have the same priorities. I am just glad we recognized it on this side of "I do!"

It really is okay.

I really am okay.

I am actually at the point of being glad that we ended it. (This is not at all to say that it didn't hurt. A lot!) But I know it is the best thing and the thing that should have happened.

Here is how I always felt: If you are of a certain age and you have any sort of ambition, you will have individual goals that you are working toward. If you have any sort of standards, you will be attracted to people who also have goals. Chances are those individual goals are not exactly the same. But if you love him and he loves you, then you will support each other in reaching those goals. He will adopt some of yours and you will adopt some of his and the two of you will work toward them together. Granted, some of the individual goals will not fit into your new life, but some of them you would never have reached anyway (life is so short and full of unforeseen occurrences), so it is not a big deal to choose to abandon some of them to choose to do something else with and for the sake of someone you love.

But one day I realized that I was the only one of the two of us who was doing that. He hadn't given up anything. We were going to live the life he always planned for himself. I had made all the adjustments. He had made none. (I am usually suspicious of all or nothing statements like this, but he would tell you himself that this is true.) I thought it was an oversight. You know how you just get into a rut? Sometimes you fall into patterns of behavior and decision-making without realizing.

So, I brought it to his attention. He was unwilling or unable to change.

And so it ended.

Sigh...Wanderlust...(0% about my hair)

Well, maybe 1%...

I have got to leave the country. I don't even know why. (Well...yes I do, but that is a very long and very involved story.)

I met some truly amazing people while I was gone, one of whom was Stacey. Stacey is a Jamaican living in South Florida who taught English in Japan. WoW! How awesome is that?

I want to go to Japan.

No, really. It doesn't even have to be Japan, just not the U.S.!!!

Nothing against the U.S. I just need a change. A really big change. A bigger change than I am likely to find living here. It's just a stage of life/change of circumstance type thing. You see, I was engaged, and now I'm not. Need I say more?

So... I want to get away from all things familiar and start over with everything, completely reinventing myself from the inside out. I want to pursue every dream I deferred while WE were together, and attain every goal I could or would not have, had WE gotten married. To make up for the dreams that died (of making OUR home and having OUR babies) and the goals that never will be reached (like buying OUR first home and OUR plans to 'make good' so we could help those less fortunate).

I made myself stop loving him and I managed to stop wanting him, but now I can't stop myself from wanting to distance myself from everything that would have been OUR life!

The 1%: If I leave the country for real, then I have to learn to retighten my hair before I go. I doubt there are Sisterlock consultants in Japan or Latin America.