Words to Live By

...Words I live by, anyway. You will notice a recurring theme on my blog. And I feel like it is a principle that applies equally to important choices like making the decision to lock and to frivolous choices like what movie to see on a Saturday night.

How satisfied we are with any decision and its outcome depends largely on our expectations.

I never thought I would have hair down my back and instantly. I didn't even want that. But I do know that my hair grows quickly. So, when I posted about wanting to have more length, it was because I didn't feel like my hair was growing at the rate that I'm used to.

I didn't expect that it would grow longer or faster because I have locks now. My hair was already natural and fast-growing and healthy. If anything, I prepared myself mentally for it to seem shorter. (I tried, anyway.) But, like I said in the previous post, I was tracking my monthly growth by my highlights, and just by feel between retightenings and I thought I would see more. So I was disappointed because I did not see what I expected to see.




My comparison photos have shown me that most of my growth is in the back and on the sides where I can't see it on a daily basis, but it actually is growing at the rate that I expected. So now I am satisfied. Not because my hair is longer - because I am getting the results I expected.

It's still on the shorter side as locks go.





Except when I do this...








Or this...








Yeah. I'm silly. I know it.

.

Entrepreneurial Inspiration #1 - Taryn Rose

Have you heard of Taryn Rose? (read her bio and view a pic)

She left a career as a surgeon to become a seller of shoes. Why?

Here is a quote from Maria Bartiromo's article, 'The Risk Taker', found in the April 2007 issue of Reader's Digest. "Rose found her heart was no longer in medicine. 'I felt like a part of me, the part that loves to learn new things, that likes adventure, would be dying.' "

Now, how many of us can identify with those sentiments? Cluizel and Muslimahlocs come most readily to mind after having recently read their posts about dissatisfaction with their chosen careers, but it seems to be going around. I know they are not the only ones who feel that way. In the six months I have been blogging I have noticed a trend.

If one of us locked bloggers feels a certain way about a thing, chances are 5 of us or 12 of us or 20 of us feel exactly the same way, and that is just the reading I get from those who give feedback by e-mail and leave comments. There is no way to measure how many others read and feel kindred, but make no permanent record of it.

Taryn Rose started with a $200,000 SBA loan in 1998. Today Taryn Rose International is worth $28 million.

The article continues, "Rose realized the only thing stopping her was, 'fear of failure. I could hear my friends and family saying, "Why did you leave a secure job?" If I failed, would I be okay facing them? And I thought, So what? I can go back to do a fellowship. I started to accept that it would be okay to say, "I failed, but I tried." Once I was comfortable with that scenario, the fear dissolved. I realized that I feared regret more than failure. And after you embark on the path you choose, there is nothing acceptable but success.' "

And I thought of you, Carmen. I remembered the words of inspiration you have on your blog, "Nothing beats a failure but a try."

But you know what?

We won't fail. There is always much greater motivation to make something work when it is for us. For our happiness and fulfillment, to take care of our families, our children, than when it is to enrich someone else or provide security for their futures and their offspring.

I like her words, "After you embark on the path you choose, there is nothing acceptable but success." (italics mine)

That statment is powerful. Power-full. Full of power.

It's time we decided to make choices that will help us 'get ours.'

For more on the practical steps Taryn Rose took to start her business and build her brand, see the complete article here.

As for the shoes she makes, Manolos they're not, but they also aren't your grandmother's orthopedic uglies. If I had reached that point in my life where comfort trumps style (and I could afford them), I would wear them. Right now, I am likely to be seen one of two ways: in 4 inch heels or barefoot. So I will probably pay for it later, but alas, that time is not yet....

No one says you have to quit your job tomorrow or throw caution to the wind, and most of us do have a degree and a skill set that will give us 'something to fall back on' if we have to. But each of us who has a dream deferred or an original idea or seeds of discontent should at least try to follow the proverbial path not taken.

