On Sisterlocks Vanity

A while back Woman In Process posted about how locks make you egotistical. And it is so true!

I feel like I must spend 10 - 30 minutes a day staring at my own locks in the mirror...well, not every day, but when I start I just can't stop. I get kind of mesmerized with them, making note of changes and admiring the texture.

They are changing yet again. I'm noticing that the pattern is becoming less defined in some of my locks, and while they are not swelling or getting puffy, they are thickening and gaining density. I really like them exactly the size they are now, so I hope they don't get very much larger in diameter, only heavier and denser, so I have less fluffiness and flyaways. A few of my ends have sealed.

I have the hardest time getting good detail shots and closeups, so I don't have any pics of the changes. I haven't really had time to experiment with my camera and set up the shots the way I want.

I notice how many Sisterlockers use words like love affair, lovely, and adoration to describe their locks and how they feel about them. Many of their user names and blog titles reflect this relationship they have with their hair!

It's amazing isn't it?

I look in the mirror so many times and think: Wow! I really love my hair! It's so beautiful! It feels so good! This is so wonderful!

I always think and speak about it in gushing, glowing terms and superlatives. I have to contain myself when speaking to people without locks who have only a casual curiosity lest they think I am just so full of myself and completely narcissistic, but I know you all in the blogosphere know what I'm talking about, right?

Does the high accompanying this infatuation ever wear off? I suppose the love deepens and grows, eh?

For Aya

Now this post with pics is especially for Aya because she had the blues a few weeks ago. Some of her locks are shorter than others and this was cause for concern.

I posted a comment saying that I have several locks that are much shorter than all the rest, but I don't think anyone would notice unless I pointed them out and I am sure the same is true of hers. We notice such details ourselves, but other people tend to focus on the larger picture.

Notice the picture of me, above. My locks appear to be the same size and length, right?

Ok, now check these out!

The first few locks on either side of my center part reach my lips, then three locks over I have this one that is barely long enough to reach my eyebrow.

Then, next to that one, I have this one that's even shorter. It's barely 2 inches long!

And because that guy is short, I wake up some mornings and he's sticking straight out like my index finger here. He just wants to stand up and be counted. I hear a little voice in my head saying: I am! Somebody! (Then I find a bobby and pin him into submission. A few hours of that and he's usually less assertive.)

Next to my lock with the Napoleon complex I have this one. It's long enough, but if you look at it closely you can tell that the last 3 inches or so are really straight. I'm pretty certain that hair won't ever lock and as the hair closer to the root gets thicker, the difference in texture will become even more evident. It looks almost like a relaxed end. I could cut it now, but it's right next to the other one and I don't feel like dealing with two delinquents so close together. When I wear my hair forward, you can't tell it's straight like that, and when I pin it back the length comes in handy.

And, finally, I have all these little pockets of new growth; hair that has grown in since my locks were started. You can see that it is short and fine and straight, so it doesn't like to stay in the locks to which it has been assigned. It slips out. If I didn't have those guys, I could probably go another two weeks between retightenings, but they start to act up at week 5, grabbing on to other locks, trying to marry and obscure my parts.

So....there you have it, now you know my secrets.

My Sisterlocks experience has been such smooth sailing until now. I haven't had any issues with my locks that have caused me great concern and sometimes I wonder if it seems like I am painting too pretty a picture. I wonder if anyone reading thinks: "She's got to be having some problems; she's just not telling us!" I do feel like my locks are fairly close to perfect. There are so many problems other people had that I worried might happen to me, but so far, so good. However, as you can see, my locks are not without imperfections, and issues that need to be addressed, but it's all part of the process.

Opinions are Like...

Ok, so now that I completed my redesign, my new mission is to revisit blogs I formerly wanted to comment on. And I find that my perspective has changed.

Three things are different.

1) I actually have Sisterlocks of my own, so many of my opinions are no longer theoretical/hypothetical. They are based on the facts of my own experience.


2) I've done done it now...So when I read comments and observations of ladies who say they wish they had or hadn't made certain choices and/or established certain habits, even though part of me goes, "Oops...um, I didn't think about that..." In most cases it doesn't matter. I've started this journey and there is no turning back.


