To Me on My 31st Birthday

Ok, so I don't celebrate, so there will be no cards or party, etc., but....

Today is my birthday and I always use this day to look back on the previous year and think about my accomplishments and lessons learned. I tick off the goals I reached and make note of the ones I abandoned.

2008 has been a very transitional year for me in a lot of ways. And I went through a lot of changes in the latter part of '07. The last four months were an absolute whirlwind of activity, and decision-making.

I think of where I was mentally, spiritually and emotionally this time a year ago and many things are different and not all of them are better.

We won't even talk about the physical. I am still fat and feeling miserable about it.

The weight loss goals have totally taken a backseat to everything else, but besides not having lost weight I am just not feeling healthy. And it's harder to do everything - even think - when you're not feeling your best.

Last year this time I was more recently out of two back-to-back relationships so I was more preoccupied with wanting to be in another one and wondering why my love life was not as I wanted it to be.

Now, I'm more in a place where I have decided to find and cultivate and maintain my own happiness. Not that I wouldn't welcome love with open arms if it came into my life, but I can not expend any energy looking for it. There are too many other important things to be done.

My greatest accomplishment in the last 12 months has been starting my own business.

Eight months in and it is no less scary than it was at the very beginning. In fact, now it may be a little more scary because I had a few set backs a few months ago, so I have not hit my projected sales and income goals. Therefore I will really have to hustle before the end of the year to pull it together!

There's an American Express commercial running now featuring Diane von Furstenberg and she says something I can really identify with. "I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew the woman I wanted to become."

I have felt that way for much of my life. There are so many things I enjoy. I like to write. I like to design. I like to teach. I like to travel. I like meeting new people. And feel like I am good at these things.

But time seems so limited. (And let's be honest, quite often so is money.) When you think of how much (or how little) of each you have, then your options and choices can begin to seem limited too.

It was a great big leap of faith for me to decide to start my own business and I'm still not sure that I won't fall flat on my face with this, but we'll see.

Nevertheless I am eager to see what challenges and triumphs the next year of my life will bring.