Wednesday, February 22, 2012

My How Things Change!!


I realized that I haven't posted in forever and a day. I had no idea when was the last time I had written anything at all. I just knew it had been an extremely long time.

Nine months ago. Wow! Okay...

I'm still going through lots and lots of changes associated with the adjustments that came with moving and marriage.

I say again: I love my husband and I'm so glad we're together. I really have found the kind of love that I have been looking for my entire adult life. Our relationship is very good. I'm satisfied and happy, but it has nonetheless been challenging.

The changes associated with my marriage have been murder on my professional life, and not at all because of my husband. He has always been completely supportive of my entrepreneurial leanings. Really and truly I have failed to be more productive because of a combination of factors, some beyond my control and some that fall squarely on my own shoulders.

I was running a business that was very local and very dependent on relationships and referrals and word-of-mouth. It is the kind of business that you can pick up and take with you, but you really do have to start over from scratch - networking and meeting people face-to-face, cold-calling, etc.

I was on fire to do these things when I started my business in Greenville. I was under 30 and newly out of a failed relationship and I had just left a dead-end job that I hated and I really threw myself into it. I was extremely motivated and felt like I had something to prove. I also felt like I had to make up for time lost while I was with a man who didn't support my goals.

Well, 2008 was a tough year to start a real-estate centered business venture. I survived, but it took a lot of work and by 2010 when I started dating my now-husband, I was already burned out and losing the love for my business simply because of the extraordinary amounts of time and energy required to keep it afloat. But I still felt incredibly optimistic, like I was just one big break or one small advantage away from the success and recognition that I know I am capable of. I was going to turn that all-important corner.

However, I'll admit that dating was a huge distraction. Largely because we were conducting a long-distance relationship. Thousands and thousands of miles and several time zones long-distance, not just-across-the-state-line or just-down-the-interstate long-distance like I had done in the past.

This meant lots of lost sleep for me and embarrassing as it is to admit as a 30-something: lots of time lost daydreaming about what it would be like when we could finally be together full-time.

I'll be the first to admit that I did not work my business like I needed to for the final 3 months of our 6 month courtship. Once I knew that he intended to marry me and I intended to say yes (about 3 months in) I really slacked off on my marketing. Not entirely.

I honored all of my contracts and existing obligations. I even attempted to expand and acquire new clients, but mine is a business where aggressive follow-up is essential and I just didn't do it.

I was planning our wedding and trying to lose weight and thinking about where we would live and how we would consolidate and combine our households. As regards the business, there just came a point where my heart wasn't in it.

So when it came time to move, I was in no position mentally, emotionally, or financially to transition my business to the new location.

And, while we were dating, my husband promised me that I wouldn't have to work unless I wanted to.

Of course, I want to. Why wouldn't I? I love what I do! I said.


Turns out, I kind of like being a homemaker.

I'm not an idle wife whose days are filled with spa treatments and massages and shopping, but I have spent a large part of the past year setting up our first home, looking for our second apartment (and now scouting our third place, which I'm hoping will be a house for purchase now that I know we intend to stay in the area), merging and managing our finances, coordinating projects with family members, supporting my husband in his career and helping him adjust to the cross-country move, as well as trying to work on various things I never had time for while I was running my business full-time.

Unfortunately, my weight is up again and I'm struggling with that too, so I've devoted quite a bit of time in my weekly schedule to weight-loss efforts.

As independent as I am and always was, I have to say that it is nice to be in a place where I don't have to do it all on my own, where I'm with someone who wants to take care of me and I am perfectly fine with letting him.

I recently read this blog post that I could really identify with.

The Soft Campaign

I love being able to ask him to take out the trash and change the light bulbs and load the luggage into the car and pump the gas and put together the self-assembly furniture. All things I can and did do myself for years and years, but now that I don't have to, Oh-my-goodness! I love it!

And he likes having his laundry done and home-cooked meals, and automatic bill-payment and errands run. It is definitely traditional and what some people would consider old-fashioned, but I don't mind at all. It's a really comfortable place to be for me.

I intend to re-establish my business eventually because I did love the work and the earning potential. I had a lot of good times, but having this time when I can focus on him and us has really been a blessing and a privilege.

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