3) I'm reading the comments more thoroughly. The first time through I concentrated mainly on the posts by the blog authors. I usually didn't read the comments unless the original poster posed a question or solicited advice or opinions.

...And I'm just amazed at the diversity of opinions (in a totally non-judgemental way).

For example, I went back and read Creyole's posts about her parts. Personally, I sort of liked the zig-zaggy parts. I thought they had character, but I completely understand all of her reasons for wanting to change them, not the least of which was wanting to get what she paid for when she decided on Sisterlocks.


One of the main differences between going to a certified consultant or trainee and going to a sistergirl around the corner with a Nappylocks tool or starting your locks with braids and other methods is the emphasis on precise parting. You aren't just paying for the pattern (because that part of the process is not so unique and really isn't a secret that cannot be very easily discovered.) You are paying for a standard that all consultants and trainees are supposed to adhere to and care about and be accountable for.

I also read this post by blackluvdmom . (This has been sitting in draft limbo for a while, but I decided to finish it and post it for real after seeing this post by dstdiva. She was a little unhappy about her parts.)

When I used to do my own two-strand twists, I never worried about precision parts all over. I did always have a straight center part and I made a few straight rows on either side of it, so it would "fall right" on top and I could neatly switch sides or twist it back. And I did continue the center part down to my nape, so that if I wanted to wear two pigtails or puffs, I could, but beyond that, I would just grab what felt like an appropriate amount of hair to make a twist and go. It already took me a minimum of three hours to do and I felt like just wasn't worth the extra time and the extra step of using clips to hold it back - especially when I was going to take it down and start over in two or three weeks.

Which I understand is one of the differences with SLs and why extremely exact parting is more important to some. You will not take them down in a few weeks. You may very well have them for the rest of your life and for a period of some years at the very least. Neatness does matter more. The parts are essential to being able to achieve certain styles. They are vital to the oft-mentioned versatility that sets SLs apart.

How I Feel About My Parts

I feel differently about my hair because it is so thick you can't see the parts anyway (except on the very top - even the day of my retightening) and I almost always freestyle. I have a center and side parts, but you can see I wear my hair on both sides of the part and there are even a few locks going straight back. It's always crazy on top because I run my hands through my hair about a thousand times a day!

None of this is to say that I think that neatness and precision don't matter at all. I would be upset about my own hair if it seemed like my consultant had made no attempts at parting and gone at it like I did when I twisted my own - just grabbing pieces at random and working the pattern in. One reason you pay someone else is because they can see to do a better job than you can. You are paying for their experience and expertise! The Sisterlocks method you are paying for includes the parts and not just the pattern.

In looking at hundreds of pictures, I have seen some variance in the neatness of parts, but, sometimes the difference is a matter of slight degree. Like: good, better, best. I do admire parts like BLM has. Wow! They are amazing! But I certainly don't think that others that are less precise are so awful they must be taken down and redone! Mine are not that perfect (per my own request) and I love them all the same!

Thicker/denser hair is inherently harder to part and keep parted. I requested slightly irregular parts (in the middle towards the back where my hair grows thickest; those parts may never see the light of day).

1) Because I felt like Brunsli (she posted the first comment on Creyole's post about her parts). I prefer the organic quality of a little messiness to the cultivated quality of grids and rows. On my own head! I don't dislike it on the heads of others. And because of what I needed to do to get the overall look I wanted. Having less regular parts helped break up the layers a little so there seemed to be less severity to them. It kept my hair from looking really terraced. I wanted my layers to look a little less even.

I am very familiar with the different textures of hair on my head. If my consultant had gone through using a regular grid pattern making each part into rows that lined up vertically and horizontally, I would have ended up with a lot of super-skinny, terribly fine, scrawny-kinky twisties that would have tangled on the ends, but taken forever to bud and lock. I know this is true.

I would not have been happy with my locks for a long time.