Entrepreneurial Inspirations are going to be a regular feature on my blog. I was inspired to start it by the always intriguing Sophia and her Beauty Inspirations. Since so many of us have entrepreneurial leanings, I would like to feature successful women (preferably minorities, though they do not have to be african-american) who have made it in business by finding a formula that has allowed them to make money whilst following their dreams.

I am passionate about this. I frequently stumble across stories on my own because it is a subject that interests me and I am always doing research, (I am currently in the process of creating my own product and building my own brand...shhh don't tell anyone...it's in the earliest newborn fragile stages where I am most afraid of failure and lack of follow-through and commitment on my own part....) but I welcome submissions from readers. Please feel free to tell me of anyone you have read about that you would like for me to feature.

It is my goal to post monthly, but I will post bi-weekly if I have enough stories.

The Mommy Track

I am not a mommy, but someday I will be.

My father has a subscription to U.S. News and World Report. The cover story of last week's (Sep. 3, 2007) issue caught my eye, "The New Mommy Track." Here was the lead-in on the cover page, "The old rules didn't work, so more women are finding ways to change them. Neither superwomen, nor soccer moms, mothers are negotiating flexible schedules or finding entrepreneurial solutions to the career-family dilemma." To read the complete series by Kimberly Palmer, click here.

The article features a lawyer, several women in sales and management, and a few who started their own businesses. Sadly, no minorities were featured, but I think that ties in directly to an observation found under the heading "No Leverage" in the related article, How Moms Get on Track. "Women working in low-skilled jobs, on the other hand, usually find flexibility only by lucking into employers who accept it, says Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of Mommy Wars. 'Men and women at the lowest income levels don't have any leverage', she says."

A disproportionate number of the AA population have not been able to take advantage of educational opportunities that grant us the luxury of bargaining with our employers. Too many of us are just glad to have a job (or 2 or 3) that pays the bills and are struggling to keep it (them).

That needs to change. When any one of us figures out a formula for success, we need to share it with one another, and freely.

Save the Cheerleader, Save the World!

Hayden Panettiere and Anne Hathaway? Really? I think that is so funny, but the interesting thing is that Hayden has always vaguely reminded me of my sister's daughter.

I joked with DSTDiva about being asian, but look at me!

I picked a straight hair picture to match, just because most of my SL pics are in profile and/or have hair in my face obscuring my features.

Apparently I look most like Gabrielle Union...Which is incredibly flattering! (Although I'm reluctant to believe it.)

...and Dave Chappelle!...Which I think is absolutely hilarious, but I actually can see the resemblance, although I never would have come up with it on my own.

Who thinks I look more like Dave than anyone else up there? (I do!) Too funny!

About 10 years ago when she was in MIB II I had the biggest girl crush on Rosario Dawson! I was mesmerized every time she came on screen. I was just like: wow! She is SO beautiful. (I was about to question my sexuality.) Somewhere along the way I figured out that I am so fascinated with her because she looks a lot like my mother and a few of my aunts, and we are often attracted to people who look like family. So I think it is very interesting that she is in my Celebrity Look-a-likes!

Below is the same assortment of celebrities. I liked this layout better, but you can't see the photos of Rosario and Hayden very well and the site doesn't give the option to manipulate the order, apparently it sorts them by percentage match.

Someday I may go back and try it with a different picture and see if I get different results. It's a fun way to waste 15 minutes on the 'net, not unlike YouTube.

Just So You Know...

I'll be making some changes to the layout and content of my blog over the next couple of weeks. I am very serious about my weight loss efforts and I intend to start a separate blog to chronicle that project. I'm not quite sure if it will take.

I have a small enough following for my Sisterlocks blog, and I'm uncertain whether I will have the focus and discipline to maintain two blogs. I'm pretty sure there will be a fair amount of overlap.

I haven't yet decided whether I will post any new content on the new blog or whether I will just use it as a place to organize all of my weight-loss posts, so that they are not scattered among my hair posts. If someone wants to read them all together they will be in a central location.

Lefou I'm Afraid I've Been Thinking...

Beauty and the Beast is one of my all-time favorite movies.

