Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Sigh...Wanderlust...(0% about my hair)

Well, maybe 1%...

I have got to leave the country. I don't even know why. (Well...yes I do, but that is a very long and very involved story.)

I met some truly amazing people while I was gone, one of whom was Stacey. Stacey is a Jamaican living in South Florida who taught English in Japan. WoW! How awesome is that?

I want to go to Japan.

No, really. It doesn't even have to be Japan, just not the U.S.!!!

Nothing against the U.S. I just need a change. A really big change. A bigger change than I am likely to find living here. It's just a stage of life/change of circumstance type thing. You see, I was engaged, and now I'm not. Need I say more?

So... I want to get away from all things familiar and start over with everything, completely reinventing myself from the inside out. I want to pursue every dream I deferred while WE were together, and attain every goal I could or would not have, had WE gotten married. To make up for the dreams that died (of making OUR home and having OUR babies) and the goals that never will be reached (like buying OUR first home and OUR plans to 'make good' so we could help those less fortunate).

I made myself stop loving him and I managed to stop wanting him, but now I can't stop myself from wanting to distance myself from everything that would have been OUR life!

The 1%: If I leave the country for real, then I have to learn to retighten my hair before I go. I doubt there are Sisterlock consultants in Japan or Latin America.

7 comments:

Dstdiva said...

Wow, well, I will say I can understand! I understand everything you are talking about and feeling. I encourage you to pursue whatever your heart is leading you too do.

Carmen In NC said...

Pick a nice place. I'm looking into becoming like your best internet friend so I can travel to a really nice place and stay there for free when I visit. HAHAHA. Do the right thing! And make sure you keep your head held up high - gosh darnit - you have Sisterlocks to uphold.

WomanInProcess said...

I know exactly where you're coming from... it took me a minute to get myself out of that period where I analyzed the ENTIRE relationship after my engagement broke off. Once I did I started doing and working towards all the things I wanted for myself and not even a year later I'd accomplished things that WE had pushed out into OUR 5 year plan (like purchasing real estate). I'm just over two years out and am much happier than I was when I was in the relationship... it's funny how distance can totally change your perspective.

Anywho, this comment is getting really long and becoming more of a post so I'll wrap it up by saying to take this time to really pursue your goals. It will make you even happier and more self confident than you are now. Men who approach you in the future will sense that which will make weeding out all the Mr. Wrongs even easier.

And I'm with Carmen, I want a bed, couch, or something when I come visit lol.

muslimahlocs said...

sorry to hear...no let me stop right here and change my tone. good for you that you found out before you got married, had babies and become any further invested in the relationship. so now you can move on with your life and God-willing find someone who wants to grow and explore with the new-old you or the old-new you. the world is too big for you to confine yourself the the usa, especially if you need a change of perspective. i know you keep your passport ready...be inspired and GO!

Aya said...

Teaching English in Japan is what my 15 year old wants to do. She loves anything and everything "Japan" Girl, if you were able to learn how to install sl's, you could get something started in Japan of Latin American. Oh yeah!!!!!

n'Drea said...

Fourteen Jamaicans are slated to go to Japan soon to teach English. I've thought about doing that, but then, I'm not a trained teacher, although I have a degree in English.

But, I understand about the wanderlust you've been feeling, (without it relating to your formerly being engaged). More than ever now, my passion is to become a globetrotter. Just need the money to fulfil that dream.

Go for it, girl. Plan, prepare, and then take the plunge.

blackrussian said...

n'drea,

My friend who taught in Japan had her degree in Computer Science. A lot of the companies will train you and help you get TEFL certified; they only require that you have a degree in something. Judging by the work you've done with youth groups, I'm sure you'd be more than qualified.

It's a funny thing, a lot of my friends who are single and about my age were talking about how it's no fun to travel alone, but I am SO in a place where that's what I'm feeling right now. I want to GO exploring and not wait for someone to do it with me. I'm about to turn 30 and I don't want to look back at this time in my life from 35 or 40 and wish I had lived more adventurously and know that the only reason I didn't was because I was waiting for someone else (girlfriend or soulmate) to come along and enjoy it with me.

From now on....until...I am going to just make my plans, and if anyone wants to come along, they're welcome; but I'M GOING to cross destinations off my list and put more stamps in my passport if I have to do it all by my lonesome! And I want my solitude. I want time for self-discovery and introspection. I want to get in touch with who I am and what I want again. I need to redefine my spirituality, recollect my thoughts, and remember what's important, which you can't always do when you're with someone else.