So, in the places where I knew that would happen, I asked her to make those parts larger. That is why I had instantly full looking locks. Those same places on my head that would have looked sickly and weak look healthy and fat. (There is strength in numbers.) But, of course, my hair doesn't differ in texture in a square or gridded pattern. So, if you looked very closely at my head, you would notice that my parts are larger behind my ears and at my nape, but smaller at the crown and tapering down towards my nape. They are also larger on the top.

It doesn't look like she went in willy-nilly without a care. It's more like I have several sets of grids, some larger and some smaller. And since heads are round and not cubed and hairlines are irregular and not straight, it would have been a terrible headache to ask my consultant to line up all of the various groups of grids so that they matched and made perfect rows that were horizontally and vertically symmetrical. I knew this from my own knowledge of parting and braiding my hair and others.

It just wasn't worth the time and tedium IMO. So, I made the choice to sacrifice the exact parts for the overall look I wanted. My locks look more uniform due to the variance in size I requested than they would have if all the parts were sized and spaced to line up with each other.

And 2) Because my hair is like Jen describes hers to be in the very next comment on the same post by Creyole. For some strange reason it is resistant to parts.

Have you ever watched someone walk through a field of wheat or wildflowers? You notice how the vegetation parts just in the space that their body occupies and then closes immediately behind them as if they never passed that way? That's how my hair is. I guess it has to do with the density. And stylists always tell me that my scalp is springy and spongy. I've never had anyone do my hair and not comment on the phenomenon of how it won't stay parted unless you tie it down with millions of metal clips. (Okay, so that was an exaggeration - but it really does take dozens!)

I'm sure it's good advice for most, but if my consultant had parted my whole head before she started and had to keep moving clips and reparting, we would have been at it for hours longer (which I didn't want - to sit for or pay for - with my 7 - 10 inches of thick natural hair). Not that I didn't think it was worth it if I believed they would stay, but again, like Jen says, my hair grows in a way that obscures parts anyway.

I have all sorts of little tufts of new growth between the rows that are making my once very straight parts a little wavy. So, it was just like: why bother when they will only be exposed perhaps 7 scattered days out of 365?

That having been said: my parts on top are perfect. I stressed this point because I am short. I am only 5', so everyone sees the top of my head all day long - even other short people! It is no joke that the top of my head needs to look right!

Ok?

Ok!

I have a great center part and straight parts on either side of it. Even though the rest of my hair is resistant to parting, I think that hair is trained to obey from years of parting it the same way. Whether I was wearing my hair straightened or twisted, I usually had a center, left, or right part. And, like I did for myself when I was twisting, I made sure to get a straight part down the center from my forehead to my nape.

And all of those things make my situation different. I requested larger more irregular parts. I made choices. I knew how my hair would behave, and what I was sacrificing by not getting precise parts. (Sacrifice: giving up something of value for something of greater value.) I valued fatter, stronger locks over straighter parts that I might cornrow once every blue moon.

I communicated my desires to my consultant. To her credit, she was a little apprehensive about doing what I asked, because, truth be told, neither one of us really knew how it would turn out. Her name and reputation were on the line. She didn't want to spend hours on my head for me to end up unhappy and want them redone or, worse, end up bad-mouthing her all over town and on the Internet. That's why I always give her praise, because she took a chance by listening to me.

I promised that I wouldn't blame her if I didn't get the results I wanted and I would shut up and pay whatever she asked if they didn't turn out right and needed to be fixed. But she didn't know that this was true. I knew that I was asking for the unconventional, and what I thought I knew about my hair might not have been true as applied to Sisterlocks. So, it was a huge leap of faith for me too.

That is part of the reason I love my locks so much now! I am so happy they turned out as well as they did! The choices I made could have gone all kinds of wrong on all kinds of levels. For example if I'd run into a lazy consultant who didn't care about her work, who knows what I would have? Although my parts don't line up perfectly top to bottom and side to side, they do within each little mini-grid, and I'm glad for that.

They might not have turned out well if I had my SLs installed by someone who didn't see eye to eye with me as I was explaining my hair texture and why I wanted a non-traditional installation. Or, if she had been the type of person who merely 'heard me out' without listening and taking it in because she knew from the beginning she would do her own thing anyway. That is why I feel so thankful to have found the consultant that I did at the time that I did.

