Monday, June 25, 2007

Veddy Eeenn-tered-sting!

So I was reading a post by Locsuluv which was totally intriguing on several levels, but it prompted me to post a long comment, which I decided to copy to my own blog.

A woman told her that she will meet her mate soon. Locsuluv said, "She shared with me that he will be not of African American descent but Caucasian." Hmm...

My policy on interracial dating is this: it depends on the individual. I've never dated anyone outside my race just "for the sake of" or to "see what it was like." I date people who interest me and treat me well. (And of course it is required that they think I am GORGEOUS!)

I have certain criteria that all men must meet. Not snotty stuff like: he must drive THIS car and have THAT job. Like: the respect he must show to my family and to his family. Like: he must be a thinker. Like: he can go anywhere I can go and not stick out like a sore thumb because of his manners or dress and grooming.

It's funny though, I have held non-black men I have dated to a higher standard because I knew that my family would be much less forgiving of me bringing home a man of any other race who was not both good-looking AND successful. I wouldn't date a deadbeat, period, but any non-AA man had better be able to make an instant good impression with the family. It is just understood.

I never wanted to hear the speech about all the fine brothers out there and...y'all know the rest.

Even if they didn't say it to my face they would have thought it. I'm sure some STILL did.

I've noticed that many of us with SLs are in interracial relationships or have been. Your thoughts...?

I'm sure this subject has been addressed before. Feel free to leave me comments or links to other posts on the subject.


Carmen In NC said...

I would love to see every black man paired with a black woman and every black woman with a black man. That would be my perfect world along with the KKK. But people like and love who they want. Color is skin deep, but culture is to the bone. How I live, my culture, will be more compatable with a particular type of black man. There might be a man of another race that is of my culture and I would not rule him out as a potential man.

You've posted two back to back discussions on mixed couples/children, Brunsli had a run in with the black police, and n'Drea called a lady a 'white Jamaican'. Mixed folks - are only loved for their hair and skin tone - like minks and alligators.

sunsail said...

Hmm. What a charged subject. I think brunsli covered this subject as well; from what i remember, there seems to be a disproportionately large number of sl wearers in interracial relationships. We haven't figured out the causality of it though...

Personally, I'm an equal opportunity employer. I have dated men that were american/vietnamese, samoan, zimbabwean, white american, and now russian (and the funny thing is, the AA guy i was interested in actually introduced me to the count! Aint't that some shit??) No, i don't deliberately seek out guys of different races; it just kind of happens. And save for the white american, the common thread in all of them is that they were either "fresh off the boat" like myself, or were second generation immigrants. sadly, i have not had good encounters with aa men. they expect me to act a certain way and do certain things, and when i don't, i get ridiculed. but best beleive, there is a WORLD of fine, hot men out there... aa men ain't no thing but a chicken wing!!!

muslimahlocs said...

my dh and i have both noticed more black female/white male couples here in our new state of residence (texas) than in our old home (liberal california). we have not figured this one out yet. we will let you know if we do.

i don't know if i agree with the comment that "there seems to be a disproportionately large number of sl wearers in interracial relationships". i did sisterlocks for years and attended numerous homecomings and did not find that to be the case. maybe there are more who blog who happen to be in interracial relationships.

at the end of the day it comes down to packaging. let me see if i can draw from my experience as a muslimah for this one. as muslim women we cover ourselves in obedience to God foremost but also to force people to deal with us based on who we are and not based on how we look or how hot we are (and we are hot, literally and figuratively, up undercover (lol)). we are telling people who really want to get to know us to move beyond the packaging and focus on who we are as people. we remove the distractions of breast size, hip size, etc. and instead demand that attention be paid to our minds, our spirit, etc. the same could apply to non-muslim men and women when choosing a mate. move beyond the packaging and get to know the person and race may become irrelevant or unimportant. and just like intra-racial dating does not affirm racial identity, neither does inter-racial dating negate it.