Friday, February 15, 2008

On Turning Thirty

The LWC strikes again....

I was reading MeikMeika's post about turning 29 (And 30) and decided to bring my long-winded comment over to my own blog. She asked for comments on how those of us who are thirty-plus felt about it.

I turned 30 six months ago, and it was okay. I wasn't sure how I would feel about leaving my 20s. I actually started saying I was 30 LAST February even though my birthday isn't til August just so I could get used to the sound of it.

The hardest thing for me was realizing how quickly time passes. I mean, I remember being 21 and 22 and feeling like my WHOLE life was out there.

You do become so aware of goals you haven't accomplished yet, and you realize that you just might not accomplish everything you thought you would when you were eighteen and just out of high school - for all your well-meaning determination.

I had such certainty that everything would go exactly as I wanted it to. I had a plan and a timeline for all the things I would DO and all the places I would GO!

And the older you get, I think the more you come to terms with how much is really out of your hands.

I think time becomes more valuable and therefore time management becomes more important. As do relationships.

I found I had a greater desire to reach out to my friends from the past, many of whom I had grown apart from. We had not fallen out, just gotten busy.

So now I call and text and e-mail women I was close to in my earlier 20s.

I have never dreaded the coming of my 30s. I do not subscribe to the notion that my best years are behind me, but rather I believe that they are ahead of me. I believe I will continue to learn new things and gain greater experience in life and dealing with others.

I have good genes on both sides of my family, so I don't worry about looking older. (I HAVE noticed that I don't quite bounce back from injuries as quickly as I used to, so I DO need to take care of myself - but that's the case with everyone.)

I could tell y'all a sad, sad story of loss and woe, stretching back about three and a half years to Nov 2004, but I won't because that's not my style, but I said all that to say that I looked at 30 as a new beginning.

I said: this is going to be the year I turn things around. THIS is going to be a major milestone in my life!

And so far, it has been!

I started my Sisterlocks about 6 months before my birthday and I have to say it was by far one the most positive choices of My LIFE!

Not so much the Sisterlocks in and of themselves, more the discovery of the online Sisterlocks community. I know I have said this before, but it is just SO TRUE!

I had just ended a very long-term relationship and suddenly had LOADS of free time on my hands - which was just unknown to me because I have always kept myself VERY busy.

I was really angry and resentful in general because I was always SO independent and self-sufficient that I had to work HARD - REALLY hard at carving out time to be with my boyfriend turned fiance. Being attentive and there-for-him was not easy for me and took a lot of time and practice.

And when I finally felt like I'd gotten the hang of it and it was beginning to feel comfortable and natural he suddenly went AWOL and stopped participating in the relationship!

You know how you feel when you clear your schedule to have lunch with a friend - like drastically alter your day and inconveniently rearrange things to sqeeze out 2 hours to be with them - and then they cancel on you at the last minute and don't even have the decency to call you - they do it by text messsage?

It was kinda like that.

Times one hundred.

You're like: okay. I have this SPACE in my day that used to be FULL, what do I do with it NOW?

It was precisely at that time in my life that I discovered Sisterlocks and Blogging simultaneously! Blogging became my therapy and my lifeline and my support system.

I had always journaled and that is very therapeutic as well, but the feedback and comraderie there is with blogging added another dimension of healing.

One year ago when I was APPROACHING my 30th, I've got to say, I was feeling a little lost, but now that I'm 6 months IN, I've got to say that things are really looking up for me.

I'm feeling good about not only what I hope the rest of the year will bring, but also the rest of the decade!


Amina said...

I'm glad to hear your positive outlook! I am not alone! I turned 30 in August, and my body promptly started pooping off random malfunctions....It made me think twice about being so "30 optimistic" but things have turned around. I too say 30 is my decade!!

SeZ said...

I feel ya I'll be 31 in June and I'm looking forward to it in a I have no choice but to kind of way :].

Sis. RJQueen10 said...

Black Russian,

As usual, I love your post! Thanks for sharing!

One of the best things I find about being in my 30's (I will turn 36 in September) is I don't have to worry about that fictional "biological" clock ticking anymore. I also don't feel desperate to settle for relationships that lack QUALITY and God's biblical truths. I am content with all I have accomplished, all I that I have learned and I am ready to chill and savor whatever God and life brings forth!