I know! I'm a grown woman, but I wasn't when it played in the theaters. I watched it countless times on video when I was a child, wore out the soundtrack CD, and saw the Broadway show as an adult with two of my friends who are also die-hard fans. We knew every line of dialogue and sang along with every verse of every song.

But I said all that to say...

...that my friends and I are always participating in some crazy scheme (for entertainment purposes only). I thought I would end up blogging more about some of our silliness, but alas, no. I have either been working to finance our follies or actually out enacting them.

And one of our catch phrases for when we come up with something interesting is: Lefou, I'm afraid I've been thinking...

If any of you are Beauty-and-the-Beast-o-philes, you know that the next line of the song is, "a dangerous pastime/I know..."

This isn't actually a silly one, but most recently my best friend and I have hatched a plan to spend 2 weeks in London and Ireland over the Christmas holidays. Since I work in education and our schedule follows the academic calendar and she works for herself, we should have a good two and a half weeks available for travel. What gives it misadventure potential is the fact that we have no itinerary and no plans, and truthfully, not very much money.

At this point we have only decided that we will buy tickets and go! It should be an adventure; I'll post about it more as our plan comes together, but I am very excited at the prospect of more international travel. You know I have been slightly disappointed about not making it to Paris earlier in the summer. This trip could partially make up for that missed opportunity.

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell."

Sisterlocks Freedom!

Don't you LOVE not being afraid of water and steam???

When I was pressing my hair, I wouldn't stand too close to the pot when I was steaming vegetables or pasta because my hair is so fine all it needed to do was catch a wisp of moisture and it would start to curl!

Partially straight hair meeting partially curly hair - never a good look, like socks and sandals...

Yesterday I got caught in a sudden downpour. I didn't want my clothes wet, but I didn't worry one bit about my hair. I got a little wet, but my clothes dried off and my hair was just as cute as when I left home!

Can't beat the SL freedom!

I actually WET my hair most days and sometimes I just let the steam from the shower soak into them so they get all soft and fluffy. Water is now my friend!

Aren't SLs THE BEST?!

What Did You Do to Your Hair??? Part 2

As so often happens, a long-winded comment positively took on a life of it's own. This is the promised follow-up to my post, What did you do to your hair???

In response to my post about what men think, Goodnapps said that it is not only our men who have to get used to our new hair choices, but also the rest of our friends and family and sometimes even ourselves. That is absolutely true for a lot of people, but not for me.


I have never been able to relax my hair without incident (burns, breakage, etc.), so I have alternated between being natural and relaxed literally all of my life. I did keep going back to the chemicals periodically - thinking like so many of us, "Maybe this time with this new product (or method or stylist) it will be different. (And, of course, it never was.)

I never have really told my complete hair story. I have only alluded to it here and there, so most of you wouldn't know that.

I never had that period of adjustment among my friends and family because I was natural most of the time. Even if I was pressing and curling and it appeared to be relaxed, it usually wasn't.

So, it's always been, "Oh, you're wearing it straight again." or "Oh, you're wearing it natural."

And I've always worn a variety of lengths. So it was, "Oh, you've cut it all off again." And, "Oh, you're growing it out..."

So the only time it has ever been an issue is when I was in a relationship and I started out with one look and switched in the middle.

Thankfully, I come from a family that is supremely supportive of natural hair choices. I am not now nor have I ever been the only one to wear my hair short or natural, so I didn't ever have to explain myself with other styles.

I am the first and only one in my immediate family to start locks of any kind. My brother hasn't said anything and he probably won't. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like them as well as other styles I've worn, but he likes longer hair, so I think he'll appreciate them more once they reach a certain length.

My father has been AWESOME. He has never had a negative comment about ANY STYLE I HAVE EVER WORN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

There are pictures I look back at and think: What???

But he never had anything bad to say.

It was always understood in my house that the woman is the one who has to style her hair and get out the door in the morning, and sleep on rollers or not, sit in the salon or not, so it is up to her to do what she wants.