However, I know I would feel differently about everything if my irregular parts were the result of laziness or someone going at it quickly to make a quick buck or having then installed by someone who really didn't know what they were doing. Even if I went to a consultant who installed my Sisterlocks the way they are, without discussing it with me before hand and securing my consent, I would be upset. What I chose to do makes sense to me because I thought of it, but if it was given to me as an explanation after the fact when I came back asking: why are my parts not straighter?....I would be skeptical.

My installation is done. It doesn't matter to me what anyone says to me in the future about my locks or my parts because I got what I wanted. I got what I asked for, and I got what I paid for.

How Do You Feel About Your Parts?

I am really interested. I would appreciate if you would leave your thoughts on them here. And if you have already posted on the subject, please leave me a link or tell me where I can find it on your blog.

My Opinions

I always know all of what I'm thinking in my own head, (don't we all) but I realize that when I post I don't always convey the entire context. (This becomes most evident to me when I go back and read comments.) That is part of the reason my posts and comments are so long (I'm trying to provide context) but I don't always say enough. (Hard to believe there's more, right?)

So, this is to clarify my comments on parts and perfect locks, etc.


I don't think anyone who is unhappy with their parts or their locks should settle: especially if the issues they are having are the result of a less than skillful installation. When all of us with SLs chose to go to a certified Sisterlocks consultant, there was an implied level of skill, experience, and expertise.



We should not have to ask for straight parts or proper lock sizes or feel like we have to worry about whether they will select the proper pattern. We should be able to trust that all of these things will be done to our satisfaction. However, if we have questions about these things and how they relate to the process and the end result, they should be able to answer them to our satisfaction without becoming either vague or defensive. That is part of what we are paying for.

I had a lot to say to my consultant because I wanted what I have termed non-traditional Sisterlocks. There were elements of the SL process that I wanted to incorporate into my locks, and others I didn't. I felt much more comfortable going to a Sisterlocks consultant and asking her to bend the rules for me than going to a traditional loctitian (without SL training) and asking her to try to imitate SLs. And that was just a matter of preference.



I have since seen many pictures of other types of locks and followed blogs of people who started with other methods that made me think I could have gone another route and been just as pleased. (Still lovin' my SLs though!) Just no disrepect to the sisters who started with braidlocks, nappylocs, and other methods. The last thing I want to do is come across sounding like a Sisterlocks snob!

Perfect Locks

I agree with Carmen that perfect locks are an oxymoron. I think (and this is very much a personal opinion) that the idea that our locks must all be the same size and length and precisely parted and exactly cylindrical and so on is a carry-over from when we were wearing our hair braided or relaxed or otherwise straightened. And I don't mean that statement with condemnation or condescension. But as for me, when I decided to start my locks, I decided to leave all of that behind.

You see, I am inherently, unavoidably a perfectionist about most things in my life. You can read about how I obsessed about lock size (or see labels at right) prior to getting my SLs installed.

Y'all just don't understand how much I worried about it and thought about it and researched about it and pestered my consultant about it. I look back now and feel like it was completely ridiculous. (Although I did get exactly the results I wanted and otherwise might not have.)

But I decided then that it would be the last thing I fretted over. I would take every stage of the locking process as it came and enjoy it. I would not worry about my parts or how quickly my buds came and my ends sealed and my locks encased. I would not worry if they changed sizes or the frizzies came to stay. I would not work myself into a fit if I lost locks or some sections of my hair grew faster than others.

I did have to make a conscious decision about it because my natural inclination is to focus on the thing that is not as I would want it to be and try to 'fix it', but I do believe that is contrary to the concepts of locking.

I am not at all trying to imply that I am more enlightened than anyone who has worried over some stage of their locking process. I am only expressing that I had to let go or else I would have made myself crazy and distracted with discontent. I had to realize that to a large degree I had surrendered control and that my hair was/is going to do whatever it is going to do, and there's not much for me to do but watch.

Your thoughts?