I grew up with a sense that choice was not only a matter of what was perceived to be attractive by others, but knowing that it also involved maintenance and convenience and those are important factors, as was being proud of the way God made us and not feeling that we had to alter ourselves in any way to fit in to anyone else's standard of beauty.

My Dad was always like: Whatever. You and your mother are beautiful. Do what makes you happy.

The more I read about others who don't/didn't have that and the more men I have met who don't have that enlightened attitude, the more grateful I am to my father; the more I appreciate him and the way I was raised.

That's why I have had such a hard time dealing with men who don't appreciate natural styles on me and other women, and why I especially appreciated Kaya giving me another way to look at it.

Diva, I'm single now and I was single when I started my locks. I'd toyed with the idea of locking my hair on and off for almost 10 years! But always seemed SO PERMANENT. I liked switching back and forth.

On how my new look would be perceived by potential suitors: When making the decision to lock I have to say I gave it some thought for more than a hot minute.

My fiance loved locks. He liked my straight hair too, but every time I twisted it he would say, 'just don't take them out; let them lock.'

I was not familiar with SLs at the time, and I knew organic locks were not what I wanted and I knew that if I just left my twists in and let them do what came naturally, I would not have a look that pleased me. But it was nice to know that I was in a long-term relationship with a man who not only accepted locks and could get used to them if he had to, but who admired them and encouraged me to start them. I knew that whenever I was ready, he would be 100% supportive.

There was so much security in that knowledge, but I decided to start my locks several months after our relationship ended and I experienced a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty about how locks might hinder my attempts to find a new love.

I said I was single when I started my locks, which isn't entirely accurate.

I was kinda/sorta in a quasi/semi/almost relationship at the time, but it wasn't serious enough that his opinion could have swayed me. (Once I made my decision, my decision was made.) I discussed my decision with him, so he wouldn't be surprised, and because I wanted to know his thoughts, but I was going to do it! He was uncertain about how they would look, but I think he was really just mirroring my own insecurities. (Incidentally, he loved them!)

I just told him about the process, I didn't even show him pictures because I didn't know what they would look like.

I knew I looked at other women's and said: I hope mine look like hers, and it would have been disappointing if they looked totally different.

I didn't want him seeing someone else's and having the same reaction.

I didn't want him to have anything to compare it to. I just wanted him to see mine and love them.

It worked. He did.

But our very fledgling relationship was so 'not set' and barely established, I was pretty sure that it wouldn't stick. So I was pretty certain I would be truly and completely single fairly soon after my SL installation, and I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it long and hard. That is: what will men think?

Will I get less attention? Will I not attract the same type of man that I used to? What will I do if I meet someone who wants me to take them out? (OK, that was an easy one, but I thought about how that WOULD change my perception of him.)

What if an otherwise good man who would otherwise be attracted to me (with straight hair or curly hair) decided not to approach me because I had locks?

As much as I have loved my natural hair for all of these years, there was a lot of comfort in being able to wear it loose and straight or loose and curly.

It was kind of a safety clause.

I find my own attitude strange as I look back on it now. Even though I didn't want to be with anyone who didn't like me with natural hair, I guess I kind of liked having the ability to 'bait and switch.'

**My goodness!!! That sounds so devious and underhanded. I never thought of it that way at the time. **

God! That sounds awful!!

I never wore straight hair specifically to be more appealing to men. I wore straight hair because I wanted to at the time. It's another look I like. But it's true that even men who thought they wouldn't like my natural hair, and said they wouldn't have approached me with twists or a 'fro, actually did like it once I changed it back.

And all complaints always centered around length. It was never the actual style they didn't like, but y'all know...natural hair shrinks. I think it's safe to say that it is a fact that most men like longer hair, not even most AA men. MOST men.

In any case, in spite of all of my former doubts, fears, and misgivings of any sort, I have to say that I am completely happy with my decision to lock. Sisterlocks are one of the best investments I have ever made and one of the best gifts I have ever given myself.

I have absolutely no regrets!

Still in love...

As much as I am hating my body at the moment, I am still loving my locks! One week away from my five month anniversary!